Tuesday, March 17, 2015

Shopping For Swimsuits, AKA Jesus Take The Wheel

Today was the BEST DAY!

Last week, Holly and I had planned on spending an entire day together while Joshua was at Therapeutic Recreation. She was only going to have to stay at her nursing school for a couple of hours. Well, the day of, she texted me to say that she was going to have class all day after-all, so we couldn't go.

We were really looking forward to hanging out in Little Rock...shopping, having lunch, stuff like that. We were both looking for new swimsuits, and that requires some intentional, uninterrupted time.

And a mild sedative.

Can I get an AMEN?

Well, she was out of class all day today, so after we dropped off Joshua at TR, we hit the ground running.

First on the agenda: swimsuits.


You have to know where this is going, right? Because is there anyone in the history of forever who has ever really enjoyed this activity? I mean, normal-sized women, that is.

Back when Holly was a teenager, she was that kid in the dressing room you could hear telling her Mom, "this size 00 is just HANGING on me."

Felt so sorry for her. NOT.

Now that she's in her mid-20's, she is finding it's not all that easy to find a suit that meets all of her requirements...and FITS WELL.

We started off cautiously optimistic. We each grabbed an armful of suits and headed back to the dressing room.

Jesus, be very near.

The nice lady had put our rooms side-by-side, so that we could talk to each other through the walls, or step out to see each other, as we tried on suits.

Which, SIDE NOTE: Do you know what is NOT COOL when you are trying on swimsuits? MEN hanging around. Just please...go away. It's nice that you want to be with your wife and all of that, but please. You creep us out. AND, waiting right beside the entrance TO the dressing rooms? Also NOT COOL. Because when this ol' leddie walked out to show my daughter one of the suits I was trying on, there you were.

And there I was in all my glory...underwear hanging out of the swimsuit bottoms and all.

Please just go wait in the food court.

Anyway, we got started trying on suits. As I posted on my Facebook, Holly announced to everyone within ear-shot in the dressing room: "Jessica Simpson is dead to me." 

It got a slew of "AMENs" and one "mmmm...GIRL, you know that's right."

I don't even know...something about because she (Holly) has a long torso, she wasn't able to even pull the Jessica Simpson swimsuit up all the way, and WAS SHE ACTUALLY SUPPOSED TO WEAR IT LIKE THAT? Because that was x-rated...and ISN'T JESSICA SIMPSON A MOTHER?

The struggle is real, people.

Then, Holly started singing a rousing rendition of "Jesus, take the wheel," that had everyone in the dressing room, and the helper-ladies, cracking up.

Except creepy man.

Go away, creepy man.

In the end, we each ended up with two suits. Holly had broken into a sweat, and said her face was breaking out from the stress of it all. There was nothing else to do but go to lunch.

I mean, we had to, right?

We had a great lunch, and enjoyed our time together. We felt fortified enough to head back to the mall and continue our shopping. From where we parked, we had to walk through the store and past the swimsuit section WHERE WE JUST WERE...to get out to the actual mall. We were pretty far away, when we heard the lady who had helped us YELLING, "Miss Holly! Miss Holly! Are you comin' back for more?"


One of the other things on Holly's list to get was a new bra, so we headed to Vickie's Secret. That place always makes me nervous, for some reason. I mean, all women...or most women...wear bras. Why should buying them be a big deal?

I'll tell you one reason why...the men.

I know it sounds like I'm man-bashing, but I'm not. I have a husband...I have 3 boys. Love them all. I appreciate the man who was supporting his wife or whatever he was doing...in the swimsuit section, and I also appreciate the men who want to buy their wives pretty things.

I'd just like to introduce them to a little thing called, a gift card. Or "on-line shopping."

Because it's just weird, y'all.

But I'm old, so whatever.

Anyway, we both get new bras, and got in the lonnnnnng line of men...and women...who were waiting to pay. The checker-outer-lady said she was giving each of us a coupon for a free pair of cotton panties, but I thought she said that she was giving us a coupon for free cotton candy.

(I know, bless my heart)

I said, "COTTON CANDY? Sign me UP!"

And the checker-outer-lady and everyone in line behind us busted out laughing, and then Holly had to do the walk of shame WITH HER MOTHER...and leave the store.

It was the best day ever...and apparently I'm really craving carnival food.

So thankful for my girl.

"Surely Your goodness and unfailing love will pursue me all the days of my life..." Psalm 23:6

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