Joshua, Lately

I love Joshua. He brings so much joy and life to our family. Over the past several years, he has turned into our very own Jay Leno...and he doesn't even know it.

Most of the time.

Like the time we were standing in the line at our local Wal-Marks...you know, where they put out all of the magazines you don't want your kids to read? Joshua used to turn every one of them over, so that the back was facing the front...and I let him. Because REALLY.

But the other day, as we were standing in line, he looked over at the magazines. On the cover of one of them was Lupito Nyong'o. She had just won an Academy Award for her role in the movie, "12 Years a Slave."

Joshua looked her picture and goes, "hey...OPRAH."

I laughed for 30 minutes.

And like how some of the stuff in my photo-prop box must've gotten mixed up with someone else's stuff. I'm PRETTY SURE I would never buy anything that says, "Hottie Police" on it. Joshua saw that hat, and put it on for our family picture in the pool, and there was no getting it off his head.

Because, like he said, "I LIKE the police."

And like how he told me one day that he was somewhere in the middle of not being nice and not being encouraging and not being supportive with Jenni. Yeah...in the middle.

And like how he asked me so very seriously one day, if I thought Jake (our old, dead dog) was "getting on God's nerves yet."

And like how he does math.

Joshua is also very honest, and sometimes that is very funny. Like the time we were headed to Therapeutic Recreation. I had planned on having lunch with a friend, so I was wearing a long-sleeved denim shirt...I thought it might be cold in the restaurant.

Joshua said, "Uhhhh...kinda HOT for long-sleeves."
Me: "You think so?"
Joshua: "You might have to take that shirt off."
Me: "Well, I hope not, because I am wearing a tank-top under it."
Joshua: "Yeesh. I don't really want to see that much of you."

WHAT? 

Like the time he told his girlfriend, Jenni: "don't worry, Jenni...your beauty is only skin deep."

And like he told me all of the FRIENDS in his cabin at camp were all, "a bunch of weirdos."

Joshua is also a HUGE Boy Meets World fan, so he has been anxiously awaiting the new GIRL Meets World. Told us the other day that he watched the first episode.

His insight? "Cory got a nose job. If you ask me, he should'a kept his regular nose."

Joshua is also very literal. As we were driving in town the other day, we saw a dead raccoon in the middle of the road. Joshua saw it, too. I joked, "he won't try that again," expecting to get a laugh.

Instead he said, "well...no. Not HIM, anyway...because...he's DEAD."

"I will be filled with joy because of You..." Psalm 9:2

Random Links on a Friday

I am not a morning person.

Well, I kind of am...but not by nature. Mainly by choice.

I have been forced to get up and be cheerful because KIDS, but I am not one who wakes up and thinks, "oh GOODY! It's morning!"

My kids? Oh, help me, Jesus. It's a well-documented fact that they are not morning people AT ALL.

Except for Joshua. He is definitely a morning person.

But, you know, as far as I can remember, I never have been able to sleep late. Like in high school and college when all my friends would sleep on Saturday until noon...OR LATER? I never could. Maybe I thought I might miss something...I don't know.

But today is a Friday. And it's a Friday when Jim didn't get up early to run. AND, not only THAT...it's a Friday when Jim has to work (he's supposed to be off every-other Friday). I usually get up before 6, but this morning, it was 6:10 when I woke up. I was having a dream that my over 40 year old friend, who has an 18 year old son...was pregnant! And apparently that shocked me so much, even in my subconscious, that I jolted awake!

Anyway, I helped Clark get his lunch ready. And by that I mean that I stood there feeling unneeded and unwanted while he packed it all himself...and then I walked him out to his car and he gave me a hug. I waved as he pulled out of the driveway.

Still, no response from him.

But today I didn't even currrr. SO TIRED.

I came back to my bed and texted our two married children. Every week day that they are in college/nursing school, I text them a good morning message or Scripture verse, and I tell them that I'm praying for them. And I do pray for them. It's about 7 a.m. at this time.

And then I did something very rare for me: I fell back asleep...and I slept the sleep of the gods.

Ahhhh...I slept until 8:30.

Then, I got up and made blueberry muffins for breakfast, because I promised Joshua last night that I would.

Today I thought I'd just share some posts that really ministered to me the past couple of weeks. Maybe you will like them, too:

*For when you wonder why you are in the place you are...and if you should be doing MORE, God has placed you where you are (Psalm 16:5-6) this from Katlyn Kincaid.

*On Ebenezer stones and training your eyes to look for hope, this from Emily Freeman.

*On finding a different kind of freedom, learning what makes us beautiful to God and others, these words from Liz Curtis Higgs. We are loved and chosen by God.

*On the real power of patriotism and these words from Ann Voskamp: "You aren’t a citizen of here working your way into Heaven; You’re a citizen of Heaven working His Way through here." ISN'T THIS GREAT?

*On how women need to stop judging each other, and how every yes to one thing is a no to something else, and how we really can't have it all...at least not all at the same time...and how every day we choose what is important...again with these words from Ann Voskamp. CAN I GET AN AMEN?

"Let everything that has breath praise the LORD..." Psalm 150:6

Joshua's Day Camp. Or, WHAT Is THAT in the POOL?

Joshua has been enjoying the Therapeutic Recreation (TR) summer day camp. He gets to see most of his regular friends, but there's also some new ones.

There's the "shy guhl" (girl). He doesn't know her name, just that she's shy.

There's the "medium-set" guhl. He's heard people described as being "heavy-set." This girl is "medium-set."

And there are two Brandons.

This morning, we were talking about two of the FRIENDS, Crystal and Brandon, and he said, "which Brandon? We have two. We have Mrs. Angel's Brandon and Crystal's Brandon."

I said, "well, Mrs. Angel's Brandon is brown, and Crystal's Brandon is white, so you should be able to pick out which one I'm talking about if I'M TALKING ABOUT CRYSTAL."

He said, "uhhh...Mrs. Angel's Brandon is BLACK. But both of them are preh-TEE HAIRY."

And, lest everyone think that "they" are "so loving" all the time, Joshua said there was one girl in the kid group...the one Clark is working with...who "gets on his last nehve (nerve)."

I told him that maybe she didn't mean to act ugly, and for him to be nice...and maybe avoid being around her if he could.

He said, "that's my plan."

This morning, his group went swimming. The staff likes for the FRIENDS to come dressed for swimming, because it takes SO LONG for them to change. Joshua was wearing his swimsuit and a white t-shirt. On swim days, he packs a bag with his extra clothes, shoes, sunscreen and a towel.

Part-way through our drive down to Little Rock he pats his leg and says, "I am wearing my SPEEDO under my swimsuit."

Now, what he calls his "Speedo," is a pair of black sliding shorts. Compression shorts. My boys have worn them under their football, baseball, basketball, soccer and track uniforms for years. Joshua has one pair that he wears with his weight-lifting suit during competitions. For some reason, that none of us know, he has always called it his Speedo.

And my other boys, and their sister...and my son-in-law...their mouths dropped OPEN one day when Joshua casually strolled out to the pool with that thing on...AND NOTHING ELSE.

Because it's very "fitting."

I promise we don't let him wear it out there if we have "company."

Anyway, he said he was wearing his Speedo under his swimsuit because he didn't like the "little pink lines" his swimsuit left in "this area." And he did air-quotes over "this area," and pointed to the area around his waist.

"ish"

I told him that the little pink lines were probably from the elastic in the swimsuit, but he said it was "annoying," and that he was going to wear his Speedo under it from now on.

Oooooooooooookay.

IN OTHER NEWS: Clark texted me at lunch to report that today at the pool (the kid group he works with and Joshua's adult group are there at the same time), one of the boys in the kid group "had diarrhea in the pool," and everyone had to get out of the pool. He said, "like, everyone...even other people not associated with the Therapeutic Recreation day camp."

Well, I should say SO.

Joshua didn't know what happened. He said he thought someone "HACKED" in the pool.

Anyway, Clark went into great and graphic detail LIKE BOYS LIKE TO DO, but just suffice it to say that the boy had "it" all over him and "it" was all in the water...and all of the FRIENDS were blissfully unaware of the situation, and were laughing and splashing and swimming around...all of "it."

(GULP)

And now I must go scrub down everything in my house with Lysol and rubbing alcohol...and take an anti-nausea pill.

"Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good." Romans 12:21

Drivin' Miss Marty. Or, How I Lost 10 Years Of My Life Riding With My 18 Year Old Son

The other night, as we were finishing up dinner, Clark said that he needed to return some things to Hobby Lobby for Faith (his girlfriend).

Let that just sink in for a minute, because those are words I NEVER thought I'd EVER hear come out of my 18 year old son's mouth.

I resisted the urge to pop off a wise-crack.

But it was hard.

I love Hobby Lobby, I do. In fact, it's one of mine and Holly's favorite places to go. And we looooove to take Joshua with us.

Joshua has a love/not love relationship with Hobby Lobby. He doesn't really understand how Holly and I can spend an hour walking around the store, commenting on everything.

On the other hand, if he finds out that we went without him, he gets upset.

One of our running jokes is that Holly will say, "hey, Joshua...what do you want to do today?" And Joshua will say, "Iiiiiiiii don't know." And she will say, "I was thinking that you, me and MOM could go to Hobby Lobby for about 3 hours...and then we can grab a quick bite of lunch...and then we can go BACK to Hobby Lobby for 3 more hours."

And that's how Joshua dies.

Anyway, all of that is just a side note. I love Hobby Lobby.

So Clark asks if I want to ride out there with him. At this point, it is 7 p.m. I told him I would...but that I wanted a Pineapple Whip after! He said, "I figured as much!"

Clark drags his feet and we finally get away from the house at about 7:20. We get about half-way there and I start looking around his car. I say, "where is the stuff we are taking back?"  And he goes, "uh-ohhhh."

It's back at Faith's house...which is close to OUR house. (grrr...)

We turn around and head back toward home. We get to her house and he runs in, picks up her things and we head back the way we WERE going...toward Hobby Lobby.

But do you know what ELSE we had to do? We had to go by Faith's work, because while the stuff to be returned was at her house...the RECEIPT was in her car. At her work.

Arrrrrrgh.

And, hey...do you know what people don't like? When you come into their place of business 10 minutes before closing.

And do you know what we were doing? Going into a place of business 10 minutes before closing.

I HATE that.

Did I mention that Hobby Lobby closes at 8?

I didn't say anything, but Clark knew.

Oh...he KNEW.

And then he did something really uncharacteristic of him: he reached over and started patting my knee.

It's at this point that you need to know that Clark is the slowest driver KNOWN TO MAN.

Don't get me wrong. I am VERY thankful that I have never had to worry about my kids driving fast like maniacs. They were definitely NOT the normal teen drivers that we all hear/complain about. Joshua doesn't drive, of course, but Holly is a very careful driver. Logan doesn't really like to drive, but when he does, he drives slowly. Drives Morgan crazy. And then there's Clark. I seriously thought...last night...that I could get out and physically run my big rear-end to Hobby Lobby faster than he was driving.

I could just feel my blood pressure rising.

He did more patting.

I seriously lost 10 years of my life, and my head nearly popped off.

In the end, we returned the items with no problems. The manager lady was kind of terse...and when I tried to make small-talk with her, she said, "we're all tired, here."

I can respek dat.

We left as quickly as we could...

And then I got my Pineapple Whip.  :)

"Seek peace and pursue it..." Psalm 34:14

'Maters

You have to really love tomatoes to love the smell of them cooking.

On your stove.

In your house.

FOR HOURS.

Which, I don't.

This weekend, just like last weekend, my husband Jim-Paula-Deen, decided to make tomato juice with the tomatoes he brought back from his parent's house.

I honestly don't know anyone who drinks tomato juice. My DAD used to drink it when I was growing up...so I thought it was for OLD PEOPLE.

(ahem)

All I know is that my refrigerator is now full of pitchers containing that bright, red liquid, and it about grosses me out every time I open the refrigerator door. And the only thing I can think of is the episode from Seinfeld when Kramer takes his blood out of the blood bank, because they are charging him too much to keep it there...and he moves it to his own freezer. Jerry tells Kramer that if even ONE DROP of that blood finds it's way across the hall to his apartment, he will FREAK OUT. In fact, Jerry gets so paranoid about the blood that he becomes convinced that Kramer has put some in his refrigerator. He sees a bottle of red liquid and he FREAKS OUT and says, "that's blood, isn't it?" Kramer starts to drink it and Jerry is yelling, "YOU'RE SICK...YOU'RE SICK!" and Kramer says, "it's tomato juice."

This is where my mind goes every time I open my refrigerator door.

Make it stop!

So, you know what smells awful? Tomatoes cooking on the stove in your house for hours.

And it was the July 4th weekend, and so the kids were coming in and out...and it was not an uncommon site to hear the door open and hear  "OH...whaaaat? MOM! OH MANNNNNN!" And then the kids would cover up their noses and mouths and fall out on the floor.

We are not a dramatic people.

But if we were, I'd blame it on Jim.

See, after you cook the tomatoes on the stove, you pour it all into this strainer thing...and use this wooden plunger thing to mash it all in there...trying to get as much juice out as possible. And I was out-of-town last weekend with Holly, but apparently Jim cooked the tomatoes and poured it into the strainer thing, and all was good and well with the world until he found the plunger thing.

And then it hit the fan and he LOST IT.

His claim: I had used the wooden plunger thing to stir paint.

My claim: WHAT? No one in their right mind would use something like that to stir paint. It's too thick and heavy and awkward.

His claim: There was paint on it.

My claim: I DID NOT USE THAT THING TO STIR PAINT.

I asked the kids about it, because...here's the thing with age. You start thinking, "hmmm...maybe I DID do that," even tho every fiber of your being says that you didn't. The kids said they didn't remember ever seeing that thing at all. We don't use the strainer often, so it's put away for approximately 363 days of the year.

He said: "I had to SAND IT DOWN before I could even use it."

I said: "Well..."

(Well, actually I didn't say anything...I laughed)

And then HE said: "Well, I'm glad YOU think it's FUNNY. I don't think you'd appreciate it if I took one of your good spoons or spatulas outside in the dirt..."

And then I THOUGHT but didn't say (because Momma didn't raise no fool): If you only knew how many of my "good spoons" and "good spatulas" have been used BY OUR CHILDREN out in the dirt...

Anyway, so yesterday, he's back in the kitchen...cooking more of those dang tomatoes...and he started in AGAIN about the wooden plunger thing, and I said, "I have never used that thing to stir paint...and I asked the kids about it and THEY SAID that THEY have never used it to stir paint, so I don't know what you are talking about."

And then HE said: "I never said that you used it to stir paint."

(umm...yes you did...I just wrote about it UP THERE)

He said, "I said there was paint ON it and it was all banged up like it had been used to hammer down the lid on a paint can."

OHHHHHHH...

(light.bulb)

Yeah. I did that.

Saw-reeeee.

"Make allowance for each other's faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others." Colossians 3:13