Does God still heal?

Our pastor asked our congregation last Sunday if we believed that God still heals. I believe it. I do. But I guess the older I get and the more experiences I have...the more I realize that God has a plan...and that His plans are often beyond my understanding.  His plans are always best, and they're always FOR our best.

After Joshua was born, it became even more obvious to me that there are just some things I will never understand, but I was determined to trust God. And what I did, back all those years ago, was to claim as my banner the truth that "God is sovereign." For me, that one thing took away the stress of the "whys" and "what ifs" of our situation...and of all the situations in life that were and are to come. I'm not saying it was easy. It was not. At times, the phrase, "God is sovereign" felt like a thin rope...but I clung to it for dear life.

Did God heal Joshua?

Well, Joshua still has Down Syndrome. He has struggles every single day because of it. When he was younger, he was bullied and teased at school. And even though we tell him he can do and be anything he wants, he is physically and mentally limited. He just is.

Even typing those words is about to break my heart.

No, God did not heal Joshua. But while he has some limitations, he has spiritual insight like you wouldn't believe. Oh, he can't prounounce many of the big words of the Bible, or tell you the original meaning of words in Hebrew or Greek.

Can you?

But he is spiritually sensitive beyond belief, and God speaks to him. And God has used him mightily. As an 'ordinary" kid, I seriously doubt that he would've made the impact on lives that he has because of how God made him. There aren't enough pages to write about the lives he has touched, or the many ways he has blessed our lives.

Then there's Clark. I like to say that from the time he got INTO my womb, he was trying to get OUT. Seriously almost lost him a couple of times before he was eventually born. But God spared Him. When I was just 26 weeks pregnant and threatening to give birth at any moment, God enabled Clark to stay inside my tummy for another week, allowing time for life-saving, lung maturing drugs to be administered. When Clark was born at 27 week 4 days, he was so very tiny. And I was so very sick. And although it took a long time, God used medication and physicians, and He healed Clark from any issues resulting from his prematurity. And he healed me as well.

Fast forward two years, and Baby Clark is diagnosed with cancer. I prayed for healing. We all did...from the first inkling of a problem...to when we received the pathology report...until the surgery he had to remove the tumor. I knew God could heal Clark immediately. Why didn't He? I'll never know. But, again, God used doctors and chemo and other meds to heal Clark...and we were so thankful, and we rejoiced, and we gave all praise and glory to God. In fact, not a day goes by that we aren't reminded of God's protection and healing when it comes to Clark Joseph. He's a boy, which means I see him shirtless approximately 15 times a day...and his scars remind us that there is a story being written for his life...for all of our lives. We all have scars of one kind or another.

Our scars tell our stories.

In the summer of 1998, my Mom got sick. So sick. She thought it was a stomach bug that would eventually pass. That's even what the doctor said when, after 2 weeks of not getting better, she went in to see him. The doctor checked her out and ran some lab work. The results arrived in the mail one day: all tests came back normal. My mom died that night. Suddenly. Unexpectedly. Part of God's plan, apparently, because attempts to revive her failed. When my Dad called to tell me, I just couldn't believe it. Neither could he. She was his rock, his life partner and friend. They had done much together, and had plans to do much more.

How could this be?

"They have to be wrong...they didn't try hard enough to save her." Those were my thoughts. When my Dad called, she had been dead just minutes. I began to pray...to BEG...for God to heal her...to raise her up right then and there. Haven't we all heard or read about people who suddenly wake up in the morgue after being pronounced dead? It's rare, for sure...but nothing is too big for my God, right?

My Mom was fairly well-known in her circle of work and church and ministry. I thought of the ones who would undoubtedly be saved and influenced by her miraculous healing and the testimonies that would follow. Surely God could see that revival would break out in Tulsa if He performed this miraculous event. But He didn't. He could've healed her, but He chose not to. Correction: He chose to heal her in His way...not mine.

In 2010, a young couple in a ministry position at our church, expecting a baby, found out that their unborn child had a condition that would be "inconsistent with life." He was alive and active in his Mother's womb, but would die soon after birth. There was no cure...no surgery could be done...no medicines could be given to reverse this condition. How could this be?

Collectively, as a church, we hit our knees. And we prayed. And we begged God to heal this child...to miraculously change the outcome. Every month...every test...we pleaded. And every month...every test...showed the same thing. On the days leading up to his birth, and on his actual birth-day, there was prayer and fasting and pleading by many in our church body, and among family and friends. Prayer groups had been formed among friends and Bible Study groups, and even by those in other congregations. And God laid it on the heart of a 9th grade girl to start a prayer group at the local high school. It continues to meet to this day...3 years later. Lives had been touched by Believers and unbelievers alike, as it had become widely known that...no matter the diagnosis...no matter the medical counsel they had been given...the parents had bravely stated they would carry this baby to full term, unless GOD intervened.

Did God heal?

No. At least not in the way we had hoped. Karston Lloyd Steelman took one breath, and then was carried into the arms of Jesus.

What I know: God heals.

What I've learned: His will, His way.

"'For My thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways My ways,' declares the LORD." (Isaiah 55:8)

My Bowies

Is it just me, or are boys just a mess?

I mean, I guess I should be used to it by now, seeing that we have THREE of them. Ha!

Joshua is so different from the other two...and not in the way you'd expect! I'm just sayin' that if you went into their bedrooms, not knowing whose room was whose...you'd find one that looked like a tornado hit it, and one as neat as a pin. People might naturally assume that the messy room belonged to Joshua, and might think, "bless his heart." But they would be SO WRONG!

Joshua's room is the neat one! Bed made (every day), clothes put up (every day), everything in place (every day). Clark's room (and Logan's room when he's home from college) is awful. Seriously. Clark hasn't even slept in his own room since school started back...in JANUARY. Hello? He sleeps all over the place...family room...living room...Logan's empty room. And if I ask him why he isn't sleeping in his own room, he says, "no reason." I'm guessing maybe he can't find the bed?

My boys.

They are LOUD. I was in the kitchen making breakfast on Saturday morning, and two of the boys came in and started having some sort of imaginary Star Wars fight. And I should mention that one is a Junior in College, and one is a Sophomore in High School. Apparently, I was sliced right across the middle with a light saber...I didn't know it because I was MAKING BISCUITS AND GRAVY at the time.

And there are several little words or phrases that one of us will say that will result in some or all of us bursting into song. And before you think we are all VonTrapp-ish, let me put that to rest right now. I asked Logan what time he was heading home. And then I caught myself and said, "I mean, heading back to SCHOOL...because you're already HOME." I barely got the words out of my mouth when Logan and Clark burst into a loud, irreverent, redneck version of "I'm Already There..." by Lonestar. 

Good times.

My boys.

And maybe it's just my boys, but I can tell exactly what they've done...because they leave a trail. Right now, as I look around my home, the mess tells the story...

There's a soccer ball in the middle of the family room floor...that's because Logan was kicking it around IN THE HOUSE over the weekend. That's why we can't have nice things. Ha! There are clothes and shoes on and under the family room couch...because, apparently, that's where Clark slept. There's a kitchen chair pulled up to the built-ins in the family room. Clark needed it to climb on to hook up some wires on the TV, and then just left the chair there. There are cabinet doors open in the family room, because they were looking for the remote to the dvd player...And open cabinets in the kitchen. Speaking of the kitchen, OH MY! Open jars, cups sitting in puddles of water, spoons with dried ice-cream or Nutella on them...the oven was left on, even though there's nothing in it cooking!

My Boys!

And, yes, we did teach them manners and housekeeping skills, and they DO use them (sorta)...most of the time. It's just that, with Logan away at college, when he comes home and everyone is all together...manners and housekeeping seem to go out the window because of all the fun they are having.

I LOVE MY BOYS, but they are makin' me crazy!

Week(s) in Review

We are so blessed to be experiencing our first Spring in our new house...in our new town. But along with that, brings more work and responsibilities with the house and yard. I'm working on the house...the inside. It's a HUGE work in progress...and Jim is working in the yard. He has a vision of how he wants it, and I'm not a "yard person" (or so he tells me!) (and I totally agree!), so I just stay out of it. That system must work well, because our yard always looks great!

Side note: Jim's dad, Papaw Genie, is known for his eccentric ways. His piddling in the yard gardening makes NO SENSE to anyone. Watching him would make a sane person go crazy. He will decide to plant some flowers right in the middle of the yard and just start digging. And he hauls dirt and gravel and rocks in buckets from all over the Creation. Seriously. Jim's Mom says she remembers men that he used to work with...talking about how he would go out into the woods with buckets, and come back with them full of dirt or whatever.  Because, ya know, "God ain't makin' no more dirt." But he always has beautiful flowers, and lots of vegetables come from his gardens, so just sayin'.  Anyway, now Jim has started doing the same thing. I never thought I would see the day, because he has made such fun of his Dad's ways all these years. Our house in Bryant still hasn't sold, so Jim has been digging up plants, flowers, bushes, trees from that house and bringing them to this one. Okayyyy. That yard may look like it's infested with gophers by the time he's done, I'm on board with whatever he wants to do about that. But last week, we had to take the trailer down there with the mower...to do the yard. As we are loading up to head home, I notice that Jim has BUCKETS FULL OF DIRT and one full of rocks, loaded on the back of the trailer. Oh, yes, ma'am. He has caught a ride on the crazy train.

The past few weeks have been filled with track meets and cold weather and wondering what in the world that ground-hog was thinking. Brrr...

But this week, we went up to Ft. Smith for the 7A conference track meet, and it was the PERFECT day. Sunny...warm...breezy. Probably won't have another day like that this whole year. Clark's relay team qualified for the State meet...which is this week...which is scheduled to be on what is predicted to be the coldest day of this week. Like, it's predicted there could be SNOW.

AREYOUKIDDINGME?

Holly had her last clinical for the semester. She is loving nursing school and doing really well. It's been such a blessing to watch her and Aaron start their lives. Aaron loves his job. It's great when what you do is what you love. Holly will have 2 months off...from May 8-July 8...and then her classes will start back with a vengeance. She's gonna really enjoy her time off!

So, Joshua had his 2 night "camping" trip at Camp Aldersgate last week. His group had been looking forward to it for WEEKS. They were all so excited! I took him on Wednesday and got him all settled. It was no big deal for him, because he's used to going a week to Camp Barnabas in the summers.

It was WEIRD not having him here at home. When he's here, he spends a lot of time up in his room, but he keeps the door open and he goes up and down quite a bit. He's not loud at ALL, typically, but the house was really quiet without him. It's true that each person in a family has their own place...and they are really missed when they aren't here. Anyway, he was on his camping trip on Thursday, so he didn't go with us to the track meet.

On Friday, Logan came home! YAY! I was SO EXCITED! He brought a load from his room...to start moving home for the summer. It was also the day that Joshua needed to be picked up. Jim had some errands to run, so he picked up Joshua and they headed down to see his parents for the night. Holly came over and spent the afternoon since Logan was here. And then I guess all that visiting wore Logan OUT, because he went to his room to lie down...and FOUR HOURS LATER, he came out! I guess he was tired! By this time, Clark had gone to watch his school play, and so Logan and I went to get some dinner. Jim and Joshua came home on Saturday, and it was kind of a yucky day, weather-wise. Holly and Aaron met us for dinner on Saturday night. I love it when we are all together.

Logan left right after dinner to go back to school. He wanted to check on Morgan, but also wanted to be back for church on Sunday. We are so blessed that they LOVE their church. They are connected there and participate in ministry there. It is something I prayed for when he left for college and the Lord answered in a BIG way. They also are gearing up for finals this week, and then they will be HOME for the summer! Yay!

Sunday was a great day! We went to SS and church. Joshua is still fighting a cold or allergies...not sure. I feel so bad for him! He's not feeling great. His voice is deep and gravel-y. Or, as he describes it, "more manly-er and more huskier." (he adds "more" and "er" to a lot of words and it cracks us up!) We ate all the left-overs from the frig for lunch, and then spent the rest of the day just hanging out here.The weather was SO NICE! Jim took Joshua to the gym. I cleaned up the kitchen. Holly and Aaron came over and hung out. Holly worked on some of her crafts. She's always got something going on. She'll see it on Pinterest and we'll go get the supplies...and she will create something really cute! Aaron brought over the BAGGO game. It's one of Joshua's favorite things to do...play BAGGO with Aaron. Or with whoever. We ordered pizza for dinner and ate here at home.

*A funny thing: We were all outside. Jim was working in his garden. Aaron and Joshua were playing BAGGO. Holly was painting something...and I was coming in and out of the house, because I was making cheese dip and getting out plates and all that stuff for dinner. All of a sudden, I realized that the animals were everywhere. It's like we were living in Animal Kingdom or something. We have one Black Lab and one cat that Clark picked up from the local Wal-Marks parking lot.  And Holly and Aaron have a yorkie...which Jim and I refer to as the "half-a-dog." And the animals are so funny because they all 3 try to stay together. They are so afraid that they will miss out on something...like food. Or, like, if one of the animals is being held...or...(gasp!) being petted. They want IN.ON.IT. So, it was like we couldn't even walk...couldn't even sit in our chairs...the animals were everywhere!

*I just read this back and it doesn't sound remotely funny...but it was! Guess you had to be here.

Such a great weekend. I never want to forget these "ordinary"days.

"But from eternity to eternity the LORD's faithful love is toward those who fear Him, and His righteousness toward the grandchildren of those who keep His covenant, who remember to observe His precepts." (Psalm 103: 17-18)

Joshua's Valentine Ball!

(This was written earlier, but I just got around to posting it...better late than never!)

They'd spent the better part of 2 weeks preparing for and anticipating this night: the very first Valentine Ball at Joshua's Therapeutic Recreation Center.

On Tuesday, they began to decorate. A curtain made from red and pink tinsel separated the "dance floor" from the "snack room." They hung lanterns and hearts from the ceiling. On Wednesday, they split into groups. One group strung white Christmas lights around the windows and around the ceiling beams (I asked who got up on the ladder, and Mrs. Sherrie said, "no one! We did it the JIMMIE way, and threw them up there! It made me laugh just thinking about it!). The other group was busy in the kitchen, making cookies and treats for the dance.

On the day OF the ball, which was Valentine's Day, the group went to the cosmetology department of a local high school, where the girls were treated to manicures and make-up...and had their hair styled for the dance! For free! While the guys were invited to go for a manicure, my Joshua saw the handwriting on the wall, which basically was lots of sitting while the girls were primping and he said, "no, thank YOU" and opted to stay home. He hung out with Holly and me, and we took him shopping, and to get a haircut.

He was pretty excited to dress up for the Ball. He wore his black dress pants. I bought him a new shirt, and he picked out a HAT he wanted at Target. He said he wanted to look "FLY" for the dance.

(You have to know that hats aren't a great look for a Downsy boy. He has a little head and tiny ears and hats just don't sit right...but he loved it, and I will have to say that it was precious on him...and everyone agreed that he looked so handsome!)

The place looked GREAT when we got there. They had transformed the "Center" where they meet, hang-out and receive instruction...to a real, live BALL! Slowly but surely, Joshua's friends began to arrive. The girls were ALL dressed up in their fanciest clothes! One of the girls cried when she saw Joshua, because she said he looked so handsome! They were all so excited...FOR EACH OTHER!

And when the music started, they all danced. I loved how uninhibited they were. The girls danced with the boys, or with each other. It didn't even bother them to dance alone. I watched as they swayed to the music, alone in their thoughts. They seemed to be transported to another place...a place away from their disabilities and challenges. It was so beautiful.

When Joshua was in high school, he was blessed to be able to attend his Jr and Sr proms. Jenni's school also had a prom that they attended together. But for some of these "kids," this Valentine Ball was their first opportunity to dress up and feel special...and boy, did Sherrie, Jimmie and the rest of the staff make them feel special! They got pampered. They dressed up. They had pictures made. They had a guest DJ (made even more perfect when they saw it was Jimmie!), and they rocked the night away! I am beyond thankful for everyone who made this night possible.

They had so much fun!

True kings and queens, fearfully and wonderfully made.

"...let us love one another, for love is from God..." 1 John 4:7

The One Where Joshua Used His Beast Voice...

Joshua used his "Beast Voice" on me this morning.

Eeek!

You have to know that Joshua has a pretty pleasant personality. Most days, he is happy...and on the rare days he's not, we can usually mess with him long enough to have him laughing in minutes.

He is helpful. Out of all the kids, he helps me the most (to his ability). Granted, he's with me more than the others, but he is always looking for ways he can help. He loves to go to the grocery with me. He pushes the buggy, and reminds me of things we need that I have forgotten to put on the "dad-gum list" (as my husband calls it). He helps me unload the groceries at home. He sets the table, and clears it after we eat (sometimes while we are STILL EATING!). He unloads the dishwasher for me every day. He makes his bed, cleans his room, and brings down his dirty clothes and towels...EVERY.SINGLE.DAY.

He is complimentary. He tells me he likes whatever I cook, and that I'm pretty. But his compliments aren't reserved only for family. I've been out with him and heard him tell total strangers, "nice shirt," or "nice shoes," or tell the pastor, "pretty good sermon last week." (He also does tell the pastor other things like, "you went too fast for me to keep up," or "I didn't get what you were trying to say." He's honest to a fault!)

And he is very sensitive. He is the first to notice if someone is sad, and he's not shy about giving comfort. He's the first one, when there's a tragic or intense situation, to grab hands and say, "let's pray." Right then and there.

All this to say that I can usually "read" Joshua. I know his personality and can judge his moods. I "get" him. So, I usually have the sweet Joshua.

Not this morning.

Last night, we had a situation with Joshua and his phone. He was using it in a way that we had previously discussed he was NOT to do. This morning, he was supposed to go to his Therapeutic Recreation program. He was looking forward to seeing all of his friends, and going on an outing with them. They were going to see a cool Lego exhibit at the Clinton Library, and eating out for lunch. Fun! He was going to get to see his girlfriend, Jenni. And I was going to get a few rare hours by myself.

Argh.

I just felt like this was a teachable moment. It's really hard, knowing what to do in these situations. I mean, he's 27 years old. He's a man...but he's also a child. I never want to make him feel like a baby, but I still need to make my point...always encouraging those baby steps toward independence. So, I told him we were staying home today. And I told him why. I could see the change in his face when he realized I was serious.

And that's when I heard it: the Beast Voice.

I'm assuming anyone reading this has watched Beauty and the Beast, and would naturally rememer when Belle refused to come down for dinner. The Beast is extremely frustrated and yells, "then go ahead and STAAAARRRRVVVVEEE!"

Remember?

That's the voice Joshua used when he looked at me and growled, "I guess you know this will break Jenni's HEARRRRRRT!"

He also told me that staying home today would "tear Jenni's heart into pieces and stomp on it."

Yeah. Well. Sorry. That was not my intention, and we did talk about how our actions (sins) don't always just affect us. Sometimes the consequences of our actions spill over into the lives of others. I hate it...but it's not my problem. I reminded Joshua that when we mess up...and we all do...we have to "man-up" and accept responsibility. He said, "yeah, like in the book of Acts, when Jesus ascended into Heaven. All the disciples were standing there going, 'well, He's gone. Now what?' And then Peter said, 'guys, we have to man-up and go preach the Gospel to the world,' and so they did."

Yeah...there's THAT.

But there's also THIS:

I'm still the boss around here, and it's about time everyone remembered it and started listening to me.

"Direct your children onto the right path, and when they are older, they will not leave it." (Proverbs 22:6)