Today is my Logan's birthday. He is 22 (ooo-ooo-ooo). And he is at college and not here on his birthday. I miss him so much!
I know we just saw him for a few hours on Saturday, but it's his BIRTHDAY.
And it doesn't matter if they're young or old, near or far, living or dead...if you've born a child, carried a child, adopted a child, rescued a child, helped a child, loved a child, buried a child...your heart is tied to theirs and there are just gonna be days when you will miss them even more.
And for all of you out there who can't even imagine a day when you won't be there to celebrate your child's special day, get ready. Your day is coming...unless you're really fortunate.
So...I thought about it on Sunday. And I thought about it a little more on Monday. I plotted my escape plan for today.
But then last night happened.
We had an away JV game, and it was cold and windy and RAINING. I know that I've posted how much I love away games, and I do...but you know what's fun about being cold and wet and LOSING? Nothing. Nothing at all.
Well, I take that back. Our friends, Jerry, Stacy and Tori...who I WARNED about the weather and STRONGLY ENCOURAGED not to come...those ding-dongs came anyway. What great friends! It was fun seeing them again...and it kind of took the sting out of the very.stinky.game. we were watching.
But the best part happened after the game when our car wouldn't start. Yeah. That's special. And the jumper cables were in my Burb. And we were in the Camry. But Stacy found a maintenance man at the school, and he brought us some jumper cables...and the car started and we made it home safely.
So, this morning, I couldn't take Joshua to his Therapeutic Recreation outing in Little Rock. He was a little sad, but not too bad. Jim said he would go to work and then take a half-a-day of vacation, come home after lunch, and take the battery to be tested and get a new battery if necessary. Seriously?
I wasn't getting to go to see my college boy...on his birthday...but Jim was going to take vacation to fix the car? Seriously? He always ends up having lots of vacation days that he needs to use at the end of the year, and here is something I really wanted to do, and it's not even a thought in his mind. Argh. I was MAD.
Now, in Jim's defense, he did not know about my plans to go see Logan. I hadn't brought it up or even asked him about it...he had no idea. I never even thought he might want to take a day off and go with me up there, but here he was offering to take a day off to fix the car. I think he thought I'd be so happy, but I was fuming.
Anyone else ever do this?
Didn't think so.
But, really, it's not like he's new here. either.
So I mumbled something under my breath like, "no I do NOT want you to take a day off to fix the car. If you're gonna take a day off, I WANT to go see my son on his birthday..."
I went back to my bedroom to pray about my attitude and calm myself down. In a couple of minutes, Jim came back and asked me to call Logan and see if he was free for lunch...and if he was, we could go up to see him and just get the car fixed later.
It was wrong of me to get upset about something I had planned in my head, but never shared with Jim. And I know my husband. He is a planner. He doesn't like for me (or anyone else) to spring things on him. If I had brought it up and let it sit with him for a day or three, he'd probably have been happy to work it out for us to go...even with the car battery issue.
Well, I talked to Logan and he wasn't free. He had to go with his group from class...during the lunch hour...to interview a person for a group project.
All that frettin' for nothin'.
And we normally would've just gone up there for dinner, but the Arkansas State Red Wolves are playing UL Lafayette ON TV right now...and there's no way Logan will miss a game.
I wish I could've seen my boy today...that's just a Mommy thing, I guess. I have certainly missed some of his birthdays since he's been in college. I just think most Mommies want to see their kids on their birthdays, if possible. I remember when Holly and Aaron lived 3 hours away...two years ago. On her birthday, I got Clark to school, and then Joshua and I headed out. We drove 3 hours to get to her house. Then we stayed 3 hours with her...took her to eat and a quick shopping trip. I remember I bought her a big coat because the weather up there was so cold. And then we drove 3 hours home. A 9 hour day, and I didn't mind it at all.
Best 3 hours ever, seeing my girl on her birthday.
I am thankful for family and friends who are making this day special for him. They are texting, calling and messaging him today. I still miss him, but I know that HE knows how much we love him. We were able to celebrate his birthday this past weekend, and we are happy to have had that time.
I'm very thankful for the blonde-haired, bouncing boy who came into our lives 22 years ago. He's brought so much joy to our family.
"I prayed for this boy..." 1 Samuel 1:27