So, Tuesday was Rhodie's 2 month check-up at the pediatrician. And do you know what else goes on at a 2 month appointment?
I knew it, Holly knew it, we all knew it...but we tried not to think about it.
Aaron-the-son-in-law couldn't go with Holly, so they called in the "B" team...ME! I've never been so happy to be second-string. :) I had to run Joshua to his Therapeutic Recreation, and beat it back here for Rhodie's appointment. I made it...whew!
Holly and I were most excited about seeing how much Rhodie had grown in a month. Just last month, we found out that he'd gained 3 pounds in his first month of life. So, keeping with the idea that he's gonna be a "big, ol' boy," I guessed he would weigh 16.4 lbs. I mean, the boy is a big chunk of sweetness. Holly guessed 15 lbs and some ounces. When the nurse put him on the scale...?
That's almost 15 pounds of sweet, yummy, squishyness.
He grew 2 inches in length, and his "brains" grew another 1.5 inches. The boy's BRH (big, round, head)? He gets that from his mommy. :)
BUT THEN it was shot time...and it was the worst.thing.ever.
*I have a child who has life-long special needs and medical needs...and I have a child who had cancer when he was younger. I know getting shots is not the "worst thing ever." I'M JUST SAYING.
They had two nurses come in and give the shots at the exact same time, so that it would be quicker. Honestly, they were like ninjas. They came in, did their thing, and left. Quickly, silently.
Rhodie took a deep breath, and then he held his breath. And then he cried and cried and cried.
And I cried.
Holly looked at me the other day, and said something along the lines of, "I am not prepared to deal with how emotionally fragile you are when it comes to this baby."
I don't know. With Joshua, and then with Clark, we went to a lot of doctor's appointments. We endured shots, blood tests, IVs, x-rays, C/T scans, transfusions, surgery, chemo, etc. We heard lots of hard things. I was usually by myself, or with some (or all) of our other kids...because Jim would be at work...and I had to be strong. Or I felt like I did.
I had to hold it together.
So sometimes I waited until I got to the car before I cried. And sometimes I waited until I got home.
But, most of the time, there was no time for tears. What would it change, anyway? So, I sucked it all in, and pushed it all back...and I pressed on, because there were meds to pick up and groceries to get and kids to drive to this or that. No time for Mommy to just have a minute.
Well, I'M GONNA HAVE MY MINUTE NOW, thank you very much. Alllll my minutes.
Because I can.
And because this baby has my heart.
We brought him home. I picked up lunch, and Holly fed Rhodie...and we tried to get him all settled down.
But he was pitiful. He cried and cried. And not a normal, regular cry...he cried the saddest cry you have ever heard in your life.
At one point, I looked over at Holly. She was rocking him, and he was crying...and Holly had tears streaming down her face.
Watching my baby cry over her baby...it about broke my heart.
It also made me proud...because, you cannot possibly know the depths of a mother's love, until you are a mother yourself.
Wait, I take that back...
No, I don't take it back...I will add to it. Because I know some women who are not mothers, but who love like a mother...who fight and push and sacrifice for the life of a child; who have put a child's needs above their own, and who would protect the lives of children with everything they have in them...and without a thought of their own safety.
Deep, deep love.
And Holly's is only 2 months in the making.
When Holly left to go home, my heart was heavy. I prayed for Rhodes to feel better...for the pain to subside..for him not to have any fever...for Rhodie to be able to relax and get some rest...and for Holly to be able to relax and get some rest.
Joshua told me that he cried himself to sleep...just so worried about Rhodie.
Holly texted me to say that she had decided to give him some Tylenol for pain.
When I woke up the next morning, she had texted a video of Rhodie lying on his play-mat. He was "talking" to his toys, and smiling...back to his sweet, happy self.
And it reminded me of how God is always at work...even when we don't see it. While I was praying for Rhodes, God was already at work...healing, comforting, bringing peace.
And it reminded me of how very little in life is in our control.
Jesus. He brings the peace we all crave.
"I have told you these things so that in me you may have peace. In the world you have trouble and suffering, but take courage—I have conquered the world.” John 16:33