I thought I'd better write about what has gone on with Joshua the last couples of days...so that the one or two people who read this blog don't think it's all fun and games all the time around here. It's real life, people. Joshua has the same moods that we all have. What he may lack is the communication skills to tell us what is wrong or how he's feeling. I'm thinking even HE doesn't really know, at times.
(Of course, I have 3 other children who have great communication skills, but don't always choose to use them when it comes to me...and I guess I do the same. We all pick and choose the ones we share our deepest, truest emotions with)
(with?)
(Okay, now I'm thinking of that "Raymond" episode when Ray is giving a speech to the school board and he tries not to end a sentence with a preposition)
Anyway, notthepoint...
We have loved having Logan home this summer. And we love having Holly and Aaron here when they come home...but any variance in the dynamics of our home affects Joshua in one way or another. I know it...I think we all know it. (I believe I've mentioned a time or three that Joshua is a fan of routine. HIS routine)
Logan has been home since the first part of May. His job didn't start until June 11, so that has given him plenty of time to rest or see his friends or hang out here at home with the boys. I guess Joshua had gotten used to him being here. So, Monday came and Logan went to work, and we went to Conway to pick up Clark. Logan came home that evening...and all was well.
Tuesday...same thing. Logan left, we went to go get Clark and we came home. Logan came in after work and saw Joshua sitting outside.
They kind of have a "thing" where anytime Logan goes out there and sits beside him...they will have a heart-to-heart talk. Meaning Joshua talks, and Logan listens. This day, Logan went out there, ready to sit down and visit...and Joshua GLARED at him, mumbled under his breath, got up and came inside.
Wha-what?
Logan tried to ask him what was wrong, and Joshua said he didn't want to talk about it. None of us had a clue what happened. It was obvious that Joshua was mad, and it was obvious that he was mad at Logan.
We didn't know if it was abandonment issues, upset that Logan has left (him) and gone to work...or if he was jealous b/c HE was not the one going to work...or WHAT. He was sitting outside with Clark when Logan first came out there, and so maybe he thought Logan was intruding on his "bruh (brother) time" with Clark.
We'll probably never know.
All I DO know is that a lot of things that happen with Joshua..his actions and his reactions...are not logical. To most people. And so trying to solve the problem, or talk to him...using logic...ain't gonna work.
Example: Jim takes Joshua to the gym probably 3 or 4 times a week. Joshua runs on the treadmill, uses the elliptical or the bike...and then uses the weight machines. He also uses some free weights and does bench press and dead lift with Jim as his spotter. He's done this every week in the 5 years that we've lived here. This week, Jim said he noticed some people around him looking down in Joshua's general direction. Jim looked and Joshua had gotten off the treadmill, taken off his shoes and socks, and was running on the treadmill with his bare feet. BARE FEET. In 5 years, that has never happened. EVER. Jim walked over and told Joshua that being barefoot on the treadmill wasn't allowed, and Joshua goes, "okay," and puts his socks and shoes back on. Later, when Jim asked Joshua why he did that, Joshua said, "I just wanted to see what it felt like."
Logical? Not so much.
And today, Joshua said something about "Dad's not too thrilled with me at the gym right now," and something about "running 80 miles an hour" and "trying to walk backwards." I have NO idea what that's about.
I tried talking to Joshua about the Logan thing, and he started bringing up everything and their Mommas...stuff from the past, stuff he makes up, etc. He brings people into the conversation that have NO BEARING WHATSOEVER on the issue. It's really hard to keep him focused. I'm usually pretty good about getting to the root of things...I have to go thru the backdoor and weave my way around all the added "stuff" he's talking about...to try and get to the bottom of it.
This issue is not a huge deal in the big scheme of life. Logan is older and understands more than he did when he was younger. He tried not to take it personally, but, not gonna lie...it IS unsettling for Joshua to be so upset, and not be able to put a finger on why. Perhaps the uncertain nature of our lives right now...with the move and so many things changing...is keeping him more agitated than any of us realize.
It's not for the faint-hearted...parenting, that is. It's tough, in many different ways. In this case, with Joshua, there are things that we may never know, or understand, or figure out...this side of Heaven...but we just do our best with God's help to try and work through them. It takes lots of prayer...because there are situations, like this one, that may require some sort of discipline. Joshua is a man, a 26 year old man...in a man's body...with a child-like mind. What am I gonna do? Spank him? Put him in time-out? It's tough...and when you are the parent of a child with special-needs, you will be met with a ton of resistance from well-meaning family and friends when it comes to disciplining your child. "Aww...he doesn't know what he's doing..." or "he didn't mean it" are two that I have gotten a LOT.
So, yeah.
In this case, I took away his phone and ipod. As Dr. Phil says, that's his "currency." It's what he loves, and what he likes to do. Unfortunately, it's also his connection to the world...to all family and friends. Now, he got them both back last night, after he made things right with Logan, but don't kid yourself...it's all gonna HIT THE FAN when he tells his grandparents that his Mom took his phone away...just sayin'...
It won't be the first time...
In the end, Joshua's conscience got the better of him...like I knew that it would. It typically takes him a day or two to come out of it, once he gets in a funk. After Logan got home from work, Joshua asked him to come talk in his bedroom. They were in there for a long time. Logan said Joshua apologized, and...of course, he forgave him. Then he asked Joshua, "why were you mad at me?" Joshua never could really say. I don't think he knows...but the words he left Logan with were precious and deep...
"You're more than my brother, Logan...you're my best friend."
"Behold, how good and how pleasant it is for brothers to dwell together in unity!" Psalms 133:1
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