Friday, September 19, 2014

Boots and The "Athletic" Calf

Yesterday, I met Holly for lunch after her clinical rotation at the hospital.

I needed to run by the mall and pick up some jeans for Clark, so we decided to have lunch at Cheddar's, which is right across the street from our mall. We had such a fun time. We got right in without waiting, even tho it was 12:30, and we were seated at a table right by a couple who had the CUTEST blond-headed Downsy girl. Holly could barely even function while we sat there because STALKER.

The other thing that happened there was that I had one of the best salads of my life. I got an Asian salad that was huge and ah-may-zing. I ordered it without mangos, because ain't nobody got time for that, and man...it was so good! It's in my Top 10 of salads.

I'm starting to talk like my Grandma Ellen, maysherestinpeace. She always talked more about her food than anything else.

After lunch, we went over to the mall. Holly had some Dillard's gift-cards she was dying to use and she wanted a pair of boots. She picked out a pair that she really liked, and after getting a different size and modeling them while wearing her white scrubs, she decided she would just "think about it."

We went down to American Eagle, where I chose 1 pair of jeans, 1 pair of khakis and 1 pair of blue pants for Clark. Holly picked out a shirt for him. It took less than 5 minutes and we were done.

Boy shopping. It's soooo different.

I was just sure I would be bringing everything back, because shopping with Logan or Clark = your.worst.nightmare. BUT in a moment of good fortune, he liked everything and it all fit.

That has NEVER happened.

After we were done at AE, we went back to Dillard's. Holly found a sales lady and asked her to check the balances on all of her gift-cards. It turned out to be more than what she thought, so she said, "I might have enough money to try on those OTHER boots."

She had kind of liked these other boots, but they were more expensive. Plus, she was concerned that they didn't have a zipper and she would have to pull them on. We couldn't find the first sales girl, so we had this young guy helping us and bless his heart. He didn't really have a clue about shoes. Holly tried on one pair of boots and she didn't really like them as much as she thought she would. She said they felt a little tight, and made several comments about being worried she was going to "zip up her flesh" in the zipper. And THEN she tried on the boots without the zipper.

I have never laughed so hard.

First of all, you need to know that Holly is perfectly proportioned. She is tall and beautiful, and WHY DESIGNERS DON'T MAKE BOOTS TO FIT OVER THE NORMAL WOMAN'S CALVES, I DO NOT KNOW. This is America, people.

Anyway, she was trying to be all cool, but she is dressed all in white like the Good Humor Man, and she is tall and blonde. She stands out all on her own in this shoe department. She has pulled her scrub pants up to her knees, and she is hopping around, trying to pull these boots on with all of her might and they.will.not.go.on.

And then the shoe-guy says, "I think we have some boots for the more...uhhh...ATHLETIC CALF."

And that's how Marty lost it.

LOST.IT.

I don't know...it just hit me funny, and it reminded me of the time my Mom got ticked over a glittery dust-pan. Because, haven't you heard of athletic cut shirts? They make it sound like only the guys who are really buff can wear this cut of shirt. Everyone else has to wear the "classic cut" shirt...you know, for the Pillsbury Doughboy in all of us!

I laughed and laughed and laughed. I had tears streaming down my face. The shoe-guy did not know what to think and other women in the store were just staring at us. I didn't even currrrr.

I intend to use the heck out of that phrase for the rest of my life. Or, for as long as I can remember it.

I need an athletic cut recliner...an athletic cut seat on a plane...an athletic cut parking space...an athletic cut chair at choir practice...athletic cut skinny jeans...athletic cut yoga pants...

In the spirit of the song from Titanic, this phrase could go on and on.

And it shall.

And then, last night at choir, Holly asked me about my watch...how much it cost and all of that. I bought it last year after Christmas, with two gift-cards I'd received. I said, "why do you ask?" She said, "forget the boots...I may just get a watch!"

Hoping and praying all of you out there have a good weekend, and may all of your boots fit over your calves.

"A joyful heart is good medicine..." Proverbs 17:22

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