Colonoscopy and the SEC Channel

Here's the colonoscopy post, as promised.

You know your life has sunk to a new low when this is the stuff you post. Just keeping it real here.

And, you know that I typically find humor in most things...and sometimes it gets me into trouble. As my daughter frequently tells me, "MOM...these people don't know you and they don't get your humor."

There are some things that aren't funny...like when they request that you bring a copy of your LIVING WILL to your colonoscopy appointment. Yes, ma'am, they did. And Jim and I both have one, but I've never really read his until I saw it on the counter by the car keys and stuff. It says I can make all of the life and death decisions for Jim...unless I'm DEAD, or we're divorced...in which case, his youngest brother, Jeff, gets to make those decisions for him. WHAT?

In the words of Joshua, "I frown upon that."

Because: our children.

Two of which are young adults. Might wanna have a say.

We had to leave at dark-thirty to get to Jim's appointment. Even tho I thought we were leaving wayyyy too early, it was his appointment...not mine. I got up, got ready and kept my mouth shut. We drove in darkness the whole way. Crossing the Arkansas River, the Twin River Bridge was lit up with red,white and blue lights. It was so pretty. I posted a pic on Instagram (martythemoose).

We got to the doctor's office and were the 2nd car in the parking lot. We raced to beat this old(er) couple to the door, thinking that if we got in there before they did...it might bump Jim up in the line. It didn't.

Speaking of old couples, we were the youngest people in the waiting room (and we are not young)...until this one chick walked in with her dad. This girl was dressed UP. She was wearing a short, black and coral, chevon printed dress. She was carrying a black and tan chevron printed bag. But most interesting were the black gladiator sandals that strapped all the way up to her knees. And the looks and the "mmm..mmmm's" she got in the waiting room ranged from disapproval...to DANG, WOMAN! Because it was 6:30 in the morning! I felt really under-dressed for the occasion. God bless her for getting up and getting her family member to the doctor...and lookin' sassy at the same time!

I had planned ahead with my outfit, because I've been to this place before, and it is COLD in the waiting room. Boosh! I tossed around the idea of bringing a blanket from home, but then I decided against it. Didn't want to go all Grandma Moses on them.

They took Jim back and got him all IV'd up and settled, and then called me back to sit with him. He was laying in the bed with his hospital gown on...and covered up with a sheet. He said, "it is freezing cold back here...I hope they all know about shrinkage."

(please tell me you get the Seinfeld reference)

And, ummm...they shouldn't be looking because WRONG SIDE.

It doesn't take long for a colonoscopy if things are normal and routine. Jim's was and he is fine, thankfully. They called me back to sit with him in recovery, and...not to be indelicate, but are y'all aware of what goes on in these places after a colonoscopy?

It's a toot-fest.

Seriously.

The guy in the room next to Jim sounded like a rhino that had just eaten a burrito.

I mean, there.just.are.no.words.

But there are these words: yesterday was the start of the SEC channel and I was super-excited about it.

Last night's show, however, kinda made Arkansas look like doofuses. Is that even a word? Texas had Governor Rick Perry representing their school. Ashley Judd was representing Kentucky, and Enmitt Smith was representing the Gators. There was also Darius Rucker (South Carolina), James Carville (LSU), Melissa Joan Hart (Alabama). All sports fans, well-known, eloquent speakers.

Representing Arkansas was former President of the United States and die-hard Razorback fan, Bill Clinton. Nope.

Representing Arkansas was former Governor, former presidential candidate, Fox News reporter, Mike Huckabee. Nope.

Representing Arkansas was famous actress, Mary Steenburgen. Nope. American Idol winner, Kris Allen. Nope.

For Arkansas they used Ralphie the comedian.

Say it ain't so, Tim Tebow...say it ain't so!

"Do nothing out of rivalry or conceit, but in humility consider others as more important than yourselves." Philippians 2:3