Saturday, June 13, 2015

That Time Joshua "Liked" A Facebook Post About Aging "Lady Parts" and I Died From Embarrassment

You know...every once-in-a-while...things happen that confirm that I'm on the right track with how I think.

I don't know if you've ever seen the movie, "Fantastic Mr. Fox." Even tho it's animated, it has some humor that is for older teens and adults. I don't remember it being inappropriate for young's just that my kids saw it when they were older teens, and they LOVED IT. The movie...the kind of "quirky."

Anyway, one of the quotes from the movie, that we use all the time in our home is, "if what I think is happening is better not be."

That was me last night. Jim, Joshua and Clark went down to visit his parents at the Lakehouse last night, and I stayed home to relax, watch TV and paint my nails.


I stayed home to finish painting the dang kitchen ceiling that I've been working on for weeks.

I know we should "never say never," but I'm gonna put this right out there right now. There's not much in a home that I won't do or try. Or haven't done or tried. I can caulk, sand, stain. I can hang pictures and things. I can texture, paint and glaze. I can wax. I can put on wallpaper and take OFF wallpaper.

But there is one thing I will never, EVER, EVER do again, and that is: paint a ceiling.

I am as cheap as the day is long when it comes to paying for something I can do myself, but it would be worth your money to pay someone else to do it. It was BY FAR the hardest thing in a house I have ever done. Probably because of my age, and the arthritis...or whatever that is that's in my hands...and the fact that WE WERE NOT MEANT TO PAINT THINGS ABOVE OUR HEADS. Sorry, Michelangelo.

Usually, the closer I get to finishing a project...the more energetic I get, because I can see the finished product. But, NO. Not this time. I hated that ceiling with every fiber of my being. And everytime I even THOUGHT about needing to finish up on it, I would immediately think of a million other things I could do with my time. Even last night, when I was down to a 2 foot by 2 foot spot and I would be DONE...I was thinking, "I can't finish this tonight...I just can't."

It all started the minute we signed the papers and closed on our home 3 years ago...little things started falling apart around here. One of those things involved a pipe upstairs and some leakage upstairs AND downstairs...which left a "wet spot" on our kitchen ceiling..which dried into one of those dried "wet spot" lookin' things. It was all you noticed when you walked in my kitchen.

Or, all I noticed.

BUT THEN, JIM tried to "patch" it with KILZ ceiling paint, or whatever it's called...and then tried to match the paint with some white paint we had in our garage.

Bless him.

It did not match at NOW all I noticed when I walked into my kitchen were the obvious places where Jim painted over the dried wet-spot.

Also, he used an acrylic paint, sooo there's that.

Because everyone knows you don't typically use acrylic paint on a ceiling.

I decided that I didn't really care if the ceiling was WHITE. The kitchen ceiling is separated from the family room ceiling, so it wasn't going to matter. I decided that if I got paint that matched the trim, it might make the room look bigger...taller. So I took a piece of trim up to the fine people at the Sherwin-Williams, and had them match it.

And, they had to use acrylic paint, because it had to go over the acrylic patches on the ceiling...unless I wanted to sand down the whole thing and remove the texture up there (which, I totally did, but I knew that would be more of a job than I could handle, and it would look really weird to have one smooth ceiling in the house, and not have ALL smooth ceilings in the house).

And, do you know what is harder than painting a ceiling?

Painting a ceiling with acrylic paint.

I dropped paint twice, like, on the floor. It got all over my body and it's hard to get off...even with really good products. It's in my hair, which will be a problem for Kayla-my-hair-girl on Tuesday.

The main thing about the paint, tho, is that...the paint does not match the trim. AT ALL. It's darker, like the tannish color I have on the walls. I actually like the color, but after I had already painted a can of it all over 1/3 of the ceiling...and realized that it did not indeed match after it dried (because you know how it looks darker when it's wet, but everyone says, "just wait til it dries?")...I had to have them make even MORE paint in the color that didn't that it would match.

Got it?

This post has gotten wayyyyy off track.

And so, last night, I finally finished my ceiling. I cleaned up everything and then I.sat.down.

I needed to shower. I needed to get ready for bed, but I was physically exhausted. So, I fixed some water and just sat down. I got out my phone and started going thru messages and checking social media.

And that's when I saw it.

And all of those times that I told JIM that Joshua still needed to be monitored on social media, and he kind of brushed me off? Well, not last night. Last night was a victory in the "I WAS RIGHT" camp.

However, it did nothing to solve the actual problem.

And this may be too much for you all to handle, and so spoiler alert: LOOK AWAY.

(I wish I could've just "looked away" last night, but you can't un-see what I saw)

Because what I saw when I was scrolling thru Facebook, was that Joshua "liked" a post that talked about how "things" age in women.

Like, the aging of women's "lady parts."

Like, how certain "lady parts" age over time.

"If what I think is happening is happening, it better not be"

So I "screen-shot" it and sent it to Jim, since he was at his parent's house. He told me that he talked to Joshua, and asked him to "unlike" it. He explained to Joshua that it wasn't appropriate for him to read articles like that...and Joshua said, "well, it was interesting."


And now I don't know if I"m more creeped-out that my adult Downsy son (altho it wouldn't matter which one of my sons it was, if they had read this article) knows about how "lady parts" age...or by the fact that he not only KNOWS more about it...he might be wondering what "stage" mine is in.

And judging me.

Like aging isn't hard enough.

"I think of the good old days, long since ended, when my nights were filled with joyful songs." Psalm 77:5-6

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