My Trip to the Heart Clinic

So, the other day, I went to this heart clinic thing for a check-up. I had seen this particular place advertised on TV, and, since heart disease runs in my family...I thought it would be a great idea to just go and get checked out. Plus, it only cost $99.

Maybe that was a sign.

Anyway, I got in there and turned in the paperwork I'd filled out...and I waited. When they called me back, the first thing they did was get my blood-pressure, which was fine. And then they took blood for lab work.

Not gonna lie...I kinda judged the blood-taking-girl by how she talked and presented herself. The bar was low, my friends. But she took my blood like a BOSS and I never felt a thing. NOT ONE THING!

The next thing they did was have me get on the scale, and, this was another sign that this place was a crock...because I weighed 4 pounds more on this scale than I did on the scale at the Urgent Care place just a few days earlier.

I DON'T THINK SO, HEART CLINIC.

Plus, I hadn't had anything to eat or drink before my appointment, PER THEIR INSTRUCTIONS, and I was more than a little cranky about it. Or, as one of Holly's nursing school friends likes to say, "crunchy." As in, I was more than a little CRUNCHY about it...and then to weigh FOUR POUNDS MORE? Are you kidding me?

Let me put this out there right now: I am not going to be responsible for anything I say or do when I'm hangry.

The next thing they did was a C/T scan. I've never had a C/T scan before, but Clark has...so it was interesting to me. And, bonus, the lady reading my scan complimented me on my Lilly Pulitzer scarf, and that made me feel like we were besties.

The last thing they did was put me in this room to wait. A girl came in and said she was going to do an EKG. She said, "pull up your shirt."

And I was, like, "'scuse me?"

No dinner or anything?

I DID NOT REALLY SAY THAT.

She said, "LIFT UP YOUR SHIRT." And so I lifted up my shirt, and she stuck all of the little leads on me, and hooked me up.

Sooo...here's the deal: do you know a woman...ANY woman...who looks their best with their shirt up to their neck, sitting straight up in a chair? Can we say, "pass the ROLLS, please?"

I wanted to die.

Not really...but it was a low point for me.

But here's a little heads-up for ya: If you have an appointment to have your heart checked, wear a bra. And, not only that, WEAR YOUR GOOD BRA.

I was thankful I wore my good one. :)

And then I was done...and then I waited some more. I saw the-girl-with-the-folder-of-information come around the corner and go to the room next to mine. Which, I thought that was weird, because she was hitting each station AFTER me, but whatever.

Then I saw the-girl-with-the-folder-of-information leave the room next to mine, and go BACK down the hall. Ten minutes later, she came into my room. She started telling me that she had gotten my chart, and the lady in the next room's chart...all mixed up. And that she'd had to go back and re-key everything.

I wasn't feeling too good about this.

Long story short: one of us...either me or the lady in the next room...has high cholesterol.

The-girl-with-the-folder-of-information said she was going to "go over my numbers" with me. She said that she can tell me what the numbers are, and "kind of" if they are good or bad...but she can't tell me HOW they got the numbers. She also said, AND I KID YOU NOT, "that's what they pay them people that makes the high dollars. Us people that makes the low dollars...they just tell us how to read them from the paper."

WHAT THE WHAT?

She said, "You know your cholesterol is high, right?" I shook my head, "no." She said, "well, it is. Try to get it down."

Oooooookay.

She said, "You are at 10% risk of having a heart attack in the next ten years, so that's good. You should be at 8%, but your cholesterol probably put it up higher...but that's still good."

I'm taking all this information with a grain of salt. Not the high cholesterol part...I'm watching all of my grains of salt now.

But they never asked about my history. Like the fact that my non-smoking, non-drinking Mom had a massive heart attack at the age of 59, and died. Her autopsy showed that she had undiagnosed heart-disease. Her only symptom was high cholesterol.

(EEEK)

Or the fact that HER DAD died at the age of 40 with a massive heart attack.

Or the fact that my healthy, non-smoking, non-drinking, athletic, low-cholesterol-having Dad...had a heart attack at the age of 74. He lived to tell about it, but his doctors could not even find a risk-category to put him in.

So, while it was nice to see a good EKG, and to hear that my BP was nice and low...excuse me if I don't give a lot of thought to their "10% in 10 years philosophy." I HOPE it's true...but I'm not counting on it.

I plan to continue taking care of my health...exercising, keeping a closer watch on the things I eat, and scheduling an appointment with a legit cardiologist, who will monitor my ticker. But my REAL hope is in the Great Physician, Who, before the foundation of the world...ordained all of my days.

"Your eyes have seen my unformed substance; All my days were written in Your book and planned before a single one of them began." Psalm 139:16