'Maters

You have to really love tomatoes to love the smell of them cooking.

On your stove.

In your house.

FOR HOURS.

Which, I don't.

This weekend, just like last weekend, my husband Jim-Paula-Deen, decided to make tomato juice with the tomatoes he brought back from his parent's house.

I honestly don't know anyone who drinks tomato juice. My DAD used to drink it when I was growing up...so I thought it was for OLD PEOPLE.

(ahem)

All I know is that my refrigerator is now full of pitchers containing that bright, red liquid, and it about grosses me out every time I open the refrigerator door. And the only thing I can think of is the episode from Seinfeld when Kramer takes his blood out of the blood bank, because they are charging him too much to keep it there...and he moves it to his own freezer. Jerry tells Kramer that if even ONE DROP of that blood finds it's way across the hall to his apartment, he will FREAK OUT. In fact, Jerry gets so paranoid about the blood that he becomes convinced that Kramer has put some in his refrigerator. He sees a bottle of red liquid and he FREAKS OUT and says, "that's blood, isn't it?" Kramer starts to drink it and Jerry is yelling, "YOU'RE SICK...YOU'RE SICK!" and Kramer says, "it's tomato juice."

This is where my mind goes every time I open my refrigerator door.

Make it stop!

So, you know what smells awful? Tomatoes cooking on the stove in your house for hours.

And it was the July 4th weekend, and so the kids were coming in and out...and it was not an uncommon site to hear the door open and hear  "OH...whaaaat? MOM! OH MANNNNNN!" And then the kids would cover up their noses and mouths and fall out on the floor.

We are not a dramatic people.

But if we were, I'd blame it on Jim.

See, after you cook the tomatoes on the stove, you pour it all into this strainer thing...and use this wooden plunger thing to mash it all in there...trying to get as much juice out as possible. And I was out-of-town last weekend with Holly, but apparently Jim cooked the tomatoes and poured it into the strainer thing, and all was good and well with the world until he found the plunger thing.

And then it hit the fan and he LOST IT.

His claim: I had used the wooden plunger thing to stir paint.

My claim: WHAT? No one in their right mind would use something like that to stir paint. It's too thick and heavy and awkward.

His claim: There was paint on it.

My claim: I DID NOT USE THAT THING TO STIR PAINT.

I asked the kids about it, because...here's the thing with age. You start thinking, "hmmm...maybe I DID do that," even tho every fiber of your being says that you didn't. The kids said they didn't remember ever seeing that thing at all. We don't use the strainer often, so it's put away for approximately 363 days of the year.

He said: "I had to SAND IT DOWN before I could even use it."

I said: "Well..."

(Well, actually I didn't say anything...I laughed)

And then HE said: "Well, I'm glad YOU think it's FUNNY. I don't think you'd appreciate it if I took one of your good spoons or spatulas outside in the dirt..."

And then I THOUGHT but didn't say (because Momma didn't raise no fool): If you only knew how many of my "good spoons" and "good spatulas" have been used BY OUR CHILDREN out in the dirt...

Anyway, so yesterday, he's back in the kitchen...cooking more of those dang tomatoes...and he started in AGAIN about the wooden plunger thing, and I said, "I have never used that thing to stir paint...and I asked the kids about it and THEY SAID that THEY have never used it to stir paint, so I don't know what you are talking about."

And then HE said: "I never said that you used it to stir paint."

(umm...yes you did...I just wrote about it UP THERE)

He said, "I said there was paint ON it and it was all banged up like it had been used to hammer down the lid on a paint can."

OHHHHHHH...

(light.bulb)

Yeah. I did that.

Saw-reeeee.

"Make allowance for each other's faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others." Colossians 3:13