Wednesday, February 4, 2015

Grain Brain

I have Grain Brain...and I'm not talking about the book.

Oh, we have the book.

I unfortunately bought it for my husband on the recommendation of a family member who shall remain nameless because she is now dead to me.

And I should've known that he would take the info from this book and run with it, now that he's gettin' all healthy and stuff.

I've got Grain Brain from the book. And from Jim reading to me from the book.

And, hey...I get it. Too much gluten can lead to some health issues in many people. Even a little gluten can lead to health problems in some people.

If me, or Jim, or one of our children...or our future grandchildren...were diagnosed as being gluten intolerant, or ANY type of thing that required a dietary intervention, I would be ALL OVER IT. I would.

Jim is not gluten intolerant, so I don't really get this new obsession. He's now reading ALL THE LABELS, which is fine, but he is reading ALL THE LABELS to me.


Last night, in fact, he started reading (out-loud, to me) a list of all the things the author said should NOT be in our pantry.

The list consisted of basically everything in our pantry:

Flour, white sugar, brown sugar, powdered sugar, candy, candy corn, candy canes and syrup, processed foods, corn syrup, ketsup...


I blacked out for a few minutes. KETSUP? 

Ketsup is a huuuuuuuge staple in our house. Always has been. You can get rid of the ketsup if you can pry it out of my cold, dead fingers. Until then...step off...(name that movie) (Meet The Parents).


You take ketsup away and you might as well kill Joshua, because that man-child eats ketsup on EVERYTHING.

And then, if that wasn't enough, Jim started in on bathroom products: Shampoo...make-up...

I'm here to tell you, this Grain Brain book is gonna be the death of him me.

I got him good, tho. I went to The Krogers and bought him some gluten free English muffins. They look like the bottom of a shoe. This morning, he said, "I tried one of those "muffins" you got for me." I said, "oh yeah?" He said, "yes. It took me all of 5 minutes to even get the thing to where I could eat it...because it was frozen. And then, it was SO HARD to eat. I'm pretty sure all the calories I burned were from chewing it and hacking it down."

My grocery cart looked like the cart of a crazy person. I had gluten free items...and I had vanilla ice-cream, chocolate syrup and diet dr pepper. 

I also got him some raw pumpkin seeds at the store. He said, "what am I supposed to do with these?" I said, "It was on the list of things your book said you could eat."

Last night, he was trying to convince our 18 year old son that he needed to take them to school for a snack after track practice., made your gluten-free bed, now you lie in it...uncomfortable and hungry.

"It is good to proclaim Your unfailing love in the morning, Your faithfulness in the evening." Psalm 92:2


  1. This is too funny!!! I think GF eating has become super trendy, and mostly unneccessary. :) HOWEVER, my family is kind of 'gluten-lite' meaning I feed my family mostly fruits and veggies, and try to make our flour-based food from non-GMO whole wheat berries that I grind in our vitamix. We still have ice cream in the freezer and ketchup in the fridge but we eat them much less frequently now, and the result is that I feel GREAT! Personally I don't refuse someone's hospitality because it has gluten in it, I just try to make non-gluten choices for us at home and we mostly eat at home anyway.

    Plus if you're going to GF it definitely has to taste GOOD! shoe-leather English muffins (and those crock-pot peas you posted about a while ago)... sound like they don't count.

    I know you weren't asking for advice!!! But can I offer a favorite recipe? 2 eggs, 1 T of nut butter, 1 banana. Blend it. Fry it like any other pancake batter. Call it a protein pancake and serve with syrup if you want, or more nut butter, etc. Substitute in some yogurt, thicken with oats, use pumpkin for banana, add nutmeg, the possibilities are endless and delicious! Don't expect actual fluffy pancakes like the ones with flour and baking powder, but they will be tasty!

    1. Forgot to say, use a blender for your protein pancakes. And we definitely eat meat and dairy too, not just produce! :)

    2. THANK YOU SO MUCH for the helpful hints and the recipe! I'm going to tell Jim about the protein pancakes! I'm sure he will try them soon! Tonight, however, he had a handful of peanut m& I'm not sure how well his GF existence is going! I appreciate your comments so much. :)