Joshua the Basketball Manager

Well, the details are a little fuzzy (it depends on who you ask), but Joshua was in the 9th or 10th grade, when he came home from school telling me that he'd been asked to be a team manager for the Varsity boys basketball team.

I wasn't immediately excited, because we...his teachers and I...had never even entertained this idea. NOT AT ALL. I was skeptical...and nervous. I thought, "oh no...Joshua has either convinced himself that he's going to do this...OR, he flat-out asked the coach if he could do this, and the man didn't have the heart to tell him, "no."

Oh, dear.

But he kept on about it, so I asked his Special Fred teacher to please check it out.

Because here's the thing: Joshua is neat. He picks up after HIMSELF. He was not going to be too thrilled to be picking up after those Varsity boys. Also, Joshua is a GERM FREAK...he was not about to touch a water bottle that umpteen people had been drinking out of...or some nasty towel that had been thrown on the floor. And, finally, sweat grosses him out.

WELL. Those Searcy Lions were going to be LUCKY to have him! :)

His teacher got back to me, and she was more than a little excited! She said that she had talked to the coach, and he told her that he had, indeed, approached Joshua about it. And I may or may not have cried. And, when I got home later and told Jim about it...I may or may not have cried again.

Joshua called himself the "home game" manager, until the following year, when Holly signed on to help with the team. This was all her doing, but MAN...it was such a blessing to Jim and me. Holly's presence added some support to the situation. Joshua was able to attend the away games now, with his sister...and the other managers...and then he and Holly rode home together when they got back to the school.

There are several touch-stone moments from Joshua's school years, and being a basketball manager was one of them.

High school is hard enough, for everybody, but that one invitation, from a kind-hearted coach, made all the difference in Joshua's confidence at school. He felt important. He felt needed. He felt like part of the team...and he knew EVERYONE.

We always tried to sit behind the team, because Joshua sat on the bench...at the very end. This meant that we always sat on the visitor's side of the home games, and that was always super fun. NOT. We just wanted to be close in case there was every any sort of issue. Knowing we were there also gave Holly the freedom to do her job.

The main thing we worried about at games were safety issues for Joshua. But sometimes, we also had to worry about his attitude.

Joshua didn't always have the best attitude when his team was losing. There were gestures...mumbling...arm-folding...and the mad, bottom-lip-sticking-out thing.

He was the manager for 2 or 3 years, and we made it out of high school without him drawing a technical for our team...so I call that a win-WIN!

On Senior night, all of the Varsity boys (and girls), and all of the managers, were recognized on the court before the game. When they called Joshua's name, the entire gym erupted in applause, and everyone stood up and cheered. I could not believe it.

I glanced around, and saw so many of our friends there, smiling and cheering. Truthfully, they had been there all along...good days, bad days...and the hard years when it felt like every day was a struggle. Some of his teachers and therapists were there...many of them had been there from the start of his educational journey, so it was only fitting that they were there at the end.

This night, Senior night, all started because ONE PERSON...Coach Roger Franks...took a chance on Joshua. And, because of that, love was raining down on our family.

I wanted to freeze that moment in time, because you know what it felt like?

It felt like GRACE.

“The King will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.’ Matthew 25:40

Tolerance

People say there is more awareness in our society today, and tolerance for those who are different.

I hate the word "tolerance." HATE STRONGLY DISLIKE IT.

Allow me to define the word tolerate: "accept or endure (someone or something unpleasant or disliked) with forbearance (self-control); to put up with, bear, stomach, deal with."

Tolerate and tolerance are not good words when used for people.

Tolerance...tolerating people...in my opinion, should not be something we try to practice in the body of Christ.

I'm just sayin'...would YOU like feeling that other people have to "stomach" being around you? That they are enduring the time they have to spend with you?

Not me.

Last week, I talked to a mom of a young child who has Down Syndrome. She shared some of the things they are going through with school, and y'all...the school days are just hard days. 

Or they were for us. Home-work, therapies, doctor appointments, IEPs, teacher conferences and WHY DOES EVERYTHING HAVE TO BE SO HARD? It's hard enough already.

The school work was hard. The social situations were hard. Wondering if we were doing any of it right was hard. Wondering why everything seemed like a fight. Hard.

I remember those days...when I would pray all the way to school...and pray during the day, and wonder how things were going...was he safe...was he sad...was he liked...was he keeping up? Was he lonely? 

Kept me on my knees.

And at the end of the day, I would sit in my car and breathe a prayer. I hoped there would be "good notes," and that I would hear positive things. And then I would take a biiiig breath, and walk into his classroom to get the re-cap. Every.single.day.

(sigh)

Because we...as a society...spend a whole lotta time trying to get these kids (and adults) to fit into the molds we have...because that is what we think is best. For them, and for all of us. And maybe it is. Because it seems wrong to let them maybe take a different path...because we want to bring them along with the rest of us, and help them to fit in...with us. When maybe they weren't met to fit in. Maybe none of us were. I don't know.

Maybe...we should try to fit in...WITH THEM. Hmmmm...think on THAT a while. Because Joshua and his friends? They are so precious and unique. They are interesting. They are compassionate, thoughtful and creative. They love big. They are pure in heart...innocent, trusting, and vulnerable.

I am very thankful for the teachers, therapists and other professionals in Joshua's life, who knew what to do and how to do it. They thought clearly for him, when my mind was clouded by emotion. Most of them did not "tolerate" Joshua, but, instead, loved him, cared for him, expected the best from him, pushed him, prayed for him, coached him, encouraged him, listened to him, invested to him. I can never thank them enough for their part in making Joshua into the fine, young man he is today.

Today we are living what I call the Years of Blessing. Joshua is happy. He is healthy. He is caring and kind (usually). He sees the good in others. He speaks his mind no matter who is around to hear it! He is funny! In fact, over the past few years, he has turned into our resident Jay Leno. He is sensitive and insightful. He is excited with the little things. He is wise.

God has been so gracious to allow us these fun years with Joshua...sandwiched in between the hard times he had in school...and the hard times that are sure to come. 

I love writing about the fun stuff, but if you read around on my blog, you will see that I write about some of the difficult stuff, too. I just want people to feel encouraged...to know that Down Syndrome is not a death sentence for your life, your child's life, or for your family. It's a different path for sure. Difficult for sure. Uncertain, scary, frustrating, sad...blessed, joyful, rewarding and happy. And, guess what? All of those same things can be said about parenting our other 3 kids. 

I am so very thankful for this man-child.

"For this boy I prayed, and He has granted my request. So I have dedicated him to the LORD; as long as he lives he is dedicated to the LORD..." 1 Samuel 1:27-28

Joshua's Words on "Special Needs"

So, we think he doesn't always "get" it...that we can make it okay, and he'll never know.

But we can't...and he does.

Joshua has been reading this Tony Dungy devotion book that he got for Christmas last year. It's about influence...how to be an influence, and ABOUT being an influence. He will occasionally post a Facebook status about someone from his life who was a big influence on him.

In March, there is always a big campaign called "Spread the Word to End the Word." The "R" word. You know what I'm talkin' about, right? 

So, Joshua had been reading his Tony Dungy book, and some of the "R" word posts on Facebook. He also said that two verses from a recent sermon really spoke to him: First, in Genesis, where God created everyone in HIS image. EVERYONE. And then in Matthew, where Jesus said to treat everyone how you want to be treated. EVERYONE.

He said that he was sick and tired of being silent about it, because it just wasn't right.

Joshua can write him some dramatic Facebook posts. He likes to use very descriptive words, some of which he makes up himself. You just never know what he is going to say. So, I thought that you might want to read something that Joshua wrote himself...just in case you're like me, and thought maybe "they" don't understand.
Because this post? I read it...and then I cried...because it came straight from his heart:

"In a way I think when people treat those with special needs. In a mean way it is not nice at all. The bible states that all people are created by The Lord. In a morphincal way. I think that is wrong for treating those with special needs. I will not stand aside and let people like my self be treated in a mean way. Because we are just created in the image of The Lord god has created people with special needs for a reason. Even if one stand's alone. I commonly have to spread the word with camp barnabas and with my companion. Jenni Hayes as well as many others whom has special needs. Quit using the r word. Because we have feelings and we are one in The Lord. We are have one heart in The Lord. The Lord even proclaim's to don't judge people at all unless you want to be judged. I have to happen to have a heart for people even people whom all has special needs. So treat people the way you want to be treated Matthew 7:12 I care for people. I believe that everyone has a heart of Christ within us. Who will stand up with me for those people whom has special needs.thank you."

Preach it, Joshua!

I was flying high with pride at my little Norma Rae.

BUT THEN, he said, "and if anyone wants to make fun of people with special needs or disabilities...they're gonna get a kick in the face from THIS GUY with special needs."

Annnnd...there it is.
So high...and then so low.

"In fact, some parts of the body that seem weakest and least important are actually the most necessary." 1 Corinthians 12:22

Joshua's List For A New Pastor

After our pastor resigned, our church started the process of seeking the man that would lead our church. One of the first things was to form a search team. Our staff prepared us for several weeks, and then asked us to pray about and then submit 7 names from the men and women in our church. Once the ballots were collected, the top 7 would be voted on by the church...and they would be our search team.

I talked to Joshua about all of this at home, and we prayed for our church and the people who would be on the search team. I felt like he had a pretty good grasp of the process.

When the day came to fill out our ballets, I asked Joshua if he wanted one, and he said, "yes."

I pulled up my list...I had saved it on my phone...and glanced over at Joshua. His head was down and he was writing furiously.

Not gonna lie...I had a twinge of pride. I thought, "TAKE THAT, people who think he doesn't know what's going on."

But, when he was done, he showed me his list. Instead of listing the names of 7 people, he had listed 7 qualities or characteristics he wanted in our new pastor:

*faithful
*honest
*bold
*patient
*wise
*understanding
*has a heart for kids

That last one about did me in.

So...after 10 months or so, we found our new pastor. He's been here a few weeks now. Best I can tell, he has every one of these qualities.

That last one? He and his wife have 6 kids...4 of them are adopted.

To quote a line from the movie, Babe, "that'll do, pig...that'll do."

"Pray without ceasing." 1 Thessalonians 5:17

Making New Friends: Building Bridges

One Sunday, way back in 2013, our former pastor preached on "Making New Friends..." building bridges between us and people we would normally avoid for one reason or another. He used the story of the Woman at the Well" (John 4:1-42) as an example.

He talked about reaching across racial lines and economic barriers, overcoming fears and stereotypes, being open to learning about other cultures...and reaching out to people who are different from us socially...people who are considered social outcasts.

He encouraged us to look at others through the eyes of Jesus.

His points were that, when the disciples saw a woman...Jesus saw a PERSON; when the disciples saw a Samaritan...Jesus saw a FRIEND; and when the disciples saw an outcast...Jesus saw an EVANGELIST.

Bro. Mark talked to us about the people we tend to avoid...because they are different.

WELL.

I spent the first part of the sermon climbing up on my high mountain. ALLLLLL up on it.

Because being a mom of a son with special needs sometimes clouds influences my judgment...and so I was thinking, "all of YOU PEOPLE need to LISTEN UP."

I'm with the different and the overlooked every day. I've seen the pointing and staring. I've had people ask me questions that should be addressed to Joshua, like, "would he like a cookie?"

Or, "does he need a children's menu?" (ummmm...he's 29 years old)

BUILD SOME DANG BRIDGES, PEOPLE. Sheesh.

But God...was so kind to help me down from my high place, and hold me tight. He reminded me that He loves Joshua more than I ever can. And that I'm no better...no better than the woman at the well; no better than the ones who judge, stare, ignore and avoid people who are different.

Because what I want for my child, and his friends..what I expect...I often fail to give to others. And I'm ashamed to admit it, because I know how it feels.

And I know better.

He also showed me that the annoying questions, and the odd things people have said to me, CAN...depending on how I react...sometimes be the beginning of building a "bridge" between people who see each other as different.

We're all different...right?

I'm so thankful that, once upon a time, as a young girl...Jesus met me where I was, and drew me to Him. And loved me. And all those times as a teenager, and then as a young wife and mom...and, even now, TODAY, when I mess up...Jesus comes to me where I am...and He draws me back to Himself. And He loves me.

How can I do any less for someone else?

"In as much as you have done it unto the least of these brothers and sisters of Mine, you have done it unto Me." (Matthew 25:40)