10th Grade

It was like 10th grade all over again, when I was the new kid...coming into class late on the first day.

My Dad was in the Air Force and we moved all the time. In fact, I think I counted up 16 moves before I graduated from high school. My 4th grade year, I went to 3 different schools. THREE. DIFFERENT. SCHOOLS.

Explains a lot, huh?

So, it was part of the routine. After the move, my Mom would take us up to the school to get registered. This was almost always AFTER the school year had already started. And, the administrators always walked us into our class AFTER it had already started...and we had to bust up in there right in the big middle of it.

My stomach hurts just thinking of it.

Ever watch the movie, "Mean Girls..." the part when Lindsay Lohan is walking through the cafeteria? Yeah...like that. Everyone stares. They look you up and down, whispering to their friend. You are sure it's about you.

In my case, it WAS about me. And here's why...

Our family had just moved to Oklahoma from Taiwan. I knew nothing about fashion, music or movie stars. I had lived on a rock for 2 years...give me a break! My mom had a lady who sewed for us while we were in Taiwan. My mom had such fun picking out patterns and material. The sewing lady was amazing! My sisters and I had lots of coordinating clothes (even now that makes me want to throw up a little in my mouth, because..10th grade). But while the things she made for us were great for Taiwan...in Oklahoma? NOTSOMUCH. It's a thousand wonders I didn't get beat up on the first day.

In what I would call a major lack of judgment on my part (and my mom's for not knowing any better), I headed out to my first day wearing ORANGE pants and an ORANGE print shirt. To school. In Oklahoma. In the 10th grade. Add to the fact that we had been living in guest housing for 3 months before we actually moved, and had spent each and every day at the swimming pool. We were seriously tan...which probably only added to the serious brightness of the orange.

Oh the orange.

(And on another note: I had never worn a pair of jeans. EVER. Did not even own a pair. In 10th grade)

As Clark would say: "notthepoint..."

So, fast forward to this week. Our school's JV football team had an away game. We parked on the "home" side and walked in that gate. We had to walk across their side and down the infield side to get to our bleachers. It was a beautiful afternoon and we were just walking and talking and laughing the whole way, Joshua, Holly and me.


As we got to our side and started to climb up to find a seat, I was acutely aware that everyone was staring at us. It was mainly a group of women, all sitting together, who were staring at us up and down. I felt my face get flushed...was my hair messed up? did I have lettuce in my teeth? I sat down and looked at the 3 of us. We looked FINE. We all 3 had on our school hoodies...hair looked good...teeth were white and shiny.

WHATTHEHECK?

I am used to getting stares when I have Joshua, but this was ridiculous. Was it really just because of him? Or because we were "new?" I mean, we have been to every stinkin' game. I guess I will never know, but it infuriated me that people could be so rude. Especially those women.Were they talking about us? About Joshua? I was even more infuriated that I let it bother me. I am a mom...just like them. I love my husband and my kids...just like them.

Girls are just the worst, aren't they? If you have one, you know what I'm talking about...school, church, boys...the drama never ends. Some of those mean girls grow up into mean women. I guess it's been that way since the beginning of time.

I realized again that I can't change anyone. I can only, with God's help, change ME. And I realized that changing ME, how I act and REact, might end up...some day...changing someone else. Everyone struggles with self-esteem and confidence issues. How we cover it up is that when we are little...we get in a "group," or we try to. That way, we feel stronger than we do when we are just alone. But guess what? Sometimes you have to stand alone.

That's what I've always told my kids...

It's a lesson I can never stop learning.

Lord, help them to see You in me...to see You, not me...

"Together, we are His house, built on the foundation of the apostles and the prophets. And the cornerstone is Christ Jesus Himself. We are carefully joined together in Him, becoming a holy temple for the Lord." Ephesians 2:20-21