I've written before about how I grew up...here.
I grew up in a Christian home...where both of my parents were Christians and they raised us in church and taught us the precepts of our faith that I hold dear to this day.
My Dad was in the Air Force and my Mom worked outside the home. We traveled a LOT. It was a great life, but it was hard. There was a lot of instability, as far as what was going on outside of our home. I never felt...secure. Just as I was making friends and the new-kid knot in my stomach was starting to loosen just a little...we would move again.
Now that I'm a parent, I just feel for my Mom and all that she had to go through and deal with every time we made a move.
Pretty much my whole life...I've been the new-kid. All through school...ugh. It's just so awful to walk into a new school, classes already in progress...and be given a schedule and books and a desk. Friends have already been made and established. The "teams" were already chosen and full. The clubs were already formed..dues were paid...t-shirts ordered...and I didn't have one. I knew no one. Maybe I didn't even bring a lunch that day. Makes me feel sick just thinking about it. From the time I was born until I graduated high school, I moved 16 times. I went to two different schools in the 1st grade. I went to THREE different schools in the 4th grade.
(sigh)
I moved from an island that was 90 miles from mainland China...to middle Oklahoma. I went from a place where we wore sandals and tropical colors year-round, where the biggest outing was taking the military shuttle to the base to watch Disney movies...to being dropped into a place of cowboys and jeans and boots and music I had never heard before. The southern accent wasn't as hard to understand as Taiwanese...but it did take some getting used to.
After 3 months living in a guest hotel while our belongings were shipped to the states, I was tan as tan could be from spending every day at the pool. The first day of HIGH SCHOOL, I wore orange pants and an orange flowered shirt that our "sewing lady" in Taiwan had made us.
I was a real treat.
Everyone else in my very large school was wearing jeans...and I didn't even own one pair. Yeah. I stood out...and not in a good way.
My whole life, I guess I had been looking for significance and security. I didn't know that at the time, but if I look back on some of the choices I've made and how I've chosen to live my life and raise my children...it's clear. And when I look back on my life, the biggest thing I see?
God's hand...leading, guiding, protecting...ME.
When I was 10 years old, I gave my life to Christ. At that time, I didn't know all that I know today...and that's okay. Jesus meets us where we are. He doesn't leave us there, or let us stay there...but He meets us where we are...and where I was was...that I was a kid. A "good" kid. A kid who was always the new kid. A kid who always wanted to belong...to feel safe, secure and settled.
And Jesus came into my heart and He filled all the empty places and spaces. He filled my loneliness with His constant presence. He took away the insecurities that came with always being the new kid...the odd-man-out. His "team" is never filled, never complete...there's always room for one more. Or ten thousand more.
Now, being a Christian does not mean you will live a life of ease...or a life with no stress or difficulties or trials. There are the big things I've experienced: having a child born with Down Syndrome...a premature baby...a toddler diagnosed with cancer...the death of a parent. HARD THINGS IN LIFE.
But there are also those every day trials as well...the attitudes, stubbornness, and disobedience in my home.
And that's not even counting what goes on with the kids!
Hahahaha...see what I did there?
I've said it before...for me, the best part of being a Christian is not the promise of Heaven when I die...altho, pretty great, huh?
No, the best part for me is that He is with me every day...leading, guiding, disciplining when necessary, prompting, comforting, protecting. Knowing this gives me such peace. I need Him every.single.day.
Do you know Him? Do you have this peace?
You are so important to God that He sent His only Son to die on a cross for your sins...and for mine. The sinless Lamb of God paid a debt that we never could...our debt. THAT'S how much He values you...how much He loves you.
But He didn't stay in that grave. He rose again on the 3rd day and He is alive and well...and He is waiting for you.
If you don't know where to start, start by praying. He will hear you. Tell Him all of your fears...acknowledge your sins and confess them to Him...every single one you can think of...and ask Him to forgive you. He will. Just like that. You can make a change and start your new life today. Begin reading in the book of John in the Bible. I just know it will bless you so much.
"For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whosoever believes in Him should not perish, but have everlasting life." John 3:16
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