9 More Days...

So, we are on the countdown until Clark's move-in day at OBU, and Momma ain't happy.

Well, I am very excited he is going to OBU, and I am very excited for what this new chapter of his life, and ours, is going to bring.

I'm still not ready to for him to go.

And, I KNOW I just wrote about "letting go" and how I believe we are in the process of letting our kids go from the time they are born...until they leave for college. The fact that I KNOW this and yet am not ready, just goes to prove my point: easier said than done.

Also, Sunday night, we were sitting in the family room talking with Clark about his trip, and after he went up to bed...Jim said, "I was watching Clark while he was talking...the way he was sitting, the way he cocked his head, his mannerisms...it was like looking in a mirror."

And I said, "THANK.YOU."

Because we all see it. We have all seen it from the very beginning. Clark is Jim's clone.

So ANYWAY...we are trying to soak up the time we have with Clark for the next less-than-9 days. Problem is, apparently he doesn't feel the same way. Last night, after I made him one of his favorite meals ever...he left for Faith-the-girlfriend's house, and I had to text him to come home at 10.

WHAT THE WHAT?

And then tonight...I planned on making another one of his favorites, and I did...but he told me mid-afternoon that he would be eating at Faith-the-girlfriend's house.

WHAT THE WHAT?

I love her...I really do. She is perfect for Clark, and she has a wonderful family. But, for the next less-than-9 days...Marty doesn't want to share.

Think along the line from the "Friends" episode, where Joey says, "JOEY DOESN'T SHARE FOOD."

MARTY DOESN'T WANT TO SHARE CLARK.

I don't care if we sit in silence in the family room, or we watch TV, or play on our phones, or just talk...I want us all here. ALL of us here. 24/7. For the next less-than-9 days.

IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK?

A Mother's heart has to be tender. That's for sure. But it also has to be tough. There are times when it takes an act of our sheer will...and total reliance on God...to do the right thing. So, we ate the awesome dinner I fixed, and I fought back the tears...and I willed myself to be strong. I reminded myself to be thankful for the ones who were here to share our meal: Jim, Joshua and me.

Lots of emotions in my head these days. I have a feeling it ain't gonna be pretty. I've been down this road before, after all. There are just so many things I want to say to Clark...things I want him to know...before he moves out. I just hope I can handle myself with grace.

"But the wisdom from above is first of all pure. It is also peace loving, gentle at all times, and willing to yield to others. It is full of mercy and the fruit of good deeds. It shows no favoritism and is always sincere. And those who are peacemakers will plant seeds of peace and reap a harvest of righteousness." James 3:17-18