Worst. Mom. Ever.

Well, by now, my son thinks I am the worst mom ever.

Maybe he feels like that...I don't know.

Clark is up at Kanakuk. This is his 11th year to go, so it's not like we don't all know the drill. He typically stays one week every summer. This year is different. Today is his last morning of the week as a kamper...this afternoon, he starts his 2nd week...but, this week, he will be volunteering...doing maintenance, counseling, helping out when and where he's needed. It's called M:i-7. He is SO excited about it.

He only gets two weeks off of football in the summer. In Arkansas, we have two AAA mandated "dead weeks," where there can be no football at all. He will spend both of them at Kamp...and then be back home at the end of next week to hit the ground running. He wanted to be able to do some sort of missions or ministry work this summer, so he is excited about the M:i-7 program.

Today is the last day of Kamp for the week. It's when the parents come to pick up their kampers. There's a breakfast and we get to meet their new friends and go to their teepee and take pictures (yes, the kampers stay in these giant teepees!). Their counselors give them awards and talk about the qualities they've observed in them during the week. It's such a special time.

And where am I?

At home.

Ugh.

I...feel...awful...

I wanted to drive up to Kamp and experience all that is going on this morning. I wanted to be there for Clark, so that he wouldn't be the only kid without their family there. I mean, I know he won't be...but STILL. I wanted to be able to take the pictures and hear the affirming words and enjoy the morning. But it's a good 3 1/2 drive there...and I would be turning right around and coming home...without Clark. And then going back up there the next Saturday to pick him up. So, if you're keeping count...3 trips up there and 3 trips back...in 3 weekends

I was up for it. Jim was not. And he was not opposed to me going up there...he just didn't want me going by myself. I hated to ask any of the other kids to ride with me. We would have had to leave no later than 4 a.m. today. I casually mentioned it around the family, but had no volunteers. Can't say I blame them.

So, I've just been praying for God to make it all okay. In my heart...and in Clark's. He might not even care that I'm not there. Probably doesn't. I mean, he is 17 years old, after all.

But I'm a mom. And he's my son. And it's not because he's the youngest...I would feel this way about any one of our 4 kids. And I hope they know that I always want to be there for them...even when I can't be.

"Can a woman...feel no love for the child she has borne? But even if that were possible, I would not forget you! See? I have written your name on the palms of My hands..." (Isaiah 49:15-16)