[Repost] Down Syndrome Awareness: Building Bridges

One Sunday, way back in 2013, our former pastor preached on "Making New Friends..." building bridges between us and people we would normally avoid for one reason or another. He used the story of the Woman at the Well" (John 4:1-42) as an example.

He talked about reaching across racial lines and economic barriers, overcoming fears and stereotypes, being open to learning about other cultures...and reaching out to people who are different from us socially...people who are considered social outcasts.

He encouraged us to look at others through the eyes of Jesus.

His points were that, when the disciples saw a woman...Jesus saw a PERSON; when the disciples saw a Samaritan...Jesus saw a FRIEND; and when the disciples saw an outcast...Jesus saw an EVANGELIST.

Bro. Mark talked to us about the people we tend to avoid...because they are different.

WELL.

I spent the first part of the sermon climbing up on my high mountain. ALLLLLL up on it.

Because being a mom of a son with special needs sometimes clouds influences my judgment...and so I was thinking, "all of YOU PEOPLE need to LISTEN UP."

I'm with the different and the overlooked every day. I've seen the pointing and staring. I've had people ask me questions that should be addressed to Joshua, like, "would he like a cookie?"

Or, "does he need a children's menu?" (ummmm...he's 29 years old)

BUILD SOME DANG BRIDGES, PEOPLE. Sheesh.

But God...was so kind to help me down from my high place, and hold me tight. He reminded me that He loves Joshua more than I ever can. And that I'm no better...no better than the woman at the well; no better than the ones who judge, stare, ignore and avoid people who are different.

Because what I want for my child, and his friends..what I expect...I often fail to give to others. And I'm ashamed to admit it, because I know how it feels.

And I know better.

He also showed me that the annoying questions, and the odd things people have said to me, CAN...depending on how I react...sometimes be the beginning of building a "bridge" between people who see each other as different.

We're all different...right?

I'm so thankful that, once upon a time, as a young girl...Jesus met me where I was, and drew me to Him. And loved me. And all those times as a teenager, and then as a young wife and mom...and, even now, TODAY, when I mess up...Jesus comes to me where I am...and He draws me back to Himself. And He loves me.

How can I do any less for someone else?

"In as much as you have done it unto the least of these brothers and sisters of Mine, you have done it unto Me." (Matthew 25:40)

Repost: When "Church-People" Hurt You

[Down Syndrome Awareness Month] Our Daily Fred: A couple of years ago, our small group (Sunday School) lesson was from the book of James...on the power of the tongue. Our leader asked, "what are some words we should never say?" Someone piped up first thing, and mentioned a certain racial slur. They didn't say the word...we all knew. And we all agreed we should NEVER use ANY racial slurs. Our teacher asked, "what else?" One class member spoke up and said, "well, I'll tell you one we can't use, and it just burns me up..." and then she said it...the word. I'm not gonna write it out. I can't. I won't. It's an intellectual slur #directedatpeoplelikemyson. We call it the "R" word. She said, "I am so sick of the PC (politically correct) police telling us what we can and cannot say. I believe in calling a spade...a spade." Oh no, she di'int. Oh yes...she did! I felt ALLTHEEYES on us. And, here's the thing: we had been in the class for probably 2 years at this time. They knew us...they knew the make-up of our family. She went on, "it's a 'medical term,' ya know. We tell our kids not to say it, and, when they do...they get in trouble in class. Teachers can get in BIG trouble if they say it. People can lose their friends, jobs and reputations for saying this word...and IT'S JUST RIDICULOUS." My heart was about to beat out of my chest. I knew my face was red. She continued..."the reason this word is upsetting to some people, is that we've given it too much power. By making it taboo, we've created this big 'thing' about it, so that now kids want to say it...just like they want to say all the cuss words."WHAT? She said that people have t-shirts saying we should get rid of this word (I have one)...and stickers and rubber bracelets saying we should get rid of this word (yep...have those, too). She said it made her "thankful" when she heard kids call each other this word...because it "lessens the power of it." Ummm...no it doesn't. I thought I was going to jump out of my skin. Everyone was nervously looking around at each other, and at us. I think I asked Jim if I could respond, but I didn't wait for his answer. When you have #asonlikemine and he comes home from school saying that someone called him that word, and told him that #hehadamessedupbrain...well. don't even talk to me about the power of a word, unless you've experienced something like that with one of your own kids. Experiences like that either cloud my judgment...or enhance it. TAKE YOUR PICK. I would like to say that others in our class spoke up in defense of the defenseless...except no one did. I feel like there was a way that others could have spoken up that day, and it wouldn't have been judgmental for the lady...and it would've been encouraging to us. I don't know...I just pray that God would give me boldness to speak life, if I'm ever in a similar situation. Because there are millions of words in the English language. Why would we choose to use hurtful and divisive words when we can choose words that can encourage and heal? But, no one spoke up. It was more than a little disheartening. BUT, it was a lesson TO ME that sometimes we will stand alone, and that's okay. And that there are times when we should speak up ("speak up for those who have no voice..." Proverbs 31:8), and times when we should hold our tongues. So, I told the lady, "I completely disagree with everything you just said." I stated my thoughts in a calm and restrained way, even tho I was about to have a nervous breakdown. It was one of the hardest things I've ever done...because MARTY DOES NOT LIKE CONFRONTATION. Jim and I walked out of that class feeling even more burdened. I begged Jim to let us leave that class and go to a different one. He said, "no." And every day leading up to the next Sunday, I would ask again, "pleeeeeease?" And, like Tom Cruise in "Top Gun," he'd emphatically say, "I'm.not.leaving.my.wing-man." Actually, he'd say, "we are NOT LEAVING THIS CLASS." Week after week after week. In the end, it was all...okay. The lady came to our house, and apologized if she hurt our feelings. I will never agree with her point of view. Like, ever. She will likely never agree with mine. But I forgave her, and neither one of us harbored ill-will toward each other. Seven months later, Jim and I had to switch to a different class because of a scheduling issue with Joshua. But it was on God's timing...not ours. PLEASE HEAR ME ON THIS: it's not my intention to bash any person or any church. We still attend this church. I love my church. I think Christians should be in church. BUT, just because we're in church doesn't mean we are perfect. In fact, far from it. Church is a place where we go to worship God with others. It's where we go when we realize we can't do life on our own...that we need the support of community. It's where we go to learn more about Jesus...and to develop our relationship with Him; where we go to prepare ourselves for the trials that come our way...and to learn ways to share our faith. I just wanted to show how one negative comment can overshadow 10 positive ones. And to show that, even in the one place we hope to find grace and support, we sometimes don't. Christians aren't happy all the time, and churches are full of hurting people. Many times, we don't know the burdens they carry, or the ones placed on them by others. Our church is full of many wonderful people, and yet the negative words of one person stay with me...and remind me that we are gonna fail each other. We are. But God never fails. "Everything He does reveals His glory and majesty. His righteousness never fails." Psalm 111: 3

Repost: Joshua and the Treat Bags

Years ago, after we got home from Clark's very first 9th grade football game, he casually mentioned that he didn't get a "treat bag" that day. I had just spent 3 years helping with the Mom Squad for the Varsity boys, and we made sure every player, manager and coach got a treat bag for every game. 

The kids at the elementary schools would decorate the bags, and then we would fill the bags with peanut butter crackers, granola bars, cookies, candy, roll-ups, etc...things they could have for a quick snack after the game. 

Clark said there were a few others who didn't get a bag that day, but that didn't make it okay with me. He said, "Mom, CHILL...don't make a thing about it." 

Like I would. 

Enter: Joshua. 

He had overheard the conversation, and quietly slipped upstairs. Later, he came down with a big grin on his face. He was holding a white lunch bag that he had decorated for Clark. He whispered, "for his next game." Because, y'all...his brother was NOT going without a treat bag. No, ma'am. 

Not on his watch. 

So, for the rest of the season, Joshua would get a lunch bag out of our pantry, and he would go up to his room to decorate it. He started out writing things like, "we love you," or "go for a win." But, as time went on, he got more creative. He'd use quotes from football movies, like, "you blitz all night," "make sure they remember the night they played the Hornets," and "Stonewall defense" (whatever that is). 

There was also our personal favorite, "spank them like a 4 year old at K-Mart."

WHAAAAT? 

Later, he'd bring the bag downstairs, I'd fill it with goodies...and we'd "hide" it in Clark's football bag. Every.single.week. Clark always knew it was in there. 

I love that Joshua loves his brother...both of his brothers, and his sister. He's their biggest fan. 

You know, people throw words around like "burden" and "quality of life" and they have NO IDEA about our lives...of the JOY this brown-eyed man-child has brought to our family...and how much our lives have been BLESSED (yep, I said it) by Down Syndrome, and the community of FRIENDS who support and encourage us on this walk. 

I think that we, our family, have always thought that WE were the ones encouraging Joshua through life...but then he shows up, and encourages us right back. 

You know, we all want a cheerleader in our lives. Someone who will tell us to keep going...who will pray for us, who will hold us up when we think we can't go on...who says, "hang in there...you can do it...I'm here for you." 

Who cheers for you? Who do YOU cheer for? 

I love the "faith" chapter of Hebrews. In Chapter 11, the author lists some men and women of the Bible, who lived out their faith during trying times in their lives. Abel, Enoch, Noah, Abraham...Isaac, Jacob, Moses...Joshua, Rahab, Gideon, David...and more. If you're a Christian, this is your heritage of faith, too! 

I can just picture them standing in Heaven, along with Jesus, God, the angels...and our family and friends who have gone before us...cheering us on. Isn't that awesome? It's like our very own treat bag from God! 

And guess what? 

No one is overlooked! 

"Therefore encourage one another and build up one another." 1 Thessalonians 5:11

Down Syndrome Awareness: A Post by Holly About Her Brother

Instead of writing an Our Daily Fred post for Down Syndrome Awareness today, I'm sharing the post Holly wrote about her big brother, Joshua. It's so good! I could not be more proud of these two (and the other two knuckleheads we have). God is good. I am thankful.

Sometimes I forget...

Sometimes I forget that not everyone has grown up with or known someone in their life with Down Syndrome. 

I forget that there are people that aren’t as fortunate as I am. 

My whole life I’ve had a brother with DS. I’ve known nothing different. 

I forget that people see him (and people like him) out and about, and they feel sad, scared, or uncomfortable. 

All my life, I’ve seen people point and stare and whisper. Sometimes it still catches me off guard, because I forget. (I also forget that people still think the “r” word is still acceptable in 2017, but that’s a different rant for a different day.) 

I don’t see Joshua AS Down Syndrome. Yes, he HAS Down Syndrome, yes he has certain attributes that are unique and adorable. He looks a little different from me and my other brothers. He’s “travel-sized” (as we say) and he wears glasses. He has brown hair like my mom. So when I’m out with him and I catch people looking at us, I try to smile at them. I forget that people don’t know how normal-ish our family is (because is anyone’s family really NORMAL?) 

I forget. And for that, I am thankful.

October is Down Syndrome awareness month, and I sometimes forget that people still aren’t as “aware” as my family. I have people come up to me all the time about how they love my mom’s posts about Joshua. I’m glad that through my family, and my mom’s gift for writing, that you guys can get a small glimpse into the blessing that is Our Daily Fred.

(now let's just hope that last part doesn't go straight to his head!)

"Now as Jesus was passing by, he saw a man who had been blind from birth. His disciples asked him, “Rabbi, who committed the sin that caused him to be born blind, this man or his parents?” Jesus answered, “Neither this man nor his parents sinned, but he was born blind so that the acts of God may be revealed through what happens to him.

Down Syndrome Awareness: Blemished and Imperfect

[repost for Down Syndrome Awareness Month] 

Our Daily Fred: Our family likes to go to the beach over Spring Break if we can. Rain or shine, it's a nice way to relax and unwind with the family. 

The weather in March is unpredictable. Some days are really warm, some are cool. On one of our cool days, we decided to go on a family walk. Joshua was not a fan. 

In this case, I didn't really blame him. For one thing, it was sprinkling...and I know we were at the ocean, so a little rain on our heads shouldn't matter...but ain't nobody got time for THAT. For another thing, Jim and the boys were acting like we were filming a segment for the Amazing Race. 

Seriously. 

WHERE'S THE FIRE? 

It's hard for some of us to walk on the sand. 

Holly and I decided to hang back with Joshua, and look for shells. He is not really a huge fan of that, either...but the walking and the looking and the choosing and the PICKING IT UP FROM THE SAND? All really good for Joshua. 

I held the baggie as we walked. If I saw a pretty shell, I'd pick it up and put it in the bag. 

It didn't take long to see a BIG difference in the way Joshua and I chose our shells. I was looking for the perfect shells. You know, the ones that weren't chipped, that didn't have one of those fossil-looking lines on it...the ones that had a pretty color. 

But Joshua? I would see him, bent over a bed of shells. He would look and look, and then pick up one to put in the bag. Every shell he chose was broken, chipped...worthless, really. TO ME. 

Joshua would pick up little pieces, and not care if they were whole or unblemished. In his eyes, each piece had value. 

This had such an impact on me, because this is the very thing I preach: awareness and acceptance; how people are more than a diagnosis...and more than how they look on the outside. 

I don't know if it's human nature to choose the perfect and beautiful, but this day was a huge reminder of how there is beauty in the broken...in the imperfect...in the missing pieces. 

And I, of all people, should know that...God has been making beauty out of my broken...for my whole life. 

"The LORD has made all things for Himself..." Proverbs 16:4