Monday, September 7, 2015

All The Feels

I'm sitting here all up in my feelings.

When things got too overwhelming, Jim's grandmother used to say, "I'll think about that tomorrow." I guess, at some point, she learned to compartmentalize her emotions. She knew herself well enough and she knew when to just BE. To not over-think, or plan what would happen next.

She'd "think about that tomorrow."

All Gone With The Wind-y.

And she would. She would remember it all the next day, and she would think all about it...slowly. And she would process it...slowly.

We had a great Sunday. Went to SS and church. Logan and Clark came together for the late service, and it was a JOY to see them sitting together with Joshua, Aaron and Faith in the congregation. We ate lunch at home...and Holly and Aaron-the-son-in-law came over. Morgan was with her family at a family reunion, so she wasn't with us...but we had a good time. We basically did NOTHING all day...and then went to dinner together last night. After we got home, we decided to get in the pool for a while, and that was fun.

This morning, everyone was up early. Logan and Morgan were leaving early to get back to their own home. Holly and Aaron came over to say goodbye, and see them off.

And, doesn't get easier. This saying goodbye thing. I hate it. My heart is so full when they are here, and then it feels like pieces of it are ripping out when they leave. Even when you know that where they are is God's will for their lives...and you wouldn't take that from them for anything. It just...hurts to see them go. Ya know?

"How deep the Father's love for us; how vast beyond all measure. That He would send His only Son, to make a wretch His treasure."

I understood WAY MORE about God's love for us after I had children of my own. All I can say is that God must've loved us a LOT, because I would never willingly allow one of my children to die for anyone. NEVER.

So, when Logan and Morgan got ready to leave, we sent them off in typical Logan family tradition (Or, as Joshua would say: TRANdition).

First, we allll walked them out. There were hugs and kisses and maybe a few tears as we all said our good-byes. Then we stood in the driveway and waved until we couldn't see them anymore.


Of course, I was still in my PJ Salvage flannel pajammies with the polar bears on them...because I love them SO MUCH. It was a balmy 87 degrees outside at 9:30 in the morning, and the humidity was out the whazoo. Our meteorologist calls it, "the air you can wear." Yeah. I.was.sweating.

Our neighbors were outside, and I waved at all of them. Yes, I KNOW I am in flannel pajammies...outside...on Labor Day. I AM AWARE that it's hot.

About this time, a firetruck sped by, lights on and sirens blaring. They looked at me. I just waved.

This is my life.

And then Logan and Morgan left.

And 12 short hours later, Clark and Faith left.

I feel like each child takes a piece of my heart with them when they leave. I am so proud of each one of our kids, and the lives they are making for themselves. It's just that some of these changes are hard on this Mommy's heart.

I am thankful that Clark is enjoying OBU. I am so excited that he's there. I am thankful for the life Logan and Morgan are building for themselves...for their involvement in school, in their church, in their community. I am thankful for Holly and Aaron being here in town with us. It is a blessing I can't even put into words. And I am thankful for Joshua, and for the joy he brings into our home. He puts everything into perspective.

"...God has said, 'I will never leave you or forsake you." Hebrews 13:5

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