Our family likes to go to the beach over Spring Break if we can. Rain or shine, it's a nice way to relax and unwind with the family. The weather in March is unpredictable. Some days are really warm, some are cool.
So, on one of our cool days, we decided to go on a family walk. Joshua was not a fan. In this case, I didn't really blame him. For one thing, it was sprinkling...and I know we were at the ocean, so a little rain on our heads shouldn't matter...but ain't nobody got time for THAT.
For another thing, Jim and the boys were acting like we were filming a segment for the Amazing Race. Seriously. WHERE'S THE FIRE?
It's hard for some of us to walk on the sand.
So Holly and I decided to hang back with Joshua, and look for shells. He is not really a huge fan of that, either...but the walking and the looking and the choosing and the PICKING IT UP FROM THE SAND? All really good for Joshua.
So, I held the baggie as we walked. If I saw a pretty shell, I'd pick it up and put it in the bag.
It didn't take long to see a BIG difference in the way Joshua and I chose our shells. I was looking for the perfect shells. You know, the ones that weren't chipped, that didn't have one of those fossil-looking lines on it...the ones that had a pretty color.
But Joshua? I would see him, bent over a bed of shells. He would look and look, and then pick up one to put in the bag. Every shell he chose was broken, chipped...worthless, really. TO ME.
Joshua would pick up little pieces, and not care if they were whole or unblemished. In his eyes, each piece had value.
This had such an impact on me, because this is the very thing I preach: awareness and acceptance; how people are more than a diagnosis...and more than how they look on the outside.
I don't know if it's human nature to choose the perfect and beautiful...but this day was a huge reminder of how there is beauty in the broken...in the imperfect...in the missing pieces.
And I, of all people, should know that...God has been making beauty out of my broken...for my whole life.
"The LORD has made all things for Himself..." Proverbs 16:4
...finding joy in the UPside of DOWN...
Monday, October 26, 2015
Sunday, October 25, 2015
Joshua's "Gift" of Words
During Joshua's Senior year of high school, he started writing.
Not writing-writing...he'd been doing that since Kindergarten.
I'm talking, he started writing poems...he called them "songs."
The physical act of writing has always been challenging for Joshua, because of his fine motor skills, but this was different. It wasn't school-work...it was something he was doing for himself.
My mother-in-law got him a guitar one year, and Joshua would write these songs, and then strum the FIRE out of the guitar. And sing? OH MY WORD. We called it his "praise and worship" time.
One day, I asked him to let me read some of his songs, and he brought me a stack of papers, his scratchy handwriting all over them.
Y'all.
I nearly died.
The lyrics were beautiful. They made sense. They RHYMED.
I thought, "thank you, Lord, for this great blessing. THIS is going to be how Joshua makes a living!" I could just see it...he was going to be one of those rare prodigies, gifted by God. He would be on TV. He would be known all over the world. I could almost picture myself decorating our second home in Nashville! Ha!
Joshua always wished he could be a preacher...or a missionary. His greatest desire is to serve God in some way. Here was something he could do to get the message of the Gospel to others...all from his writing!
I reveled in bliss for a couple of weeks...maybe a month, and then, one day in my car, things became crystal clear in an instant.
I typically listen to K-LOVE, but they were having a telethon, so I switched it to a country station. As I drove down the road, I thought, "I don't think I've ever heard this song before...but the words sound SO familiar."
Mmm...mmm...
You know where this is going.
My little stinker was getting on the internet during his computer lab at school, and copying the lyrics into his notebook. I'll admit...it WAS kind of ingenious. But we had a long talk about how you can't copy someone else's songs, and now he writes his own stuff. And it's way better. Maybe not better technically speaking...but better, because it comes from his heart.
We each get a special poem or song at Christmas or on our birthdays. I get one on Mother's Day, and Jim gets one on Father's Day.
He's written some really sweet tributes for people, too. One time, he wrote one for a former coach who was dying from a brain tumor. The coach's wife had it printed out in the bulletin at the funeral, and even asked Joshua to read it during the service! It was a HUGE honor, and I think it blessed his Coach's entire family.
All because a little Downsy boy used the talents God game him...to bless others.
"And whatever you do in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through Him." Colossians 3:17
Not writing-writing...he'd been doing that since Kindergarten.
I'm talking, he started writing poems...he called them "songs."
The physical act of writing has always been challenging for Joshua, because of his fine motor skills, but this was different. It wasn't school-work...it was something he was doing for himself.
My mother-in-law got him a guitar one year, and Joshua would write these songs, and then strum the FIRE out of the guitar. And sing? OH MY WORD. We called it his "praise and worship" time.
One day, I asked him to let me read some of his songs, and he brought me a stack of papers, his scratchy handwriting all over them.
Y'all.
I nearly died.
The lyrics were beautiful. They made sense. They RHYMED.
I thought, "thank you, Lord, for this great blessing. THIS is going to be how Joshua makes a living!" I could just see it...he was going to be one of those rare prodigies, gifted by God. He would be on TV. He would be known all over the world. I could almost picture myself decorating our second home in Nashville! Ha!
Joshua always wished he could be a preacher...or a missionary. His greatest desire is to serve God in some way. Here was something he could do to get the message of the Gospel to others...all from his writing!
I reveled in bliss for a couple of weeks...maybe a month, and then, one day in my car, things became crystal clear in an instant.
I typically listen to K-LOVE, but they were having a telethon, so I switched it to a country station. As I drove down the road, I thought, "I don't think I've ever heard this song before...but the words sound SO familiar."
Mmm...mmm...
You know where this is going.
My little stinker was getting on the internet during his computer lab at school, and copying the lyrics into his notebook. I'll admit...it WAS kind of ingenious. But we had a long talk about how you can't copy someone else's songs, and now he writes his own stuff. And it's way better. Maybe not better technically speaking...but better, because it comes from his heart.
We each get a special poem or song at Christmas or on our birthdays. I get one on Mother's Day, and Jim gets one on Father's Day.
He's written some really sweet tributes for people, too. One time, he wrote one for a former coach who was dying from a brain tumor. The coach's wife had it printed out in the bulletin at the funeral, and even asked Joshua to read it during the service! It was a HUGE honor, and I think it blessed his Coach's entire family.
All because a little Downsy boy used the talents God game him...to bless others.
"And whatever you do in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through Him." Colossians 3:17
Saturday, October 24, 2015
Joshua and the Jumbotron at Church
Joshua loves church...always has.
Unless it goes past noon...then all bets are off.
Oh, he'll wait until he fills in the last point on his fill-in-the-blank sermon notes...but then it's pen up, Bible closed, leather jacket on (he has this leather jacket that he wears 365 days a year, and when I asked him about it one hot August morning, he said, "well, where ELSE am I gonna put my water?") (He carries a water bottle to church with him every Sunday.).
Anyway, back to the whole not-preachin'-past-noon thing...his exact words on that situation are: "I love Jesus...but it's time for lunch."
Joshua has difficulty hearing in certain situations in life, but thanks to the sound quality in our new worship center, he hears pretty well in there. The Jumbotron is his best friend, because it makes it easier for him to keep up with all the words.
Back in July, we sang the song, "You Are Holy." If you are familiar with the song, the men and women take turns singing, and there is a part in the chorus where the men and women are singing different words AT THE SAME TIME. Usually, this is highlighted in some way on the screen. This particular time, it was not. I don't know that it would've made a difference with Joshua. Most people figured it out. Joshua was not one of those people.
We're talkin' jaw set, bottom lip stuck out, and arms folded. There may or may not have also been some muttering of all the Downsy bad words he could think knew.
So, the guest pastor was preaching on "Understanding the True Meaning of Freedom." He was talking about the slave-turned-brother-in-Christ, Onesimus. Joshua likes to fill in the blank on the sermon notes, and Onesimus was one of the answers. Joshua would look up at the screen, write a few letters, look up at the screen, write a few more letters.
So he started "o-n-e..." and scratched it out. Then, "o-n-e-i..." and scratched it out. Then, "o-n-e-s-i..." and as he looked up at the screen to get the next letters, the screen changed to the next point.
And there was a repeat of the whole jaw...bottom lip...folded arms...thing.
The only thing that would've made it worse is if the preacher had posted a Hebrew or Greek word on the screen, and then expounded on it's original meaning. This happened one Sunday...and Joshua?
Head flew straight off.
Jim always shares his notes with Joshua, so no worries.
There have been times when Joshua has had to take matters into his own hands. A couple of years ago, one of the fill-in-the-blank answers was "enthusiasm." I watched Joshua struggle with the spelling, and then put his pen down in frustration. I was just about to nudge Jim to help him, when Joshua picked up his pen. I watched as he slowly wrote, "J-O-Y" in the blank...and then looked up with his proud face.
Enthusiasm = Joy. Yep. That'll do.
And it just got me thinking how we don't know the struggles going on with the people right around us. Big struggles, small struggles, little annoyances. Like the quote, "everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about."
Everyone.
Big, small, young, old, talented, struggling; black, white, red, brown, yellow; strong, weak, agile, feeble, deaf, blind, mute; healthy, jovial, challenged, athletic, smelly, LOUD; troubled, saved, sickly; beautiful, "ordinary," dirty, clean.
I love this quote from Kelly Minter in "Wherever The River Runs," a wonderful book about bringing the Gospel to the forgotten people of the Amazon: "The least of these have the most to give."
Yes, Lord. Give us eyes to see.
"In fact, some of the parts of the body that seem weakest and least important are actually the most necessary." 1 Corinthians 12:22
Unless it goes past noon...then all bets are off.
Oh, he'll wait until he fills in the last point on his fill-in-the-blank sermon notes...but then it's pen up, Bible closed, leather jacket on (he has this leather jacket that he wears 365 days a year, and when I asked him about it one hot August morning, he said, "well, where ELSE am I gonna put my water?") (He carries a water bottle to church with him every Sunday.).
Anyway, back to the whole not-preachin'-past-noon thing...his exact words on that situation are: "I love Jesus...but it's time for lunch."
Joshua has difficulty hearing in certain situations in life, but thanks to the sound quality in our new worship center, he hears pretty well in there. The Jumbotron is his best friend, because it makes it easier for him to keep up with all the words.
Back in July, we sang the song, "You Are Holy." If you are familiar with the song, the men and women take turns singing, and there is a part in the chorus where the men and women are singing different words AT THE SAME TIME. Usually, this is highlighted in some way on the screen. This particular time, it was not. I don't know that it would've made a difference with Joshua. Most people figured it out. Joshua was not one of those people.
We're talkin' jaw set, bottom lip stuck out, and arms folded. There may or may not have also been some muttering of all the Downsy bad words he could think knew.
So, the guest pastor was preaching on "Understanding the True Meaning of Freedom." He was talking about the slave-turned-brother-in-Christ, Onesimus. Joshua likes to fill in the blank on the sermon notes, and Onesimus was one of the answers. Joshua would look up at the screen, write a few letters, look up at the screen, write a few more letters.
So he started "o-n-e..." and scratched it out. Then, "o-n-e-i..." and scratched it out. Then, "o-n-e-s-i..." and as he looked up at the screen to get the next letters, the screen changed to the next point.
And there was a repeat of the whole jaw...bottom lip...folded arms...thing.
The only thing that would've made it worse is if the preacher had posted a Hebrew or Greek word on the screen, and then expounded on it's original meaning. This happened one Sunday...and Joshua?
Head flew straight off.
Jim always shares his notes with Joshua, so no worries.
There have been times when Joshua has had to take matters into his own hands. A couple of years ago, one of the fill-in-the-blank answers was "enthusiasm." I watched Joshua struggle with the spelling, and then put his pen down in frustration. I was just about to nudge Jim to help him, when Joshua picked up his pen. I watched as he slowly wrote, "J-O-Y" in the blank...and then looked up with his proud face.
Enthusiasm = Joy. Yep. That'll do.
And it just got me thinking how we don't know the struggles going on with the people right around us. Big struggles, small struggles, little annoyances. Like the quote, "everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about."
Everyone.
Big, small, young, old, talented, struggling; black, white, red, brown, yellow; strong, weak, agile, feeble, deaf, blind, mute; healthy, jovial, challenged, athletic, smelly, LOUD; troubled, saved, sickly; beautiful, "ordinary," dirty, clean.
I love this quote from Kelly Minter in "Wherever The River Runs," a wonderful book about bringing the Gospel to the forgotten people of the Amazon: "The least of these have the most to give."
Yes, Lord. Give us eyes to see.
"In fact, some of the parts of the body that seem weakest and least important are actually the most necessary." 1 Corinthians 12:22
Friday, October 23, 2015
Down Syndrome and Acceptance
There's this "thing" going on in the world of special needs. It's more of an undercurrent at this point...a "one-upmanship" thing, and I'm not happy about it at all.
Because not only do some of the FRIENDS feel like they don't measure up in the world of their parents and siblings...they now feel like they don't measure up in their own world.
And we, as parents, start to feel like something is bad wrong with us, if our child is not somehow exceeding all expectations or preconceived ideas.
We are putting our Special Olympians, ambassadors, students, employees, and spokespersons...up against each other. We accept those WE THINK will fit in better in society, and we call them "high-functioning."
ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
We stopped for lunch at Braum's in Alma, Arkansas, one day in June. We had just picked up Joshua from Camp Barnabas. I noticed a man staring at us (we get that a lot...ha!). As we stood up to leave, he came over and struck up a conversation with Joshua. He told us that he had a daughter who had Down Syndrome and Autism. Jim said, "oh, really? What does she DO?" Meaning...school, work, any type of volunteer post, or some kind of adult program.
The man replied, "nothing...she does nothing." And he kind of shrugged his shoulders.
Jim and I said, "ohhhh..." and let our voices trail off. We both thought to ourselves, "well, how SAD," but here's the thing...that should be okay.
Because, we don't know them. We don't know their daughter's abilities, challenges, or fears. We don't know their struggles, or anything about the roads they have traveled. And it's not for us to judge anyone else, or tell them what has worked for us...what they SHOULD or SHOULD NOT be doing...what so-and-so is doing. We aren't the boss of them. As long as they are doing what is best for THEIR child and THEIR family, who are we to say anything? And, unless they ask us for suggestions or opinions, it's none of our business.
*I'm saying that regular people shouldn't do this. OF COURSE, people who are professionals, who work with your child or at your child's school...they probably should be giving you suggestions.
Because for every individual with Down Syndrome who owns a restaurant, writes books, paints pictures, wins medals, makes speeches, attends college, meets presidents, and travels the world (and there's NOTHING WRONG with any of that)...there are a thousand other, seemingly insignificant and unremarkable individuals, who are quietly living their lives at home...or IN a home; who need some help...or a lot of help; who love their family, and enjoy their friends. They may not hear or see well...or at all. They may not speak well...or at all. They may not be able to walk well...or at all. They may be confined to a wheelchair, or to a bed. They may struggle with health issues, shyness, selective mutism. They may live with severe anxiety.
Their lives are no more important or valuable than the "stars" that shine in our Down Syndrome community.
All lives matter. ALL of them. All of us.
This month is about awareness...and, I hope, acceptance.
"...not a single sparrow can fall to the ground without your Father knowing it...so don't be afraid; you are more valuable to God than a whole flock of sparrows." Matthew 10:29, 31
Because not only do some of the FRIENDS feel like they don't measure up in the world of their parents and siblings...they now feel like they don't measure up in their own world.
And we, as parents, start to feel like something is bad wrong with us, if our child is not somehow exceeding all expectations or preconceived ideas.
We are putting our Special Olympians, ambassadors, students, employees, and spokespersons...up against each other. We accept those WE THINK will fit in better in society, and we call them "high-functioning."
ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
We stopped for lunch at Braum's in Alma, Arkansas, one day in June. We had just picked up Joshua from Camp Barnabas. I noticed a man staring at us (we get that a lot...ha!). As we stood up to leave, he came over and struck up a conversation with Joshua. He told us that he had a daughter who had Down Syndrome and Autism. Jim said, "oh, really? What does she DO?" Meaning...school, work, any type of volunteer post, or some kind of adult program.
The man replied, "nothing...she does nothing." And he kind of shrugged his shoulders.
Jim and I said, "ohhhh..." and let our voices trail off. We both thought to ourselves, "well, how SAD," but here's the thing...that should be okay.
Because, we don't know them. We don't know their daughter's abilities, challenges, or fears. We don't know their struggles, or anything about the roads they have traveled. And it's not for us to judge anyone else, or tell them what has worked for us...what they SHOULD or SHOULD NOT be doing...what so-and-so is doing. We aren't the boss of them. As long as they are doing what is best for THEIR child and THEIR family, who are we to say anything? And, unless they ask us for suggestions or opinions, it's none of our business.
*I'm saying that regular people shouldn't do this. OF COURSE, people who are professionals, who work with your child or at your child's school...they probably should be giving you suggestions.
Because for every individual with Down Syndrome who owns a restaurant, writes books, paints pictures, wins medals, makes speeches, attends college, meets presidents, and travels the world (and there's NOTHING WRONG with any of that)...there are a thousand other, seemingly insignificant and unremarkable individuals, who are quietly living their lives at home...or IN a home; who need some help...or a lot of help; who love their family, and enjoy their friends. They may not hear or see well...or at all. They may not speak well...or at all. They may not be able to walk well...or at all. They may be confined to a wheelchair, or to a bed. They may struggle with health issues, shyness, selective mutism. They may live with severe anxiety.
Their lives are no more important or valuable than the "stars" that shine in our Down Syndrome community.
All lives matter. ALL of them. All of us.
This month is about awareness...and, I hope, acceptance.
"...not a single sparrow can fall to the ground without your Father knowing it...so don't be afraid; you are more valuable to God than a whole flock of sparrows." Matthew 10:29, 31
Thursday, October 22, 2015
Messed Up Brain And Other Not-Nice Words
Overall, Joshua's education experience was a positive one. There were so many kind and knowledgeable people who helped us along the way. There were only a couple of rough years: his very first year of Kindergarten...and The Year Without A Desk.
The Year Without A Desk was also the year that Joshua came home from school and told me that he had a "messed-up brain." He'd heard someone tell him that at recess.
Now, I don't know if that's ever happened to you...with a child of yours...but it cut my heart like a knife. My precious boy looked at me for an explanation and an answer...and I didn't have one.
I just hugged him and told him he was an amazing son, and that we should pray for people who are unkind to us. And then I went back to my bedroom and cried my eyes out.
I had to fight every momma-bear instinct I had...to not stake out the playground, and go all old-school crazy on some unsuspecting kids. I mean, they were just being...kids. Was it right? No. Should they have said that? No. But Joshua made his own share of inappropriate comments over the years.
Like the time he called his 80 year old teacher's aide a "bird-brain."
Joshua's friends from his Special Fred class were an interesting mix of cultures, abilities, backgrounds, belief-systems, family dynamics, and diagnoses.
Joshua, and his friend, David, stayed into it most of the time. Joshua tried to "help" David by telling him he needed Jesus, and DAVID wanted to "help" Joshua right out the door!
The teacher said one day, Joshua was laying it all out to David...the plan of salvation...everything. His teacher heard it all...but decided not to intervene...to just see where the conversation went. When the teacher told me about it later, I was so proud of my little Billy Graham!
But, as always, God had a way of bringing me back down to reality.
Joshua's teacher said there was one particularly hard day...Joshua and David had been going back and forth, aggravating each other (I'm guessing they ALL needed Jesus by the end of this day!).
Jim went to pick up Joshua from school. Joshua's Special Fred class met in one of those modular buildings that had steps leading up into the classroom. Jim got there and stood outside, talking to the teacher, while Joshua gathered his belongings.
When Joshua appeared at the door, Jim said, "let's go, buddy." Joshua turned around to face his classmates, and yelled, "I'LL SEE YOU IN HELL, DAVID!" and jumped out the door.
"By this all men will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another.” John 13:35
The Year Without A Desk was also the year that Joshua came home from school and told me that he had a "messed-up brain." He'd heard someone tell him that at recess.
Now, I don't know if that's ever happened to you...with a child of yours...but it cut my heart like a knife. My precious boy looked at me for an explanation and an answer...and I didn't have one.
I just hugged him and told him he was an amazing son, and that we should pray for people who are unkind to us. And then I went back to my bedroom and cried my eyes out.
I had to fight every momma-bear instinct I had...to not stake out the playground, and go all old-school crazy on some unsuspecting kids. I mean, they were just being...kids. Was it right? No. Should they have said that? No. But Joshua made his own share of inappropriate comments over the years.
Like the time he called his 80 year old teacher's aide a "bird-brain."
Joshua's friends from his Special Fred class were an interesting mix of cultures, abilities, backgrounds, belief-systems, family dynamics, and diagnoses.
Joshua, and his friend, David, stayed into it most of the time. Joshua tried to "help" David by telling him he needed Jesus, and DAVID wanted to "help" Joshua right out the door!
The teacher said one day, Joshua was laying it all out to David...the plan of salvation...everything. His teacher heard it all...but decided not to intervene...to just see where the conversation went. When the teacher told me about it later, I was so proud of my little Billy Graham!
But, as always, God had a way of bringing me back down to reality.
Joshua's teacher said there was one particularly hard day...Joshua and David had been going back and forth, aggravating each other (I'm guessing they ALL needed Jesus by the end of this day!).
Jim went to pick up Joshua from school. Joshua's Special Fred class met in one of those modular buildings that had steps leading up into the classroom. Jim got there and stood outside, talking to the teacher, while Joshua gathered his belongings.
When Joshua appeared at the door, Jim said, "let's go, buddy." Joshua turned around to face his classmates, and yelled, "I'LL SEE YOU IN HELL, DAVID!" and jumped out the door.
"By this all men will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another.” John 13:35
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