I don't...but my kids say I do. They call that child the "Golden Child," and it infuriates me to no end.
I
I wrote this post tonight after a friend of mine informed me that it was "Middle Child Day." Whoopsie! I either didn't know that, or over-looked it. My middle child would say, "typical."
(slow blink)
My first child...oh, how I love him. He was much anticipated and prayed for. Within minutes of his birth, he was given a diagnosis that totally changed the direction of his life...and of ours. He has Down Syndrome. We had to let some of our hopes and dreams go...in order to fully embrace the new hopes and dreams that God gave us along the way. And while each day, especially in the beginning, has contained struggles all its own, I wouldn't change a thing. God knew what He was doing...giving us this precious child. He's my man-child now, at the ripe old age of 27. We are living in what I like to call the "years of blessing." After 20+ years of pushing and prodding and therapy and fighting and insisting and "including" and crying...we are in a time of complete joy and peace where he is concerned. He is constantly on my mind. I know his thoughts and dreams. I know his struggles. I think about him, plan for him, plan around him, watch out for him and protect him with everything in my being. I pray for him, and I pray for myself...for wisdom and discernment for the future. I know these days will not last...that harder days are ahead. I mean, they have to be, right? For now, I soak up the goodness and blessings of God that I see in this gentle one. I love him, but not more than the others.
My second child...oh, how I love her. She was a surprise...not her birth, but her sex. She was the first girl on my husband's side in 86 years or so. And I loved every inch of her...blue-eyed, curly blonde hair, sweet smelling skin. Each day, as I looked at my daughter, I marveled at the wonder and goodness of God. She was so easy and pleasant. She was a natural teacher and caretaker with her older brother. She danced and sang and played. I watched her struggle at times as she was growing up..with many of the emotions that the teenage years bring: coming face-to-face with right vs wrong...in her friends, and maybe even in herself; making choices; accepting consequences. At times, she was embarrassed by her older brother...having that internal fight between knowing what was RIGHT and just wanting to be a "normal" kid with a "normal" family who didn't stick out every place we went. She pretty much sees things in black and white...no gray areas. As she has become a young adult, I've seen her embrace the compassionate side that I always knew she had. I pray for her to hold tight to her convictions, but to see others through the eyes of Christ. I've watched her be a successful college student and now a dedicated nursing student. She is very smart and loyal. She is a faithful wife, and has worked hard to make a "home" for herself and her husband. I have seen her embrace her role as SISTER to all 3 of her brothers. They are all different and unique, and she meets them where they are. She is a wonderful daughter and I love how our relationship has changed. I am just so proud of her and I love her so much...but not more than the others.
My third child...oh, how I love him. Such an easy pregnancy and delivery. Such an fun and playful child. He bounced and skipped everywhere he went. He told stories in endless detail and with such animation in his voice. He made every day interesting...he still does. He has brought much joy and laughter into our home. I don't think I've ever asked him how he feels about being the "middle" child. I'm sure he would have something to say about it! I have tried not to favor him because of it. This child, like the ones before him, is different and unique. He is really smart, but he thinks differently than the others. Even at a very young age, he was extremely gifted athletically and could play any sport well...still can...and he had a competitive streak in him that the two before him didn't really have. I think Jim hoped he would be more like him...driven, focused, determined...and he was...just not in the same way or for the same things. This third child is relaxed and laid-back...unless he's playing a sport, and then WATCH OUT. He is rarely in a hurry. He does things and they look "fine" to him. He is not concerned with sweeping up every blade of grass after mowing, because "the wind is just going to blow it all back, anyway." He is not big on talking on the phone and letting me know what is going on with him...but he will call to tell me that he just saw a giant bunny...or the cutest dog...or send me a picture of his fiance's baby cousin doing something cute. He has such a big heart...I pray for him to seek God in all things and ask for God to honor his obedience. He is lovable and sweet and very, very LOUD when paired with #2, but especially when paired with #4. I love him so much...but not more than I love the others.
The baby...oh, how I love him. And not just because he's the baby. Such a difficult pregnancy and delivery. I was very, very sick...and he was dangerously early. But God spared our lives and I am thankful every, single day. Such a difficult beginning...from being 12 weeks premature...to a cancer diagnosis at 2 years of age...to the surgery and the hospital and the chemo. The baby has always been thoughtful...as in, a thinker...not impulsive at all. He thinks about what he does before he does it. He loves to learn. He asks a million questions about everything and wants to know how everything works...and how things came to be. He loves his Dad. If Jim is outside...rain, sleet, burning hot...he is out there with him. This child shares many passions with his Dad...not just a love for learning, but they also enjoy biking, hiking and running. If he has any faults, it's that he is frequently frustrated with his inability to perform at a peak level in all things and at all times. He is really smart and strong-willed and competitive. He seems to be a natural leader, and well-liked...people naturally gravitate to him. I pray constantly for God's favor on him, and that he will use his gifts for His service. And I pray that the grace this one shows to others, he will have for himself. This one is compassionate toward others, and, like his brother just before him, and their sister, seem to have a knack for attracting those who just need a little "extra." I love him so much...but not any more than I love the others.
I am thankful for 4 very different children. I DO NOT HAVE A FAVORITE CHILD!
If I asked you to choose the one my kids call the "Golden Child," which one would you pick?
(wait...don't answer that!)
"...children are a gift of the LORD..." Psalm 127:3
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