First of all, I want to thank everyone for the support and encouragement you've shown us this month. Some posts were very hard to write, but y'all were so kind.
I feel like whatever we do: write, preach, teach, sing, minister, work, parent, volunteer, love...we need to remember that while it might affect others, our goal is to please an audience of ONE. I pray God was glorified, because what I need more than anything in this world...is more of Him, and less of me.
I'm a pretty private person, so sharing such intimate parts of our lives on social media has been uncomfortable at times, but y'all kept me going. And now, on this last day of the month...Mommy needs a Diet Coke, and some Hot Tamales. Ha.
This whole month has been about Down Syndrome awareness...which will hopefully lead to acceptance for individuals who have Down Syndrome, and for the ones who love them.
I don't know what our lives would look like without Down Syndrome. I can't even imagine. I don't want to imagine.
For us...for our family...it's brown, almond-shaped eyes and a big grin. It's hair that he flattens down every day but Thursday (he "spikes" it on Thursdays). It's singing #onthesamenote in every song. It's hearing "you're pretty," and "you're a good cook," and "my dad is a furious protector..." pretty much every day.
It's help setting the table and unloading the dishwasher and straightening up around the house. It's him taking my hand, and saying, "let's pray" when he hears of a need. It's sheer determination, day after day, that makes his hand hold a pencil, so he can write letters on a page. It's overcoming a hearing deficit by using intense concentration. It's walking past his room to see him on the floor...in prayer.
It's strength beyond his physical appearance that enables him to lift a bar and metal discs nearly twice his body weight. It's the way small feet wearing Crocs sound walking across the floor, or going up the stairs. It's the matter-of-fact way he accepts the truths of God in childlike faith.
I don't pretend to understand the mind of God. All of these kids...these adults...God created them. And "God don't make no junk." He created them just the way they are...or He has allowed their circumstances...for His purpose, and for His glory, and for our good.
I don't always see it...because with some people? Their lives are HARD and their challenges are great. But sometimes, God peels back a layer and allows me to see a glimpse of His purpose in all of this.
For sure God has enlarged our territory.
On March 28, 1986, our lives changed in an instant...and the focus of our family, and our ministry as a family, was made clear. Joshua has opened many doors for us to tell our story...which, really, is not our story at all...but the story God is writing in our lives.
For sure God has enlarged our hearts. He has shown us more grace than we could have ever imagined. He's given us way more than we deserve.
"Oh to grace how great a debtor, daily I'm constrained to be..."
The goodness that has come into our lives because of God...because of Joshua, and the world his life has opened up to us...has enhanced and enriched our lives beyond anything I could have ever dreamed.
"Let Thy goodness, like a fetter, bind my wandering heart to Thee."
Fetter: "a chain used to restrain a prisoner."
YES, Lord. Shackle our hearts to Yours.
For sure God has opened our eyes. I wonder...if our hearts would've wandered if God hadn't given us Joshua. If pride and the pleasures of this world would've overtaken our lives, and pulled us away from what is truly important. Because, our hearts are weak, y'all.
"Prone to wander, Lord I feel it. Prone to leave the God I love..."
For sure God has stayed close...and kept us close to Him.
In God's goodness, He chose Joshua for our family. Or our family for Joshua. And His goodness binds our wandering hearts to Him.
"Here's my heart, Lord, take and seal it, seal it for Thy courts above."
Joshua Garland, I choose you. Every.single.day.
“Before I formed you in your mother’s womb I chose you. Before you were born I set you apart. I appointed you to speak to the nations for Me.” Jeremiah 1:5
...finding joy in the UPside of DOWN...
Tuesday, October 31, 2017
Monday, October 30, 2017
[Down Syndrome Awareness Repost]: "High-Functioning" and Other Words That Make Me Cringe
There's this "thing" going on in the world of special needs. It's more of an undercurrent at this point...a "one-upmanship" thing, and I'm not happy about it at all.
Because not only do some of the FRIENDS feel like they don't measure up in the world of their parents and siblings...they now feel like they don't measure up in their own world.
And we, as parents, start to feel like something is bad wrong with us, if our child is not somehow exceeding all expectations or preconceived ideas.
We are putting our Special Olympians, ambassadors, students, employees, and spokespersons...up against each other. We accept those WE THINK will fit in better in society, and we call them "high-functioning."
ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
We stopped for lunch at Braum's in Alma, Arkansas, one day in June. We had just picked up Joshua from Camp Barnabas. I noticed a man staring at us (we get that a lot...ha!). As we stood up to leave, he came over and struck up a conversation with Joshua. He told us that he had a daughter who had Down Syndrome and Autism. Jim said, "oh, really? What does she DO?" Meaning...school, work, any type of volunteer post, or some kind of adult program.
The man replied, "nothing...she does nothing." And he kind of shrugged his shoulders.
Jim and I said, "ohhhh..." and let our voices trail off. We both thought to ourselves, "well, how SAD," but here's the thing...that should be okay.
Because, we don't know them. We don't know their daughter's abilities, challenges, or fears. We don't know their struggles, or anything about the roads they have traveled. And it's not for us to judge anyone else, or tell them what has worked for us...what they SHOULD or SHOULD NOT be doing...what so-and-so is doing. We aren't the boss of them. As long as they are doing what is best for THEIR child and THEIR family, who are we to say anything? And, unless they ask us for suggestions or opinions, it's none of our business.
*I'm saying that regular people shouldn't do this. OF COURSE, people who are professionals, who work with your child or at your child's school...they probably should be giving you suggestions.
Because for every individual with Down Syndrome who owns a restaurant, writes books, paints pictures, wins medals, makes speeches, attends college, meets presidents, and travels the world (and there's NOTHING WRONG with any of that)...there are a thousand other, seemingly insignificant and unremarkable individuals, who are quietly living their lives at home...or IN a home; who need some help...or a lot of help; who love their family, and enjoy their friends. They may not hear or see well...or at all. They may not speak well...or at all. They may not be able to walk well...or at all. They may be confined to a wheelchair, or to a bed. They may struggle with health issues, shyness, selective mutism. They may live with severe anxiety.
Their lives are no more important or valuable than the "stars" that shine in our Down Syndrome community.
All lives matter. ALL of them. All of us.
This month is about awareness...and, I hope, acceptance.
"...not a single sparrow can fall to the ground without your Father knowing it...so don't be afraid; you are more valuable to God than a whole flock of sparrows." Matthew 10:29, 31
Because not only do some of the FRIENDS feel like they don't measure up in the world of their parents and siblings...they now feel like they don't measure up in their own world.
And we, as parents, start to feel like something is bad wrong with us, if our child is not somehow exceeding all expectations or preconceived ideas.
We are putting our Special Olympians, ambassadors, students, employees, and spokespersons...up against each other. We accept those WE THINK will fit in better in society, and we call them "high-functioning."
ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
We stopped for lunch at Braum's in Alma, Arkansas, one day in June. We had just picked up Joshua from Camp Barnabas. I noticed a man staring at us (we get that a lot...ha!). As we stood up to leave, he came over and struck up a conversation with Joshua. He told us that he had a daughter who had Down Syndrome and Autism. Jim said, "oh, really? What does she DO?" Meaning...school, work, any type of volunteer post, or some kind of adult program.
The man replied, "nothing...she does nothing." And he kind of shrugged his shoulders.
Jim and I said, "ohhhh..." and let our voices trail off. We both thought to ourselves, "well, how SAD," but here's the thing...that should be okay.
Because, we don't know them. We don't know their daughter's abilities, challenges, or fears. We don't know their struggles, or anything about the roads they have traveled. And it's not for us to judge anyone else, or tell them what has worked for us...what they SHOULD or SHOULD NOT be doing...what so-and-so is doing. We aren't the boss of them. As long as they are doing what is best for THEIR child and THEIR family, who are we to say anything? And, unless they ask us for suggestions or opinions, it's none of our business.
*I'm saying that regular people shouldn't do this. OF COURSE, people who are professionals, who work with your child or at your child's school...they probably should be giving you suggestions.
Because for every individual with Down Syndrome who owns a restaurant, writes books, paints pictures, wins medals, makes speeches, attends college, meets presidents, and travels the world (and there's NOTHING WRONG with any of that)...there are a thousand other, seemingly insignificant and unremarkable individuals, who are quietly living their lives at home...or IN a home; who need some help...or a lot of help; who love their family, and enjoy their friends. They may not hear or see well...or at all. They may not speak well...or at all. They may not be able to walk well...or at all. They may be confined to a wheelchair, or to a bed. They may struggle with health issues, shyness, selective mutism. They may live with severe anxiety.
Their lives are no more important or valuable than the "stars" that shine in our Down Syndrome community.
All lives matter. ALL of them. All of us.
This month is about awareness...and, I hope, acceptance.
"...not a single sparrow can fall to the ground without your Father knowing it...so don't be afraid; you are more valuable to God than a whole flock of sparrows." Matthew 10:29, 31
Sunday, October 29, 2017
Down Syndrome Awareness: The One Where Joshua Hates the Blender
Joshua has developed a love-hate relationship with our blender.
I noticed it over the last couple of years. When Joshua would unload the dishwasher, there were a lot of things that he just didn't put away. I took it as he either wasn't sure where those things went...or he couldn't reach the shelf where they were supposed to go.
It didn't cross my mind that he was not putting them away...on purpose; that he was trying to convey a deeper message.
The little stinker.
The other two boys noticed it first. Because Joshua would leave glasses and bowls out on the counter, but not just on the counter. He would stack them ON and AROUND the blender. One day, I came into our kitchen, and saw that Joshua had built a little "fort" or "wall" around our blender, with the glasses and dishes he'd taken out of the dishwasher.
WHAT IN THE WORLD?
Finally, after intentional observations, and talks with Joshua, we have figured out that he does not like it when Clark makes smoothies. I don't know if it's Clark getting all the things together for his smoothie, talking about what he's going to put into his smoothie, and then actually putting those things into the blender...because that process would drive the Pope to drink. It's quite long, and Clark is typically quite animated...and the boy can talk the ears off a billy-goat (even if the billy-goat is not in the room)!
We also thought that maybe Joshua just doesn't like the noise the blender makes...because it IS loud...and he doesn't really like loud noises.
Whatever...he hates our blender. HATES. IT.
One day, I asked Clark to offer Joshua a small glass of his smoothie, thinking that if Joshua could taste it, and see the yummy goodness that comes from the blender, it might change his behavior. Joshua drank it, and he LOVED it. He said, "I don't know why I don't like the blender...this is GOOD!"
So, I thought we were over it.
Typically, if we call Joshua out on a behavior like this, and tell him this is not the behavior of a 30-something year old MAN, he will see how silly it is...and stop it. And he DID stop it...for a bit. But then, a week or two later, there was another barricade in front of the blender...and Clark.had.had.enough.
There were words between them. I didn't go in there...sometimes it's just best to let them hash it out.
Plus, Momma is tired.
And old.
I heard the sound of Crocs stomping upstairs, and I knew Joshua was mad.
When I came back into the kitchen, Clark had taken all the glasses and dishes that Joshua had stacked in front of the blender...and he had stacked them ALL on Joshua's place-mat at the table.
(sigh)
I saw his point, but #LOGICISNOTINOURWHEELHOUSE, and Clark knows that.
Joshua's head about blew off.
Around lunch time, we decided to go over to Holly's, and help out with the baby. Clark got into the car with a large glass of smoothie. He said, "will you hold this for a second while I run back in the house for a minute?" I said, "sure!" I asked Joshua if he wanted to try it, and he said, "yes." And then he proceeded to drink SEVERAL big gulps of it before Clark got back in the car.
Joshua wrote this comment on Facebook...this is word for word: "I might be a blender disliker user, but having a drink of a smoothie is can not be denied." #blenderdislikeruser
"Behold, how good and pleasant it is when brothers dwell in unity!" Psalm 133:1
I noticed it over the last couple of years. When Joshua would unload the dishwasher, there were a lot of things that he just didn't put away. I took it as he either wasn't sure where those things went...or he couldn't reach the shelf where they were supposed to go.
It didn't cross my mind that he was not putting them away...on purpose; that he was trying to convey a deeper message.
The little stinker.
The other two boys noticed it first. Because Joshua would leave glasses and bowls out on the counter, but not just on the counter. He would stack them ON and AROUND the blender. One day, I came into our kitchen, and saw that Joshua had built a little "fort" or "wall" around our blender, with the glasses and dishes he'd taken out of the dishwasher.
WHAT IN THE WORLD?
Finally, after intentional observations, and talks with Joshua, we have figured out that he does not like it when Clark makes smoothies. I don't know if it's Clark getting all the things together for his smoothie, talking about what he's going to put into his smoothie, and then actually putting those things into the blender...because that process would drive the Pope to drink. It's quite long, and Clark is typically quite animated...and the boy can talk the ears off a billy-goat (even if the billy-goat is not in the room)!
We also thought that maybe Joshua just doesn't like the noise the blender makes...because it IS loud...and he doesn't really like loud noises.
Whatever...he hates our blender. HATES. IT.
One day, I asked Clark to offer Joshua a small glass of his smoothie, thinking that if Joshua could taste it, and see the yummy goodness that comes from the blender, it might change his behavior. Joshua drank it, and he LOVED it. He said, "I don't know why I don't like the blender...this is GOOD!"
So, I thought we were over it.
Typically, if we call Joshua out on a behavior like this, and tell him this is not the behavior of a 30-something year old MAN, he will see how silly it is...and stop it. And he DID stop it...for a bit. But then, a week or two later, there was another barricade in front of the blender...and Clark.had.had.enough.
There were words between them. I didn't go in there...sometimes it's just best to let them hash it out.
Plus, Momma is tired.
And old.
I heard the sound of Crocs stomping upstairs, and I knew Joshua was mad.
When I came back into the kitchen, Clark had taken all the glasses and dishes that Joshua had stacked in front of the blender...and he had stacked them ALL on Joshua's place-mat at the table.
(sigh)
I saw his point, but #LOGICISNOTINOURWHEELHOUSE, and Clark knows that.
Joshua's head about blew off.
Around lunch time, we decided to go over to Holly's, and help out with the baby. Clark got into the car with a large glass of smoothie. He said, "will you hold this for a second while I run back in the house for a minute?" I said, "sure!" I asked Joshua if he wanted to try it, and he said, "yes." And then he proceeded to drink SEVERAL big gulps of it before Clark got back in the car.
Joshua wrote this comment on Facebook...this is word for word: "I might be a blender disliker user, but having a drink of a smoothie is can not be denied." #blenderdislikeruser
"Behold, how good and pleasant it is when brothers dwell in unity!" Psalm 133:1
Saturday, October 28, 2017
Down Syndrome Awareness: Explaining Jesus is the Light of the World to Joshua
The other morning on our way to Little Rock, Joshua kept saying, "that sun is sooooo bright!" And variations of that statement. Over and over and over.
And, I don't know, maybe I didn't sleep well the night before, or maybe I thought I had time to kill on our drive...but I said, "you know, the sun is ALWAYS bright...that's how God created it. If you were on an airplane, you could fly through the clouds, and the sun would be shining...even if we were having a gloomy day down here on the Earth."
Joshua said, "well, today it's BRIGHT," and he pulled out his sunglasses that he wears OVER his regular glasses.
I said, "the sun is bright every day. It's just that sometimes there are obstacles that keep us from seeing how bright it is, like buildings...trees...clouds...pollution...smoke. But the sun is still up there, bright and hot, just the way God made it."
Joshua: [crickets chirping]
And then he said, "what if the greater light was at night, and the lesser light, the moon, was during the day? That would be ONE MESSED UP CREATION!"
And because one of my sons told me that I could make a Bible lesson out of a sandwich, and because Joshua understands some deep Biblical concepts...and INSTEAD of listening to that little voice in my head that said, "SHUT YOUR MOUTH AND PLEASE STOP TALKING, MARTY," I pressed on saying, "it's like how the Bible tells us that Jesus is the Light of the world...and He is. It's just that sometimes we put other things in front of Him like our pride, or our busy lives, or wanting to do things our own way. But, even if we DO put those things in front of Jesus, it doesn't change the fact that HE is the LIGHT of the world."
And then I stopped, satisfied that I'd made my point.
Joshua just looked at me, shrugged his shoulders, and said, "well...that's ONE WAY of looking at it."
"Again Jesus spoke to them, saying, 'I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will not walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.'" John 8:12
And, I don't know, maybe I didn't sleep well the night before, or maybe I thought I had time to kill on our drive...but I said, "you know, the sun is ALWAYS bright...that's how God created it. If you were on an airplane, you could fly through the clouds, and the sun would be shining...even if we were having a gloomy day down here on the Earth."
Joshua said, "well, today it's BRIGHT," and he pulled out his sunglasses that he wears OVER his regular glasses.
I said, "the sun is bright every day. It's just that sometimes there are obstacles that keep us from seeing how bright it is, like buildings...trees...clouds...pollution...smoke. But the sun is still up there, bright and hot, just the way God made it."
Joshua: [crickets chirping]
And then he said, "what if the greater light was at night, and the lesser light, the moon, was during the day? That would be ONE MESSED UP CREATION!"
And because one of my sons told me that I could make a Bible lesson out of a sandwich, and because Joshua understands some deep Biblical concepts...and INSTEAD of listening to that little voice in my head that said, "SHUT YOUR MOUTH AND PLEASE STOP TALKING, MARTY," I pressed on saying, "it's like how the Bible tells us that Jesus is the Light of the world...and He is. It's just that sometimes we put other things in front of Him like our pride, or our busy lives, or wanting to do things our own way. But, even if we DO put those things in front of Jesus, it doesn't change the fact that HE is the LIGHT of the world."
And then I stopped, satisfied that I'd made my point.
Joshua just looked at me, shrugged his shoulders, and said, "well...that's ONE WAY of looking at it."
"Again Jesus spoke to them, saying, 'I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will not walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.'" John 8:12
Friday, October 27, 2017
Down Syndrome Awareness: Joshua's Selfless Gift
When you have a child with Down Syndrome, I think it's normal to have some questions. Like, what will they be able to understand...how will they fit into your family...how will it affect the siblings.
Well.
It was the Christmas before Rhodie was born. We hadn't found out yet that he was a boy.
A couple of days before Christmas, Joshua came downstairs and whispered to me, "I have the perfect gift for Holly's baby." Joshua's eyes were lit up and sparkling. He was so excited.
I said, "what's the gift?" He said, "Nathan."
If you knew Joshua during the first 8-10 years of his life, you knew Nathan.
Nathan was Joshua's Cabbage Patch baby doll, and Joshua took him EVERYWHERE. In fact, Joshua "loved" Nathan so much, that his head was nearly severed, hanging on by a thread. I had to rush around and try to find a NEW NATHAN that looked exactly like the OLD NATHAN...and make the ol' switcheroo.
I haven't seen or thought about Nathan in years. Like...in twenty years or so. The first Nathan is in the hope chest...severed head and all...but the 2nd Nathan? I had no clue where he was.
Well, apparently, he was on the top shelf of Joshua's closet. Joshua said he had to "use a golf club to whack him down."
Sweet, right?
I was really taken aback by all of this, because Joshua thought of this all on his own. He was so excited to surprise Holly. I seriously almost lost it when he told me about this (turns out I wouldn't be the only one).
I told Jim and the boys about Joshua's gift, so we all knew it was coming. We saved it for last.
Holly opened the bag. Joshua had written a "poem" to her about the baby. On the outside of the note, he wrote something like, "a great treasure for your baby is inside this bag."
She opened it up, and pulled out Nathan.
To say she was shocked would be an understatement. She started crying...and then she laughed...and then she cried. SHE KNEW what a special gift this was.
Joshua said, "I don't need him anymore...it's your baby's turn."
(sniff)
Nathan is a little bunged up, a little dirty...and he may have every disease known to man on him...but we were all so touched by Joshua's selfless gift.
"Three things will last forever—faith, hope, and love—and the greatest of these is love." 1 Corinthians 13:13
Well.
It was the Christmas before Rhodie was born. We hadn't found out yet that he was a boy.
A couple of days before Christmas, Joshua came downstairs and whispered to me, "I have the perfect gift for Holly's baby." Joshua's eyes were lit up and sparkling. He was so excited.
I said, "what's the gift?" He said, "Nathan."
If you knew Joshua during the first 8-10 years of his life, you knew Nathan.
Nathan was Joshua's Cabbage Patch baby doll, and Joshua took him EVERYWHERE. In fact, Joshua "loved" Nathan so much, that his head was nearly severed, hanging on by a thread. I had to rush around and try to find a NEW NATHAN that looked exactly like the OLD NATHAN...and make the ol' switcheroo.
I haven't seen or thought about Nathan in years. Like...in twenty years or so. The first Nathan is in the hope chest...severed head and all...but the 2nd Nathan? I had no clue where he was.
Well, apparently, he was on the top shelf of Joshua's closet. Joshua said he had to "use a golf club to whack him down."
Sweet, right?
I was really taken aback by all of this, because Joshua thought of this all on his own. He was so excited to surprise Holly. I seriously almost lost it when he told me about this (turns out I wouldn't be the only one).
I told Jim and the boys about Joshua's gift, so we all knew it was coming. We saved it for last.
Holly opened the bag. Joshua had written a "poem" to her about the baby. On the outside of the note, he wrote something like, "a great treasure for your baby is inside this bag."
She opened it up, and pulled out Nathan.
To say she was shocked would be an understatement. She started crying...and then she laughed...and then she cried. SHE KNEW what a special gift this was.
Joshua said, "I don't need him anymore...it's your baby's turn."
(sniff)
Nathan is a little bunged up, a little dirty...and he may have every disease known to man on him...but we were all so touched by Joshua's selfless gift.
"Three things will last forever—faith, hope, and love—and the greatest of these is love." 1 Corinthians 13:13
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