Down Syndrome Awareness: THINGS I KNOW FOR SURE

First of all, I want to thank everyone for the support and encouragement you've shown us this month. Some posts were very hard to write, but y'all were so kind. 

I feel like whatever we do: write, preach, teach, sing, minister, work, parent, volunteer, love...we need to remember that while it might affect others, our goal is to please an audience of ONE. I pray God was glorified, because what I need more than anything in this world...is more of Him, and less of me. 

I'm a pretty private person, so sharing such intimate parts of our lives on social media has been uncomfortable at times, but y'all kept me going. And now, on this last day of the month...Mommy needs a Diet Coke, and some Hot Tamales. Ha. 

This whole month has been about Down Syndrome awareness...which will hopefully lead to acceptance for individuals who have Down Syndrome, and for the ones who love them. 

I don't know what our lives would look like without Down Syndrome. I can't even imagine. I don't want to imagine. 

For us...for our family...it's brown, almond-shaped eyes and a big grin. It's hair that he flattens down every day but Thursday (he "spikes" it on Thursdays). It's singing #onthesamenote in every song. It's hearing "you're pretty," and "you're a good cook," and "my dad is a furious protector..." pretty much every day. 

It's help setting the table and unloading the dishwasher and straightening up around the house. It's him taking my hand, and saying, "let's pray" when he hears of a need. It's sheer determination, day after day, that makes his hand hold a pencil, so he can write letters on a page. It's overcoming a hearing deficit by using intense concentration. It's walking past his room to see him on the floor...in prayer. 

It's strength beyond his physical appearance that enables him to lift a bar and metal discs nearly twice his body weight. It's the way small feet wearing Crocs sound walking across the floor, or going up the stairs. It's the matter-of-fact way he accepts the truths of God in childlike faith. 

I don't pretend to understand the mind of God. All of these kids...these adults...God created them. And "God don't make no junk." He created them just the way they are...or He has allowed their circumstances...for His purpose, and for His glory, and for our good. 

I don't always see it...because with some people? Their lives are HARD and their challenges are great. But sometimes, God peels back a layer and allows me to see a glimpse of His purpose in all of this. 

For sure God has enlarged our territory. 

On March 28, 1986, our lives changed in an instant...and the focus of our family, and our ministry as a family, was made clear. Joshua has opened many doors for us to tell our story...which, really, is not our story at all...but the story God is writing in our lives. 

For sure God has enlarged our hearts. He has shown us more grace than we could have ever imagined. He's given us way more than we deserve. 

"Oh to grace how great a debtor, daily I'm constrained to be..." 

The goodness that has come into our lives because of God...because of Joshua, and the world his life has opened up to us...has enhanced and enriched our lives beyond anything I could have ever dreamed. 

"Let Thy goodness, like a fetter, bind my wandering heart to Thee." 

Fetter: "a chain used to restrain a prisoner." 

YES, Lord. Shackle our hearts to Yours. 

For sure God has opened our eyes. I wonder...if our hearts would've wandered if God hadn't given us Joshua. If pride and the pleasures of this world would've overtaken our lives, and pulled us away from what is truly important. Because, our hearts are weak, y'all. 

"Prone to wander, Lord I feel it. Prone to leave the God I love..." 

For sure God has stayed close...and kept us close to Him. 

In God's goodness, He chose Joshua for our family. Or our family for Joshua. And His goodness binds our wandering hearts to Him. 

"Here's my heart, Lord, take and seal it, seal it for Thy courts above." 

Joshua Garland, I choose you. Every.single.day. 

“Before I formed you in your mother’s womb I chose you. Before you were born I set you apart. I appointed you to speak to the nations for Me.” Jeremiah 1:5

[Down Syndrome Awareness Repost]: "High-Functioning" and Other Words That Make Me Cringe

There's this "thing" going on in the world of special needs. It's more of an undercurrent at this point...a "one-upmanship" thing, and I'm not happy about it at all.

Because not only do some of the FRIENDS feel like they don't measure up in the world of their parents and siblings...they now feel like they don't measure up in their own world.

And we, as parents, start to feel like something is bad wrong with us, if our child is not somehow exceeding all expectations or preconceived ideas.

We are putting our Special Olympians, ambassadors, students, employees, and spokespersons...up against each other. We accept those WE THINK will fit in better in society, and we call them "high-functioning."

ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

We stopped for lunch at Braum's in Alma, Arkansas, one day in June. We had just picked up Joshua from Camp Barnabas. I noticed a man staring at us (we get that a lot...ha!). As we stood up to leave, he came over and struck up a conversation with Joshua. He told us that he had a daughter who had Down Syndrome and Autism. Jim said, "oh, really? What does she DO?" Meaning...school, work, any type of volunteer post, or some kind of adult program.

The man replied, "nothing...she does nothing." And he kind of shrugged his shoulders.

Jim and I said, "ohhhh..." and let our voices trail off. We both thought to ourselves, "well, how SAD," but here's the thing...that should be okay.

Because, we don't know them. We don't know their daughter's abilities, challenges, or fears. We don't know their struggles, or anything about the roads they have traveled. And it's not for us to judge anyone else, or tell them what has worked for us...what they SHOULD or SHOULD NOT be doing...what so-and-so is doing. We aren't the boss of them. As long as they are doing what is best for THEIR child and THEIR family, who are we to say anything? And, unless they ask us for suggestions or opinions, it's none of our business.

*I'm saying that regular people shouldn't do this. OF COURSE, people who are professionals, who work with your child or at your child's school...they probably should be giving you suggestions.

Because for every individual with Down Syndrome who owns a restaurant, writes books, paints pictures, wins medals, makes speeches, attends college, meets presidents, and travels the world (and there's NOTHING WRONG with any of that)...there are a thousand other, seemingly insignificant and unremarkable individuals, who are quietly living their lives at home...or IN a home; who need some help...or a lot of help; who love their family, and enjoy their friends. They may not hear or see well...or at all. They may not speak well...or at all. They may not be able to walk well...or at all. They may be confined to a wheelchair, or to a bed. They may struggle with health issues, shyness, selective mutism. They may live with severe anxiety.

Their lives are no more important or valuable than the "stars" that shine in our Down Syndrome community.

All lives matter. ALL of them. All of us.

This month is about awareness...and, I hope, acceptance.

"...not a single sparrow can fall to the ground without your Father knowing it...so don't be afraid; you are more valuable to God than a whole flock of sparrows." Matthew 10:29, 31

Down Syndrome Awareness: The One Where Joshua Hates the Blender

Joshua has developed a love-hate relationship with our blender.

I noticed it over the last couple of years. When Joshua would unload the dishwasher, there were a lot of things that he just didn't put away. I took it as he either wasn't sure where those things went...or he couldn't reach the shelf where they were supposed to go.

It didn't cross my mind that he was not putting them away...on purpose; that he was trying to convey a deeper message.

The little stinker.

The other two boys noticed it first. Because Joshua would leave glasses and bowls out on the counter, but not just on the counter. He would stack them ON and AROUND the blender. One day, I came into our kitchen, and saw that Joshua had built a little "fort" or "wall" around our blender, with the glasses and dishes he'd taken out of the dishwasher.

WHAT IN THE WORLD? 

Finally, after intentional observations, and talks with Joshua, we have figured out that he does not like it when Clark makes smoothies. I don't know if it's Clark getting all the things together for his smoothie, talking about what he's going to put into his smoothie, and then actually putting those things into the blender...because that process would drive the Pope to drink. It's quite long, and Clark is typically quite animated...and the boy can talk the ears off a billy-goat (even if the billy-goat is not in the room)!

We also thought that maybe Joshua just doesn't like the noise the blender makes...because it IS loud...and he doesn't really like loud noises.

Whatever...he hates our blender. HATES. IT.

One day, I asked Clark to offer Joshua a small glass of his smoothie, thinking that if Joshua could taste it, and see the yummy goodness that comes from the blender, it might change his behavior. Joshua drank it, and he LOVED it. He said, "I don't know why I don't like the blender...this is GOOD!"

So, I thought we were over it.

Typically, if we call Joshua out on a behavior like this, and tell him this is not the behavior of a 30-something year old MAN, he will see how silly it is...and stop it. And he DID stop it...for a bit. But then, a week or two later, there was another barricade in front of the blender...and Clark.had.had.enough.

There were words between them. I didn't go in there...sometimes it's just best to let them hash it out.

Plus, Momma is tired. 

And old. 

I heard the sound of Crocs stomping upstairs, and I knew Joshua was mad.

When I came back into the kitchen, Clark had taken all the glasses and dishes that Joshua had stacked in front of the blender...and he had stacked them ALL on Joshua's place-mat at the table.

(sigh)

I saw his point, but #LOGICISNOTINOURWHEELHOUSE, and Clark knows that.

Joshua's head about blew off.

Around lunch time, we decided to go over to Holly's, and help out with the baby. Clark got into the car with a large glass of smoothie. He said, "will you hold this for a second while I run back in the house for a minute?" I said, "sure!" I asked Joshua if he wanted to try it, and he said, "yes." And then he proceeded to drink SEVERAL big gulps of it before Clark got back in the car.

Joshua wrote this comment on Facebook...this is word for word: "I might be a blender disliker user, but having a drink of a smoothie is can not be denied." #blenderdislikeruser

"Behold, how good and pleasant it is when brothers dwell in unity!" Psalm 133:1 

Down Syndrome Awareness: Explaining Jesus is the Light of the World to Joshua

The other morning on our way to Little Rock, Joshua kept saying, "that sun is sooooo bright!" And variations of that statement. Over and over and over.

And, I don't know, maybe I didn't sleep well the night before, or maybe I thought I had time to kill on our drive...but I said, "you know, the sun is ALWAYS bright...that's how God created it. If you were on an airplane, you could fly through the clouds, and the sun would be shining...even if we were having a gloomy day down here on the Earth."

Joshua said, "well, today it's BRIGHT," and he pulled out his sunglasses that he wears OVER his regular glasses.

I said, "the sun is bright every day. It's just that sometimes there are obstacles that keep us from seeing how bright it is, like buildings...trees...clouds...pollution...smoke. But the sun is still up there, bright and hot, just the way God made it."

Joshua: [crickets chirping]

And then he said, "what if the greater light was at night, and the lesser light, the moon, was during the day? That would be ONE MESSED UP CREATION!"

And because one of my sons told me that I could make a Bible lesson out of a sandwich, and because Joshua understands some deep Biblical concepts...and INSTEAD of listening to that little voice in my head that said, "SHUT YOUR MOUTH AND PLEASE STOP TALKING, MARTY," I pressed on saying, "it's like how the Bible tells us that Jesus is the Light of the world...and He is. It's just that sometimes we put other things in front of Him like our pride, or our busy lives, or wanting to do things our own way. But, even if we DO put those things in front of Jesus, it doesn't change the fact that HE is the LIGHT of the world."

And then I stopped, satisfied that I'd made my point.

Joshua just looked at me, shrugged his shoulders, and said, "well...that's ONE WAY of looking at it."

"Again Jesus spoke to them, saying, 'I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will not walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.'" John 8:12

Down Syndrome Awareness: Joshua's Selfless Gift

When you have a child with Down Syndrome, I think it's normal to have some questions. Like, what will they be able to understand...how will they fit into your family...how will it affect the siblings.

Well.

It was the Christmas before Rhodie was born. We hadn't found out yet that he was a boy.

A couple of days before Christmas, Joshua came downstairs and whispered to me, "I have the perfect gift for Holly's baby." Joshua's eyes were lit up and sparkling. He was so excited.

I said, "what's the gift?" He said, "Nathan."

If you knew Joshua during the first 8-10 years of his life, you knew Nathan.

Nathan was Joshua's Cabbage Patch baby doll, and Joshua took him EVERYWHERE. In fact, Joshua "loved" Nathan so much, that his head was nearly severed, hanging on by a thread. I had to rush around and try to find a NEW NATHAN that looked exactly like the OLD NATHAN...and make the ol' switcheroo.

I haven't seen or thought about Nathan in years. Like...in twenty years or so. The first Nathan is in the hope chest...severed head and all...but the 2nd Nathan? I had no clue where he was.

Well, apparently, he was on the top shelf of Joshua's closet. Joshua said he had to "use a golf club to whack him down."

Sweet, right?

I was really taken aback by all of this, because Joshua thought of this all on his own. He was so excited to surprise Holly. I seriously almost lost it when he told me about this (turns out I wouldn't be the only one).

I told Jim and the boys about Joshua's gift, so we all knew it was coming. We saved it for last.

Holly opened the bag. Joshua had written a "poem" to her about the baby. On the outside of the note, he wrote something like, "a great treasure for your baby is inside this bag." 

She opened it up, and pulled out Nathan.

To say she was shocked would be an understatement. She started crying...and then she laughed...and then she cried. SHE KNEW what a special gift this was.

Joshua said, "I don't need him anymore...it's your baby's turn." 

(sniff)

Nathan is a little bunged up, a little dirty...and he may have every disease known to man on him...but we were all so touched by Joshua's selfless gift.

"Three things will last forever—faith, hope, and love—and the greatest of these is love." 1 Corinthians 13:13

Down Syndrome Awareness: The Power of One (Lindsey Walker)

During Joshua's 2nd year of Kindergarten, he met Lindsey Walker. Lindsey's mom was a teacher at their school, and they lived in our neighborhood. I don't know how it happened, or why, but Lindsey Walker latched on to Joshua...and would not let him go. She became his friend, confidant, protector and helper.

Her family also went to our church, so she and Joshua were in Sunday School and children's choir together. He couldn't get away from her if he tried! Lindsey Walker told him what to do and when to do it. She helped him when he needed help...and even sometimes when he didn't!

She fought WITH him...and she fought FOR him. She was a friend to Joshua, and a blessing to this Momma for sure!

Joshua and Lindsey Walker stayed friends all the way through school. I think they were even football managers together in the 7th grade. They graduated together, and Lindsey headed to college...to be a TEACHER.

Joshua's life would've been quite different without Lindsey Walker, I'm certain of it.

If you are a parent, tell this to your kids...if you're a teacher, tell your students...if you're a student, understand this: never underestimate the influence you can have in the life of even ONE other person.

All that Joshua accomplished in school first started with ONE teacher who believed in him...and ONE little girl...who took a chance on an unlikely friendship with ONE little boy...and it made ALL the difference in the world.

"The heartfelt counsel of a friend is as sweet as perfume and incense." Proverbs 27:9

Down Syndrome Awareness: He's a Keeper!

[Down Syndrome Awareness] 

Our Daily Fred: When Joshua was born, I had to have an emergency c-section, and so I was put to sleep. I not only missed Joshua's birth...I missed when the doctor told us that Joshua had Down Syndrome. 

Everything was hazy as I was waking up...I remember hushed voices and people all around. I remember my friend, Carolyn, being there and talking to me. I instinctively knew something wasn't right, and kept fighting to wake up. 

When Jim finally told me about Joshua, I still didn't understand. I've written before about how I knew NOTHING about Down Syndrome. AT ALL. Oh, I studied it in college, so I obviously knew something about it at some point. But I didn't retain that information. I mean, why would I? 

It wasn't going to apply to me. 

Regardless, I didn't care what they said. I thought he was wonderful, and I was just so thrilled to be a mom. 

Jim had the task of calling everyone to tell them we'd had the baby...and that he had Down Syndrome. I sat in the bed and cried. It was hard listening to Jim make the calls, and answer all the questions. 

When they finally brought Joshua to me, I just stared at him. What did the doctors see? I thought he was the most beautiful baby I'd ever seen. 

I heard Jim on the phone with our friends, Billy and Sherri. Jim was saying, "don't come...we're fine." It seemed like just a few minutes had passed when they walked through my hospital-room door. 

Because OF COURSE they came. 

That's what friends do. They show up. 

Even when it's hard. 

I remember Billy asking Jim, "do you think Joshua will be able to hold a fishing pole?" Jim said, "yes, I think he will." Billy said, "well, then...he's a keeper!" 

OH YES HE IS! 

"You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body and knit me together in my mother's womb. Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex! Your workmanship is marvelous-how well I know it. You watched me as I was being formed in utter seclusion, as I was woven together in the dark of the womb." (Psalm 139: 13-15)

Down Syndrome Awareness: Maybe the Detour is the Road

[Down Syndrome Awareness] Our Daily Fred: Have you ever thought about the things God brings or allows in your life? 

We spend a lot of time counting our blessings this time of year, and that's a good thing. It's good to be thankful. I think the problem comes when we equate "blessings" with only the GOOD things. 

We are "blessed" to have a car, but if it breaks down...are we still blessed? 

We are "blessed" to have a great job, but if it moves us away from our family and friends, is it still a blessing? 

Our beautiful and healthy children...they are blessings, aren't they? 

But what about the ones born with health issues or challenges...or the ones who develop them later? Or the ones chosen from the foster care system, who are so deeply wounded by abandonment or abuse...their new parents wonder if there will ever be enough love to erase their pain? What about the ones, wanted and loved from birth, who chose a different path, and walked away...from family, friends...from God? 

Were they not considered blessings at one time? 

When I was pregnant with Joshua, back in the olden days, Pa and I drove the covered wagon into town one night for one of them new-fangled parentin' classes. 

Apparently givin' birth out in the fields ain't no good no more. 

One of the first things our instructor did was to have us fill out a questionnaire. The very first question was, "I hope my baby is _____." 

I put "cute." Because DUH. 

Twenty-three other people in our class put "normal." 

Well, I think I got exactly what I wanted: the cutest baby EVER. And yes, the road has sometimes been hard...but hasn't yours? 

We've probably all heard the song, "Blessings," by Laura Story. It talks about hard things that are "blessings in disguise." I've shared this story many times, because, the first time I heard it, I thought, "YES! That's exactly how I feel!" 

You may know that Laura Story's husband was diagnosed with a brain tumor. She said that her whole life, she sang the song, "Tis So Sweet to Trust in Jesus." But she said that until Jesus took her through something where her only option was to trust Him, she didn't really know that sweetness. 

I love that. 

I also read that, when Laura and her family were talking about this "detour" God had placed in front of them...with her husband's surgery and radiation and therapies, her sister said, "you know, I think the detour is actually the road." 

I love that, too. Because how many times do we try to hurry up and deal with any problems or road-blocks, so that we can get back onto what WE think is our road? 

But what if you can't get back on the road? 

Maybe the detour IS the road. 

I'm thankful for this winding, twisting, bumpy-at-times detour our lives took back in 1986. There's so much we would've missed, if we had stayed on the smooth, straight road. And the views from here are awesome. 

"And your ears shall hear a word behind you, saying, “This is the way, walk in it,” when you turn to the right or when you turn to the left." Isaiah 30:21

Down Syndrome Awareness: The Sticky Notes

Joshua was kind of a little stinker during his elementary school years. He was just trying to learn the "rooahs" (rules).

I think it's Dr. Phil who says that every kid has their own "currency..." that one thing that really matters to them and motivates them to do/not do something...or to work harder; that one thing they would not want taken away.

Joshua's currency was recess.

If he did well in his "regular" class in the morning, then he would get an afternoon recess in his "Special Fred" class. And if he didn't behave well in his regular class, he had to stay inside with the special-ed teacher and do class work.

Which, I totally see the reason and point to this, but you just try containing him all morning...and then keeping him inside all afternoon.

Pick your poison, people...you're only hurting yourselves!

I'M KIDDING!

So, the idea was that his "regular" teacher would use a sticky-note to write whether or not Joshua behaved well enough to get an afternoon recess, and then Joshua was supposed to take this note to his Special Fred teacher.

Now, Joshua might "just have a touch" of Down Syndrome, but mama didn't raise no fool.

He figured out pretty quickly that 8.5 times out of 10...what was on that note meant he wasn't getting an afternoon recess. So, Joshua took matters into his own hands. On the way to his Special Fred class, he would just stick the notes on the walls, metal poles, trash cans, windows, etc. And I guess they'd just assume that no note meant "good day..." and they would let him go out and play.

This system worked out GREAT for Joshua until one day, his "regular" teacher saw him outside, having a big, ol' time on the playground...when clearly he wasn't supposed to be there. I mean, she had written a note and everything! She took off to have a word with his Special Ed teacher...and, on her way, she found all of the notes! 

Oopsie!

BUSTED!

We are so thankful for everyone who kept a close eye on Joshua when he was in school, and for everyone who had his best interests at heart.

He's a pretty cool young man, so y'all did a pretty cool job. :)

"Obey your leaders and submit to them, for they keep watch over your souls and will give an account for their work..." Hebrews 13:17

[Repost] Down Syndrome Awareness: Building Bridges

One Sunday, way back in 2013, our former pastor preached on "Making New Friends..." building bridges between us and people we would normally avoid for one reason or another. He used the story of the Woman at the Well" (John 4:1-42) as an example.

He talked about reaching across racial lines and economic barriers, overcoming fears and stereotypes, being open to learning about other cultures...and reaching out to people who are different from us socially...people who are considered social outcasts.

He encouraged us to look at others through the eyes of Jesus.

His points were that, when the disciples saw a woman...Jesus saw a PERSON; when the disciples saw a Samaritan...Jesus saw a FRIEND; and when the disciples saw an outcast...Jesus saw an EVANGELIST.

Bro. Mark talked to us about the people we tend to avoid...because they are different.

WELL.

I spent the first part of the sermon climbing up on my high mountain. ALLLLLL up on it.

Because being a mom of a son with special needs sometimes clouds influences my judgment...and so I was thinking, "all of YOU PEOPLE need to LISTEN UP."

I'm with the different and the overlooked every day. I've seen the pointing and staring. I've had people ask me questions that should be addressed to Joshua, like, "would he like a cookie?"

Or, "does he need a children's menu?" (ummmm...he's 29 years old)

BUILD SOME DANG BRIDGES, PEOPLE. Sheesh.

But God...was so kind to help me down from my high place, and hold me tight. He reminded me that He loves Joshua more than I ever can. And that I'm no better...no better than the woman at the well; no better than the ones who judge, stare, ignore and avoid people who are different.

Because what I want for my child, and his friends..what I expect...I often fail to give to others. And I'm ashamed to admit it, because I know how it feels.

And I know better.

He also showed me that the annoying questions, and the odd things people have said to me, CAN...depending on how I react...sometimes be the beginning of building a "bridge" between people who see each other as different.

We're all different...right?

I'm so thankful that, once upon a time, as a young girl...Jesus met me where I was, and drew me to Him. And loved me. And all those times as a teenager, and then as a young wife and mom...and, even now, TODAY, when I mess up...Jesus comes to me where I am...and He draws me back to Himself. And He loves me.

How can I do any less for someone else?

"In as much as you have done it unto the least of these brothers and sisters of Mine, you have done it unto Me." (Matthew 25:40)

Repost: When "Church-People" Hurt You

[Down Syndrome Awareness Month] Our Daily Fred: A couple of years ago, our small group (Sunday School) lesson was from the book of James...on the power of the tongue. Our leader asked, "what are some words we should never say?" Someone piped up first thing, and mentioned a certain racial slur. They didn't say the word...we all knew. And we all agreed we should NEVER use ANY racial slurs. Our teacher asked, "what else?" One class member spoke up and said, "well, I'll tell you one we can't use, and it just burns me up..." and then she said it...the word. I'm not gonna write it out. I can't. I won't. It's an intellectual slur #directedatpeoplelikemyson. We call it the "R" word. She said, "I am so sick of the PC (politically correct) police telling us what we can and cannot say. I believe in calling a spade...a spade." Oh no, she di'int. Oh yes...she did! I felt ALLTHEEYES on us. And, here's the thing: we had been in the class for probably 2 years at this time. They knew us...they knew the make-up of our family. She went on, "it's a 'medical term,' ya know. We tell our kids not to say it, and, when they do...they get in trouble in class. Teachers can get in BIG trouble if they say it. People can lose their friends, jobs and reputations for saying this word...and IT'S JUST RIDICULOUS." My heart was about to beat out of my chest. I knew my face was red. She continued..."the reason this word is upsetting to some people, is that we've given it too much power. By making it taboo, we've created this big 'thing' about it, so that now kids want to say it...just like they want to say all the cuss words."WHAT? She said that people have t-shirts saying we should get rid of this word (I have one)...and stickers and rubber bracelets saying we should get rid of this word (yep...have those, too). She said it made her "thankful" when she heard kids call each other this word...because it "lessens the power of it." Ummm...no it doesn't. I thought I was going to jump out of my skin. Everyone was nervously looking around at each other, and at us. I think I asked Jim if I could respond, but I didn't wait for his answer. When you have #asonlikemine and he comes home from school saying that someone called him that word, and told him that #hehadamessedupbrain...well. don't even talk to me about the power of a word, unless you've experienced something like that with one of your own kids. Experiences like that either cloud my judgment...or enhance it. TAKE YOUR PICK. I would like to say that others in our class spoke up in defense of the defenseless...except no one did. I feel like there was a way that others could have spoken up that day, and it wouldn't have been judgmental for the lady...and it would've been encouraging to us. I don't know...I just pray that God would give me boldness to speak life, if I'm ever in a similar situation. Because there are millions of words in the English language. Why would we choose to use hurtful and divisive words when we can choose words that can encourage and heal? But, no one spoke up. It was more than a little disheartening. BUT, it was a lesson TO ME that sometimes we will stand alone, and that's okay. And that there are times when we should speak up ("speak up for those who have no voice..." Proverbs 31:8), and times when we should hold our tongues. So, I told the lady, "I completely disagree with everything you just said." I stated my thoughts in a calm and restrained way, even tho I was about to have a nervous breakdown. It was one of the hardest things I've ever done...because MARTY DOES NOT LIKE CONFRONTATION. Jim and I walked out of that class feeling even more burdened. I begged Jim to let us leave that class and go to a different one. He said, "no." And every day leading up to the next Sunday, I would ask again, "pleeeeeease?" And, like Tom Cruise in "Top Gun," he'd emphatically say, "I'm.not.leaving.my.wing-man." Actually, he'd say, "we are NOT LEAVING THIS CLASS." Week after week after week. In the end, it was all...okay. The lady came to our house, and apologized if she hurt our feelings. I will never agree with her point of view. Like, ever. She will likely never agree with mine. But I forgave her, and neither one of us harbored ill-will toward each other. Seven months later, Jim and I had to switch to a different class because of a scheduling issue with Joshua. But it was on God's timing...not ours. PLEASE HEAR ME ON THIS: it's not my intention to bash any person or any church. We still attend this church. I love my church. I think Christians should be in church. BUT, just because we're in church doesn't mean we are perfect. In fact, far from it. Church is a place where we go to worship God with others. It's where we go when we realize we can't do life on our own...that we need the support of community. It's where we go to learn more about Jesus...and to develop our relationship with Him; where we go to prepare ourselves for the trials that come our way...and to learn ways to share our faith. I just wanted to show how one negative comment can overshadow 10 positive ones. And to show that, even in the one place we hope to find grace and support, we sometimes don't. Christians aren't happy all the time, and churches are full of hurting people. Many times, we don't know the burdens they carry, or the ones placed on them by others. Our church is full of many wonderful people, and yet the negative words of one person stay with me...and remind me that we are gonna fail each other. We are. But God never fails. "Everything He does reveals His glory and majesty. His righteousness never fails." Psalm 111: 3

Repost: Joshua and the Treat Bags

Years ago, after we got home from Clark's very first 9th grade football game, he casually mentioned that he didn't get a "treat bag" that day. I had just spent 3 years helping with the Mom Squad for the Varsity boys, and we made sure every player, manager and coach got a treat bag for every game. 

The kids at the elementary schools would decorate the bags, and then we would fill the bags with peanut butter crackers, granola bars, cookies, candy, roll-ups, etc...things they could have for a quick snack after the game. 

Clark said there were a few others who didn't get a bag that day, but that didn't make it okay with me. He said, "Mom, CHILL...don't make a thing about it." 

Like I would. 

Enter: Joshua. 

He had overheard the conversation, and quietly slipped upstairs. Later, he came down with a big grin on his face. He was holding a white lunch bag that he had decorated for Clark. He whispered, "for his next game." Because, y'all...his brother was NOT going without a treat bag. No, ma'am. 

Not on his watch. 

So, for the rest of the season, Joshua would get a lunch bag out of our pantry, and he would go up to his room to decorate it. He started out writing things like, "we love you," or "go for a win." But, as time went on, he got more creative. He'd use quotes from football movies, like, "you blitz all night," "make sure they remember the night they played the Hornets," and "Stonewall defense" (whatever that is). 

There was also our personal favorite, "spank them like a 4 year old at K-Mart."

WHAAAAT? 

Later, he'd bring the bag downstairs, I'd fill it with goodies...and we'd "hide" it in Clark's football bag. Every.single.week. Clark always knew it was in there. 

I love that Joshua loves his brother...both of his brothers, and his sister. He's their biggest fan. 

You know, people throw words around like "burden" and "quality of life" and they have NO IDEA about our lives...of the JOY this brown-eyed man-child has brought to our family...and how much our lives have been BLESSED (yep, I said it) by Down Syndrome, and the community of FRIENDS who support and encourage us on this walk. 

I think that we, our family, have always thought that WE were the ones encouraging Joshua through life...but then he shows up, and encourages us right back. 

You know, we all want a cheerleader in our lives. Someone who will tell us to keep going...who will pray for us, who will hold us up when we think we can't go on...who says, "hang in there...you can do it...I'm here for you." 

Who cheers for you? Who do YOU cheer for? 

I love the "faith" chapter of Hebrews. In Chapter 11, the author lists some men and women of the Bible, who lived out their faith during trying times in their lives. Abel, Enoch, Noah, Abraham...Isaac, Jacob, Moses...Joshua, Rahab, Gideon, David...and more. If you're a Christian, this is your heritage of faith, too! 

I can just picture them standing in Heaven, along with Jesus, God, the angels...and our family and friends who have gone before us...cheering us on. Isn't that awesome? It's like our very own treat bag from God! 

And guess what? 

No one is overlooked! 

"Therefore encourage one another and build up one another." 1 Thessalonians 5:11

Down Syndrome Awareness: A Post by Holly About Her Brother

Instead of writing an Our Daily Fred post for Down Syndrome Awareness today, I'm sharing the post Holly wrote about her big brother, Joshua. It's so good! I could not be more proud of these two (and the other two knuckleheads we have). God is good. I am thankful.

Sometimes I forget...

Sometimes I forget that not everyone has grown up with or known someone in their life with Down Syndrome. 

I forget that there are people that aren’t as fortunate as I am. 

My whole life I’ve had a brother with DS. I’ve known nothing different. 

I forget that people see him (and people like him) out and about, and they feel sad, scared, or uncomfortable. 

All my life, I’ve seen people point and stare and whisper. Sometimes it still catches me off guard, because I forget. (I also forget that people still think the “r” word is still acceptable in 2017, but that’s a different rant for a different day.) 

I don’t see Joshua AS Down Syndrome. Yes, he HAS Down Syndrome, yes he has certain attributes that are unique and adorable. He looks a little different from me and my other brothers. He’s “travel-sized” (as we say) and he wears glasses. He has brown hair like my mom. So when I’m out with him and I catch people looking at us, I try to smile at them. I forget that people don’t know how normal-ish our family is (because is anyone’s family really NORMAL?) 

I forget. And for that, I am thankful.

October is Down Syndrome awareness month, and I sometimes forget that people still aren’t as “aware” as my family. I have people come up to me all the time about how they love my mom’s posts about Joshua. I’m glad that through my family, and my mom’s gift for writing, that you guys can get a small glimpse into the blessing that is Our Daily Fred.

(now let's just hope that last part doesn't go straight to his head!)

"Now as Jesus was passing by, he saw a man who had been blind from birth. His disciples asked him, “Rabbi, who committed the sin that caused him to be born blind, this man or his parents?” Jesus answered, “Neither this man nor his parents sinned, but he was born blind so that the acts of God may be revealed through what happens to him.

Down Syndrome Awareness: Blemished and Imperfect

[repost for Down Syndrome Awareness Month] 

Our Daily Fred: Our family likes to go to the beach over Spring Break if we can. Rain or shine, it's a nice way to relax and unwind with the family. 

The weather in March is unpredictable. Some days are really warm, some are cool. On one of our cool days, we decided to go on a family walk. Joshua was not a fan. 

In this case, I didn't really blame him. For one thing, it was sprinkling...and I know we were at the ocean, so a little rain on our heads shouldn't matter...but ain't nobody got time for THAT. For another thing, Jim and the boys were acting like we were filming a segment for the Amazing Race. 

Seriously. 

WHERE'S THE FIRE? 

It's hard for some of us to walk on the sand. 

Holly and I decided to hang back with Joshua, and look for shells. He is not really a huge fan of that, either...but the walking and the looking and the choosing and the PICKING IT UP FROM THE SAND? All really good for Joshua. 

I held the baggie as we walked. If I saw a pretty shell, I'd pick it up and put it in the bag. 

It didn't take long to see a BIG difference in the way Joshua and I chose our shells. I was looking for the perfect shells. You know, the ones that weren't chipped, that didn't have one of those fossil-looking lines on it...the ones that had a pretty color. 

But Joshua? I would see him, bent over a bed of shells. He would look and look, and then pick up one to put in the bag. Every shell he chose was broken, chipped...worthless, really. TO ME. 

Joshua would pick up little pieces, and not care if they were whole or unblemished. In his eyes, each piece had value. 

This had such an impact on me, because this is the very thing I preach: awareness and acceptance; how people are more than a diagnosis...and more than how they look on the outside. 

I don't know if it's human nature to choose the perfect and beautiful, but this day was a huge reminder of how there is beauty in the broken...in the imperfect...in the missing pieces. 

And I, of all people, should know that...God has been making beauty out of my broken...for my whole life. 

"The LORD has made all things for Himself..." Proverbs 16:4 

Down Syndrome Awareness: Physically and Spiritually Fit

[Down Syndrome Awareness month] 

Our Daily Fred: Most Sunday afternoons, and other afternoons during the week, you'll find Joshua headed to the gym with his Dad. 

Joshua is committed to physical fitness, as well as to an all-around healthy lifestyle. 

The fitness part started when he was 16 years old...when one of his teachers introduced him to the sport of Powerlifting. This teacher encouraged Jim to take Joshua to the Special Olympics Sports camp, where Jim became certified as a Powerlifting coach for Special Olympics. This led to Joshua switching from competing in track and field events, like the 50 meter dash at Special O...to competing in Powerlifting events. 

And it has been the best thing. 

Joshua has developed a love for fitness. He gets up early most mornings, to work-out in his room before he starts his day. His commitment to physical fitness has made it possible for him to achieve many of his goals, including participating in Special O on the state and local level, as well as representing the state of Arkansas at the national games in 2006. 

Also important to Joshua is his commitment to be spiritually fit. He has his quiet time every morning. He reads his Bible, works in his journal, and reads from a devo book. He spends time in prayer. This commitment keeps Joshua in-tune with what God is teaching him. It gives him inner strength on hard days, and peace on the days when life doesn't make sense. He understands what it means to be thankful...what it means to have empathy for others. He believes in the power of prayer, because he's seen it in his own life. 

Joshua is also committed to healthy eating. This was hard for him, when he was younger, because: Hostess ding-dongs and snack cakes. 

Can I get an "Amen?" 

But Joshua wants to be like his Dad, so when Jim made a conscious choice to eat healthier...Joshua did, too. This commitment has kept Joshua lean and healthy. 

These are all things that we encouraged early-on, but never forced on him. It's been great to see him take some responsibility for his health and fitness, and make wise choices on his own. 

"...fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you..." Isaiah 41:10

Down Syndrome Awareness: Sometimes He's a Stinker

[Down Syndrome Awareness month] 

Our Daily Fred: Some of the most common things that are said to the parents of kids who have Down Syndrome, or maybe it's just some of the most common things said to US were: "Oh, THEY are just soooo sweet." 

Or, "Oh, THEY are so loving all the time!" 

Or, "Oh, THEY love music."

And I feel like this is the 2 truths and a lie game, except I'm not sure which one would be the lie. 

It would depend on the day, amiright? 

Because "they" ARE sweet, and "they" ARE loving...but not all the time. 

I mean, I'm not...are YOU? 

And in case you had any doubts, we went t the hardware store this morning...to pick up some disaster-relief supplies for hurricane victims. Ya know, just tryna be the hands and feet of Jesus.

But one of us was.not.havin.it. 

Oh, he loves Jesus, but my routine-loving, schedule-driven son was not informed in advance of our impromptu outing. He had his lip stuck WAYYYY out. I can usually get him into a good mood, but not this morning.

Also? He was wearing a shirt from our church that said, BE THE CHURCH across the front.

Ruh-roh.

I'm guessing he's willing to "be the church," as long as it's not early on a Saturday morning.

As far as loving music goes, that's usually true of him...and all of his friends. Except with country music. Joshua likes it, but he doesn't want to admit it...he says he's a "city boy."

"Each one must give as he has decided in his heart, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver." 2 Corinthians 9:7

Down Syndrome Awareness: Joshua's Bond With Rhodie

Our Daily Fred: 

In the days, weeks, and months leading up to Rhodie's birth, being an uncle was all Joshua talked about. He was SERIOUS about what he called his "uncle duties." He was very focused on what he would DO...like, getting toys for Rhodes, or entertaining him when he was fussy. 

Not much attention was paid to how he would FEEL about the baby, because, honestly...we just didn't know. 

We knew he would love Rhodie...that's what uncles do, right? But I don't think any of us were prepared for the bond these two share. 

And it's not one-sided at all. 

Joshua can't wait to see Rhodes each day. He holds him, reads to him, plays toys with him, helps feed him. He's even changed TWO diapers! 

And Rhodie? He loves his Uncle Fred. He asks for him the minute he comes over to our house...or the minute he wakes up from his nap. 

He calls him, "Ed." 

He will stand at the bottom of the stairs, and call up to Joshua, "Edddddddd?" 

It's pretty much the cutest thing ever. 

And when Joshua sticks his head out of his room, and looks downstairs, Rhodie's face just lights up. It melts our hearts. 

We are so thankful for this sweet, sweet blessing from God...and we are thankful to live close enough so that this bond is possible. 

"...perfect love casts out fear..." (1 John 4:18) 

Down Syndrome: In Joshua's Words

Our Daily Fred: 

I was honored to speak about Joshua, and Down Syndrome, to a class at Pulaski Technical College today. 

I could talk about Joshua all day, but this month is the perfect time...because it's Down Syndrome Awareness month! 

Before I dropped Joshua off at Therapeutic Recreation this morning, I asked him what he wanted me to say about Down Syndrome, and the people who have it. I wish you could've heard all of our conversation. 

Really. 

Because it was profound and heartbreaking and insightful and funny. 

Unfortunately, tho, my phone popped up with "STORAGE FULL," and I seriously wanted to throw it in the lake. Ugh. WHYYYY? 

But here are 3 things he wants everyone to know. i

First, he said you need a lot of patience...the person who has Down Syndrome, as well as the teachers, professionals, parents, friends, neighbors who interact with them. Because, he said, it takes longer for them to learn to read and write and "look things up." 

Secondly, he said it was important to have a network of friends: people who have kids with Down Syndrome, and people who don't. He gave a shout-out to the friends we've had in all the places we've lived. The ones who have supported and encouraged our family through the years. Tonight, we sat around a dinner table, with some of the people who have loved and supported our family from the beginning, back when Joshua was born...and my heart was full, as I thought of the twists and turns we've been through as a group...and how, even now, we still gain great strength from these relationships, as we continue to offer prayer and support for the ones who need them the most. 

And, third, he wanted me to share with others how important it is to have FAITH. He wants you to know that he gave his heart to Jesus when he was younger, and that HE gives him strength in the hard times. Because life is hard, but God is good. 

Before my phone shut down, I asked him what the hardest thing was about Down Syndrome, and he said being bullied and teased when he was younger. 

And then I asked him what was the BEST thing about having Down Syndrome. I wasn't prepared for his answer. 

Yep...gotta love that extra chromosome. 

"I praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made..." Psalm 139: 14