Saturday, January 17, 2015

The Smell of Death and Two Different Earrings

We've had a really nice Saturday. The weather here was AWESOME today. I finished painting and waxing the island in my kitchen. Tomorrow, I will hopefully buff it out and it will look glorious.

I'll let you know how that goes.

We were trying to decide where to go for dinner. Clark said, "I'd be down with some Chinese food." I said, "me, too!...JIM?" He said, "that'd be fine."

An hour later, Jim said, "what about going to Chili's?" Clark looked at each other and listened to the crickets chirping because THAT'S NOT CHINESE.

Anyway, I figured Jim probably had a gift card to Chili's and he thought he did...turns out, it was for Outback...which. YUM. We love Outback, so we decided to go there. Holly and Aaron didn't want to come with us, so it was just the four of us. Our meal was awesome!

When we got home and walked in our house...the smell about knocked us over. One of the things Jim brought back from his Mom's house yesterday was a baby crockpot. You know about my mother-in-law and all the stuff she has at her house, right? He had asked me if we had a baby crockpot and I said, "no...we have a big crockpot."

I should've known that wasn't the end of the conversation.

I mean, one of Jim's most used phrases is "common sense would dictate..."

Common sense would dictate that that would be the end of the conversation...but it wasn't.

He walked in with not one baby crockpot...but TWO baby crockpots. He said he was bringing one for Holly (who also already has a big crockpot). Jim said, "if you don't use this baby crockpot, I will. I'm gonna cook peas in it."


How much pea cookin' is he gonna do around here, anyway? Because I can count on one hand the times he has cooked peas over the past 35 years.

But today is the day he decided to cook them...and they smelled up our house something awful. We didn't really understand the scope of the stink until we were gone for 2 hours at dinner...and then walked back in the house. It was like hitting a fog of feet smell.

I almost threw up.

And even tho I've written about Jim's thoughts on candles, Clark and I started lighting every one we could find.

It looked like a vigil up in here.

And it smelled so, so bad.

Clark said, "this is a story you're gonna have to put on your little...ya know...your little blog thing."

I put a black dishtowel over the baby crockpot to try and mask the smell as much as I could. I called it The Shroud of Death.

Holly and Aaron were gonna come over and watch the Arkansas Razorbacks basketball game. I told them to come at their own risk, because The Smell? It was like an Entity all it's own...and not for those with weak stomachs.

I promise I'm not exaggerating. I do not have a flair for the dramatic.

It was only after I sat down and started watching the game, that I reached up to put my hair in a pony tail and accidentally grabbed one of my earrings. I got my hair untangled, and instinctively reached over to the other earring with my other hand...just checking to make sure it wasn't tangled up in my hair as well.

And that's when I noticed it: I was wearing TWO DIFFERENT EARRINGS.

Not two slightly different you can barely tell earrings...but one GREEN earring and one TURQUOISE earring.

Keep in mind that I went out to dinner at THE Outback Restaurant. My mother-in-law calls it "Out-BACK." As in, "do you want to eat at Out-BACK?"

The whole time there, no one told me I was wearing two earrings...even tho Clark, and Mr. I-Notice-Everything JOSHUA were sitting right across from me.

And I distinctly remember saying to Clark, "it's weird the way these booths are because the people in the next booth...on the opposite side of the booth from you...they look like they're staring at you, even when they might not be."

Or, they might be.

They very well might be.

So I got up and made a little scene about the earrings right in the middle of everyone watching the basketball game. I said, "WHY didn't any of you TELL me?" And Joshua said, "I didn't really even notice that you were wearing earrings at all."


File this under: WHEN YOU HAVE BOYS.

Drops mic and walks away.

"Give thanks to the LORD for He is good; His love endures forever." Psalm 136:1

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