Tuesday, July 21, 2015

DRAMA: How Joshua and the FRIENDS Are Making Me Crazy

So...how was YOUR day?



Annnnnnnnnd back to me.

This morning at 8 o'clock, I started getting texts from one of the FRIENDS at Joshua's Therapeutic Recreation. According to this FRIEND, someone's MOM had said, "the reason Joshua flirts with girls is because of his disability."

A grown-up said this.

A grown-up person and mother of one of the FRIENDS at TR said this.

A grown-up person and mother of one of the FRIENDS at TR who barely knows Joshua AT ALL said this.

And she apparently said this TO her child, who goes to TR with Joshua...or she said it within his ear-shot.

And I about went nuts.

Because, seriously?

We are very careful about the things we say around here. Not because we are perfect people or anything like that. Not even because we are Christians, and God says, "love one another," and we are trying to model that behavior. We ARE and we DO...but the main reason we are careful is because IT WILL GET REPEATED.

The person who said this has very little knowledge of Joshua. Her son has an aide and the aide is the one who comes to TR and the aide is the one who knows Joshua.

Regardless, or...how they say it around here: IRREGARDLESS...it was an uncalled-for remark.

If she even said it. With this group of FRIENDS...you just never know.

First of all, I have some feelings about some things. And about some people. And while I may discuss those feelings with Jim in our own home, I would never, ever, EVER say anything that would cause Joshua to think badly of one of his FRIENDS.

Another thing, I don't really like the word, "disability." I mean, it's not really offensive to me or anything. I realize we have to have some kind of word to describe things. We have just spent 29 years of Joshua's life encouraging him to try new things and pushing him a little past the point of his comfort zone...and never letting him use his "disability" as an excuse.

Joshua HAS Down Syndrome. It's not who he IS. And while Down Syndrome has kind of defined our family, "oh...are they the ones who have the son with Down Syndrome?" and our "ministry" as a family...I don't want it, or any "disability," to define HIM.

And, yes, I KNOW I should've been the mature one, and I probably should not have responded to the texts at all.


It burned my hate fire really aggravated me that the FRIENDS were repeating something that we aren't even sure was said...AND they were talking about their FRIEND Joshua behind his back...AND it was 8:15 in the morning and JOSHUA HAD NOT EVEN GOTTEN THERE YET.


And so I might've texted back something along the lines of it not being nice to talk about people behind their backs...especially not boyfriends and best friends that you've had for ELEVEN YEARS.

And she might've texted me back something along the lines of, "I know, Mrs. Marty, but..." and then recounted the whole story of who-said-what (allegedly) and again: JOSHUA NOT THERE.

In my mind, I could just see Joshua waiting in the car with Clark...just being his happy self...no clue of the perfect storm that was brewing.

So, I may or may not have texted something along the lines of, "You all need to GROW UP."

And she texted back, "I love my joshyboo."

I told her that I do not like the word, "disability," and we do not typically use it in our home. I told her that I didn't want people to think of her as "disabled" or Joshua as "disabled." I said, "y'all have 'challenges,' and everyone has 'challenges...' and they're different for everyone."

Then she said, "I know u mad now but we have to talk."

I texted back that I did not need to talk to her because this had nothing to do with me...and that they all needed to realize how hurtful it can be when gossip is spread around.

And then she called me...but I didn't answer it. Not because I was mad at her...but because I didn't want to be sucked into the drama. I told her that THEY started all of it, so THEY needed to figure it out. And then several of the FRIENDS started texting and messaging me and I did not respond to any of them because DON'T GET ME INVOLVED IN YOUR DRAMA.


I hope this doesn't sound mean, altho I'm kind of thinking that if you don't have adult children with special needs...you might not understand what it's like. And, who knows? Maybe all groups of adults with special needs don't act like this.

But these FRIENDS? Think toddlers...mixed with pre-teen hormones and drama...in adult bodies, I love them, but sometimes they WEAR.ME.OUT.

I decided to let the TR Director handle it. That way, it wasn't like I was being a "tattle-tale." She could just address it as part of the topics they work on in their group.

Joshua never said a word about it, so either he was totally oblivious to it all...or he just didn't care about any of it.

I had texted Clark this morning, to give him the heads-up. He saw the adult group, because they were at the pool at the same time...and he said all the FRIENDS were all worked up over it. Well, not ALL of them...just the few who stirred it all up.

We'll see how tomorrow goes.

"Whoever covers an offense seeks love, but he who repeats a matter separates close friends." Proverbs 17:9

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