Parenting Stages

I've been thinking a lot about the stages of parenting. Not the ones that you typically hear of...you know, the ones that depend on the stage or age of your child.

I'm talking about parenting stages from the PARENT'S side of things.

Here you go, kids...these are my totally unscientific observations as a Mom of 4:

First, there's the stage where your kids hang on your every word. They adore and idolize you, and you love it because they think you are so smart. We had the sweetest little family. In this stage, our kids got along with each other most of the time. They sang "Christian" songs in the car and at home. They knew their AWANA verses. They acknowledged God as the giver of every good thing, and life was sweet and lovely and good. This stage is when you'll hear things like, "I love you more than ANYTHING, Mommy, " or "my Dad is bigger than your Dad." You may think, "I've got this parenting thing down!" WARNING! Don't get used to this stage!

Secondly, there's the stage when they go from being really loving and lots of fun one minute...to just being exasperated with you. These are typically the tween-ish years. This gets annoying. This is when you'll hear, "But, MOMMMMMMMMMM!" I got lots of notes during this stage, usually from my daughter, stating all of her reasons why she should get to go somewhere/do/ buy something...when we had originally said "no."

Third, there's the stage when they think you are dumber than wood. They make fun of you behind your back to their friends...you know they do...and it makes you so mad because you are JUST TRYING TO HELP THEM and MAKE THEIR LIVES BETTER. This is when you typically won't hear how lame you are, but you know they are thinking it...and you know they are telling their friends. It's hard not to take things personally and we do always want there to be respect from all parties. But we have to realize that YES, they are just kids...and NO, they have no idea how much braces cost...and we have to understand that the reason they are so crabby at home after school is because they have been bombarded all day and they feel SO MUCH PRESSURE from others, and they are just tired of being nice (this was a direct quote from one of mine whose name shall not be mentioned but it rhymes with 'Polly'). And because sometimes they need a safe place to just...BE.

There's the stage when they are sooooo much smarter than you, and they'll make fun of you right to your face. If you're like me, this will make you sad. I got my feelings hurt a LOT. This isn't always done in a smart-mouth way, altho I'm sure it could be. My experience was that they talked down to me. You'll here things like, "I know you said to do it this way, but I did it like this instead." And, "I'm pretty sure JESUS wouldn't care what I wear to church." In this stage, I really had to search my heart a lot...because sometimes things ARE different and sometimes our kids DO know more than we give them credit for and sometimes we CAN say yes and I never want to be one of those parents who shut down their kids without even listening to what they have to say...that whole two-ears-one-mouth thing (listen twice as much as you speak). So, pray...think...pray some more. Apologize if you need to.

The next stage is when YOU know that THEY know that you MIGHT know a tiny bit of what you're talking about. Oh, you still think they make fun of you, but you aren't 100% sure...and it kind of bothers you a little that they would. Stubborn. Just like me and you. Just take a deep breath and be patient. They are finding their way as young adults...like we all did. And we are slowly having to back off in our parenting role as we have always known it.

Finally, there's the point where they acknowledge you were right about many things (not that any parent is right 100% of the time), or that you knew what you were talking about, or that your idea was a good one, or that they see that you really did have their best interests at heart...and they thank you for how you raised them. They will come to you during this time with questions or ask for your opinions or advice. Your parenting role has changed to that of more of a mentor and friend. You're pretty sure they, along with their rat-fink siblings, still make fun of you...behind your back AND in front of you...but you don't really care because it's usually done in a fun-loving way.

This last stage can last a long time, but don't get too used to it, either...about the time you think your kids have really gotten the big picture of everything you've tried to teach them all these years...you die.

"Direct your children onto the right path, and when they are older, they will not leave it." Proverbs 22:6