Lots to say, but no clue how to say it...or what any of it means. If anything. Maybe it's just to acknowledge that parenting is HARD on many different levels...and keeping it real for anyone who thinks I have it all together. I DON'T.
There is this guy in our Sunday School class. He talked about when the kids in his family turned 18...his Dad would call that child into the kitchen and hold up a glass plate. The Dad would say, "you're 18 now, and here is your dinner plate." His Dad would then throw the plate to the floor, where it would shatter into a million pieces. After that, his Dad would say, "you're out of my house."
If you're one of my kids reading this, you already know what I think and you can skip over this paragraph. For other people, you need to know that Jim and I are very family oriented. That whole concept of throwing the dinner plate on the floor when the kid turned 18? I.was.horrified. Seriously. WHO DOES THAT? I want my kids out on their own. I want them to have education and a plan, and for them to make a life apart from us. I mean, of course! And I know there are situations where "tough love" is required in difficult or "failure to launch" types of situations, but for us right now? I want them to know that they are a part of our family, and are welcome in our home. I cannot imagine pushing a child out on their own because of a certain birthday...and not taking into account whether or not they have been adequately prepared and are ready for that. We want to set our children up for success, not for failure...AND THEY HAVE TO DO THEIR PART AS WELL.
Yesterday was our youngest son's 18th birthday. This is the child we prayed for the most BEFORE we had him...because Jim wasn't sure we should have another child. Like make another child. We talked about adoption.
When I was in the 8th-9th grade, I lived in Taiwan. My Dad was stationed there with the Air Force. I learned a lot during our time there, but I fell in LOVE with the Asian people. God began to work in my heart about adoption, and I always thought I would adopt twin baby girls from Korea or somewhere like that.
But, I got married, and had three children. And then we had Clark.
And he was born wayyyy too early, and God spared his life.
Then, he was diagnosed with cancer at the age of 2. He had surgery and chemo, and, again, God spared his life.
I am overwhelmed by the goodness of God when I think of this kid. But he is so ornery right now, I just want to wring his neck. Teenage boys who think they know it all? I'm over it.
Anyone?
I had been really looking forward to Clark's birthday. I had planned on making one of his favorite meals: chicken and dumplings, and peanut-butter brownies for dessert. But then I remembered that his birthday was on a Wednesday, and we had church. Not that we couldn't miss...I mean, it was his birthday...but he would have to miss Youth as well, and I didn't know how he would feel about that since he's a leader.
PLUS, Holly's clinical has her at the psych hospital on Wednesday and Thursday nights until 9 p.m. Joshua had his Valentine Ball on Friday night, and Jim and I were going to the Razorback game on Saturday. And, we had planned on meeting Jim's parents for, as Joshua would say, Clark's "tranditional" birthday meal on Sunday. If we wanted to do dinner all together as a family (minus Logan), we would have to do it on Tuesday...so that's what we did. I scrapped the birthday dinner at home, and we went out to eat for his birthday. Holly and Aaron met us there, as did Faith. I thought it went well and was fun.
So Wednesday was Clark's actual birthday. On birthdays, I will typically fix/prepare breakfast for our kids at home...biscuits, muffins, pop-tarts, pancakes...whatever they want, I'll fix it and put a birthday candle in it. We always try to get a picture of them before they blow out their candle. Well, Clark told me on Tuesday night that he would be going to breakfast on his birthday with his girlfriend, Faith.
Well, oooookay.
Faith and I had been working on a plan to get some of Clark's friends to surprise him for his birthday. They planned on meeting him for dinner at a restaurant here in our town. We didn't know how we were going to get Clark there without letting him know, but Jim said that he and Joshua would offer to take him on a "guy night," so he wouldn't be suspicious.
Well, I didn't find out from Faith until after 5 p.m. that that wasn't going to work...his friends were not going to be able to meet him that night, so she decided she would take him out for dinner instead. Just the two of them.
Well, oooookay.
By the time Clark got in from track and took a shower, I was only able to talk to him for, AT THE MOST, 10 minutes before he left again. ON HIS BIRTHDAY. And then he got in at 10:30 p.m. He had been gone since before 6 a.m.
ARRRGGGGHHH.
The hardest part for me was that Joshua had bought Clark a special birthday card...it was a card with a cat on it that had SOUND. Joshua was SO excited about giving it to Clark. At 10:10 p.m., my little Downsie man is sitting on the couch, yawning...and holding that dang birthday card he had chosen for his brother, who still isn't home. I ended up telling Joshua that he could go to bed and just give him the card in the morning.
I.was.so.mad.
And, even more than that, I was so incredibly sad.
I mean, honestly, is it unrealistic to think that a family might want to spend a little time with one of their own ON HIS BIRTHDAY? I think NO.
IT'S NOT LIKE HE'S NEW HERE.
Expectations. They can be real buzz killers, am I right?
I had expected that Clark's birthday would play out one way. He had expected it would be another way. I am trying to slowly give him wings. He is trying to break down the door. I want him to appreciate the past. He wants to make his own way.
Kind of a recipe for disaster, isn't it?
But, we had a talk...and there were some tears (mine)...and grace was given all the way around. I will say that Clark's 18th birthday is one I will never forget...but I kinda hope that it's edited in my mind as the years go on, so that I just remember the good parts.
Clark is a great kid. He is a strong Christian young man. He's a leader, a teacher...a loyal friend. He's dedicated, sincere and caring. He is self-motivated, intense and focused. He does not like to make mistakes. He likes to know what he is doing, and he likes to do it well. Like most teenagers, he is just wanting to grow up NOW. He is having a hard time realizing that being independent doesn't mean that you don't need anyone...and that you don't SEEK OUT wise counsel when necessary. The Bible says that "all Scripture is inspired by God and is profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, for training in righteousness." (2 Timothy 3:16). The Bible is for people of ALL ages. Jim and I still need wisdom...and while we seek it from others, for sure...we also go straight to God's Word for answers on how we are to live our lives.
I love each of our children so much. I don't love them more on their birthdays than on other days. Birthdays just make me a little more reflective...and when a child has been through so much and has been spared FROM so much, I look back and each year seems so significant.
But, then again, we have all been spared from so much...if we know Jesus.
Because we deserve death, but He gives us life.
"For God made Christ, who never sinned, to be the offering for our sin, so that we could be made right with God through Christ..." 2 Corinthians 5:21
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