Sweet Sixteen...Clark

Parts of it, I remember like it was yesterday. But most of it, thankfully, I can't even recall. I guess that's the beauty of time. And life (And the after-effects of anesthesia...ha!). 

It was a short pregnancy, but a hard one. We'd wanted one more child, and were thrilled when we found out we were expecting. We had even talked about adoption, something I had had on my heart since my early teens, but Jim didn't have a peace about it and said it would be SO EXPENSIVE (Ha. Fast-forward 2 1/2 years and see God's protection and provision for sure, but also His great sense of humor. Our Million Dollar Baby...Clark Joseph Garland).

From the beginning of my pregnancy, it was obvious that it was going to be difficult.  Seems like from the time this child got in...he was trying to get OUT. This little one of ours...not yet born, but planned for, expected, loved. We might lose him before we even got to know him. My heart was about to break into a million pieces.

It was way too early. The doctors said that when it came to preemies, white, male babies did the worst. Preparing me, I guess...but, hellllooooo? Look at Jim and me...pretty sure we were having a white baby, and the sonogram already said he was a boy. Rats, little guy...you're already starting out with the statistics against you.`13 1/2 weeks too early.

Things happened quickly, and quietly. I remember the faces of the doctors, so serious and concerned. I remember the friends who wished us well and prayed for us. I heard the whispered conversations in the room...

"what if he doesn't make it?"

I heard it and I couldn't believe it. It made me mad, and then something took over. My MOM instincts, and I pushed my fears down and determined to love my child no matter what. No matter how long we had with him. There were other babies in the NICU that day. In the 7-plus weeks our little guy was in there, we saw many go home with their families. They left with lots of fanfare and pictures, and everyone was so happy. Other times, there would be an empty bed and hushed talking, and eyes that revealed that that child did not survive. Why? They were just as loved, just as wanted. I don't have any answers. I just know that God had a plan for this tiny one to live: "before I formed you in the womb, I knew you, and before you were born, I consecrated you." (Jer 1:5). And HE ALONE has a plan for when his days on Earth will end: "in Your book they were written, the days that were ordained for me, when as yet there was not one of them." (Psalm 139:16-17)

There have been times since then, when issues of health have threatened his life. When he was diagnosed with cancer at age 2, I could barely breathe. For MONTHS. I went straight to my knees, and didn't know if I could get up and face what was to come. I didn't want to. 

Again, he was spared. Why?

This boy of mine, he turns 16 today. He is tall and handsome, like his Dad. He is kind, thoughtful and smart. HE.IS.HEALTHY. Like all of us, he is a work in progress and we expect great things from him. His purpose here on Earth has yet to be fulfilled. Or has it?  He completes our family. He brings us much joy--but even on those frustrating days between teenager and parent...we are thankful. We will never forget what God has done for us.

Happy Birthday, Clark!

"The LORD has done great things for us and we are filled with joy." (Ps 126:3)

Preparing our home...and remembering...

I just want to write down and remember a few things...things are moving fast and furious here with the-thing-which-shall-not-be-mentioned (our upcoming move). I decided that I wanted to paint the interior of the house a neutral color, because I heard that might help it sell faster...so I talked to Susan Cason and she gave me some suggestions. I ended up choosing SW Cork Wedge and really like it. I started in Logan's room...and then moved to the game room. That turned out to be a HUGE job. Argh (And that one red wall? It seemed like such a good idea at the time...haha). It took f-o-r-e-v-e-r to paint! I could only do a little at a time...but I FINALLY got it all done. Logan's room, the game room and Holly's old room. All painted Cork Wedge! :) Then, I had to take down the wallpaper in the boys' bathroom. It had started to peel in places...I'm sure those long, hot showers they liked to take didn't help things. When I pulled the wallpaper off, I could see that it had been stuck directly to the sheet-rock. THANK YOU, MR. BUILDER...NOT! Sooo thankful that we had just come from Leanne's house and I was able to see the rental property that Kevin and Robin were working on for Leanne...they gave me a tutorial on "texturing" walls, and so that's what I did in that bathroom. It turned out GREAT! In fact, I got something from Jim that I rarely get...a COMPLIMENT! (this is because my "crafty" experiments usually don't turn out well!) He said, "I wish we'd done this in OUR bathroom because I LOVE IT!" Yay! I painted the texture SW Anonymous...kind of a dark gray. I bought a cheap mirror at Kirkland's ON SALE and am trying to get it all together. It looks really good. Now, I don't want anyone to use this bathroom for...ummm...the next 4 months or so? Too much to ask? I think yes!

I just love this house. I am so thankful for it. I remember when we moved here and the whole "looking-for-a-house" time. It was hard. I think we had looked at about 10 houses, and didn't find anything we liked. Jim and I talked about it and had pretty much agreed that we would just get one of those houses and be okay with it. :(  I had seen this house, but it was a little out of our price range...but suddenly, it was reduced, so I asked to see it. I remember walking in and nearly having to fight back the tears. I knew. For me, a lot about the house is the kitchen, and this kitchen was warm and welcoming...with lots of cabinet space. It had a dining room...I was excited about that! I also knew that we would want to have at least 2 bedrooms on the main level with the master...I didn't think Joshua would want to be upstairs if we were downstairs. This house has 3 bedrooms downstairs. Yay! When we went into the master bathroom, it not only had separate sinks...something we had long decided we wanted...and NEEDED...this bathroom had totally separate vanity areas! On opposite sides of the bathroom! I just knew Jim would LOVE that. When we went upstairs, we saw a full bathroom and a bedroom...and a HUUUUGGGGEE game room. Um....SOLD! Ha! They had a foosball table and a pool table...I knew my boys would be in heaven! And, then...what is that? At the other end of the game room...could it be? YES! It was another room. It could be ANOTHER bedroom! 5 bedrooms...the upstairs 2 were very small...but still. Each child could have their own space. :) I was sold! We decided to put Joshua and Holly in the downstairs rooms, and let Logan and Clark have the upstairs as their "man cave." (we did end up changing things around after Logan went to college...moving Holly's stuff up to Clark's old room, and moving him downstairs with us...letting us close off the upstairs except when Logan or Holly came home). There was a storage room in the garage...I could picture all of Jim's tools and hunting items in there. And it had a long, wide driveway...with kids and cars and friends...I just knew that would be a plus. But then...we went out back. A HUGE deck in the back yard. A covered porch. A hot tub. Then, half of the back yard was lush and green...so pretty. BUT, the other half...was a garden! Flowers, plants, rocks...and a garden-garden. I knew Jim would just DIE. I couldn't wait for him to see it. Our real estate woman was laughing so hard when Jim got there...all the things I said, "oh, Jim would love this..." or "this is perfect for..." Jim would just echo. I guess we DO know each other pretty well, after all!

It was a total God-thing...getting this beautiful, perfect-for-our-family house. I love it and hate to leave it...but what made it a home was all the memories we shared in it.

I'm excited to see what is next for our family.

Joshua and the Treat Bags...

Football is over now. It was such a great season for our 9th grade team...but since this blog was started to record events from our family...and specifically "Joshua stories," I wanted to remember this...

After we got home from the very first game, Clark was cleaning out his football bag and just casually mentioned that he didn't get a "treat bag." I had just spent 3 years helping with the Mom Squad for the Varsity boys when Logan played, and we made sure EVERY player got a treat bag for EVERY game. We'd fill them with peanut-butter crackers, roll-ups, granola bars...things they could eat for a quick snack before the game, or afterwards, on the bus-ride home. I remember Logan saying that sometimes kids would come in the locker room and take the extra treat bags for themselves...but I was still NOT impressed when Clark told me he didn't get one. He said there were "a few" others who didn't get one, either. Argh. Talk about gettin' my Momma Bear genes all riled UP. RILED.UP! I started asking questions and he said, "MOM, chill. Don't make a 'thing' about it."

What? Like I would.
  
(I might. I jusssssst might)

ENTER: JOSHUA GARLAND
  
Joshua heard the conversation. His brother is not going without a treat bag. No ma'am. Not on his watch. So the night before every game, Joshua would come into the kitchen, get a marker and a WHITE lunch bag...and head to his room. After a time, he would bring back the decorated bag for me to fill up with goodies, and we would "hide" it in Clark's football bag. Clark always knew it was in there, but he didn't look at it until he was at school and getting ready for the game. As soon as I figure out how to load pictures on this blog, I will upload some so that I can remember what he wrote on them. For the first few bags, he only used a light blue marker and wrote things like, "we love you" and "go for a win." When I found the GOOD markers, the whole colorful box, I took those to Joshua and said, "look! I found these good markers! Now you can make the bags more colorful!" Joshua goes, "ohhhhh...yeah..." and proceeded to use the BLACK marker for that bag. None of the other colors...just the black one. :)

He also used some quotes from some football movies..."you blitz all night...make sure they remember the night they played the Hornets" and "STONE-WALL DEFENSE." And for some, I had NO IDEA what prompted them: "smell them, show them up! Turn them into girls!" WHAAAAT? And this one "spank them like a 4 year old in K-Mart."

I love that Joshua loves his brother. I love that he is his biggest fan.

I've always cheered for my children...whether in sports or academics, at church or home...any accomplishment or a goal completed...YAY! Let's have cupcakes! My husband says that I've been dangerously close to celebrating mediocrity at times...but I like to reward genuine effort. All 4 of our children are SO different and I love each one of them equally. I tell them I love them. When they were little, I would write them little notes on their napkins..."love na'kins"...and put them in their lunches. I tell them "good job,"or "you'll get 'em next time." I tell them I'm proud of them. I hope they know that I really, really am. I'm sure I haven't told them enough.

I don't remember getting a lot of "atta-girls" from my parents growing up. They loved me for sure, and I knew that...but I only remember hearing the negative words, like when I did the wrong thing, or messed up, or didn't do a good job. I'm sure I did get some praise...but not enough that it sticks out in my mind. I was even in the pep club in high school, and I don't remember either one of my parents ever coming to ANY of our games. Maybe that's why I try to make every game or event for my kids. Whether they "start" and play the whole time, or sit the bench and maybe play the last minute...I didn't want to miss a thing. We would go to swim meets for Holly...sometimes we'd have to drive a long way and spend the night, all 6 of us in a hotel. Then, we'd have to get up early for warm-ups 2 hours BEFORE the meet...and then she might swim a total of 4 or 5 minutes in all her events.

But I would've HATED to miss it.

We all want a cheerleader in our lives. Someone who will tell us to keep going...someone who will pray for us, hold us up when we think we can't go on...who says, "hang in there...you can do it...I'm here for you." Yep...I've had people like that in my life for sure, and it's a great feeling. Who cheers for you?

Who do YOU cheer for?

I love the "faith" chapter of Hebrews in the Bible. Chapter 11. In it, the author lists one by one some men and women of the Bible who lived out their faith in the trying times of their lives. This chapter is SO encouraging to me. As I read it...I can hear the song "Find Us Faithful" playing in my mind...

"oh may all who come behind us find us faithful...may the fire of our devotion light their way. May the footprints that we leave, lead them to believe...and the lives we live inspire them to obey...oh may all who come behind us find us faithful." 

Abel, Enoch, Noah, Abraham...Isaac, Jacob, Moses...Joshua, Rahab, Gideon, David...and many more. The chapter gets more and more exciting as you read it...you can remember each story and recall how GOD was glorified.

And then...Chapter 12: 1-2

This is the best part, because it's for us...now. God is cheering us on in His Word! It's like we have this heritage of faith from the ones who have gone before...and I just picture them standing in Heaven, along with Jesus, God and all the angels, cheering me on..."come on, Marty...it won't be long now...you can do this!"

Read it yourself: "therefore, since we have so great a cloud of witnesses surrounding us, let us also lay aside every encumbrance, and the sin which so easily entangles us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God."

We are to run this race called life...laying down everything that weighs us down, laying down the sin...keeping our eyes on Jesus. It doesn't say it will be easy. In fact, just the mention of the words 'encumbrance,' 'sin,' entangles,' and 'endurance,' kind of gives us a heads-up that it's going to be difficult. Even hard. And WE have to lay those things down. Jesus will take our burdens, and He will forgive our sins and help us each day as we live...but WE have to ASK Him...it doesn't just magically happen. But we keep our eyes on Jesus...who for the JOY SET BEFORE HIM endured the cross and the shame...for what joy?

FOR ME!

(Yah-HOO!)

And for you!

And then what did Jesus do? He SAT DOWN.  Why? Because He was done.

"Jesus paid it all...all to Him I owe. Sin had left a crimson stain, He washed it white as snow."

My very own treat bag from GOD! And guess what? No one is overlooked. He came for all. :)

1 Thessalonians 5:11 "Therefore encourage one another, and build up one another..."

The Firsts and The Lasts

Well, it's begun. The lasts of the firsts...or the firsts of the lasts. Not sure exactly how to put it, but it's the thing that happens when the thing which shall not be mentioned happens in your family.

We made it through the football season. What a great year! For the first time in the history of all man-kind (or for this school)...the 9th grade team went undefeated! It was an awesome season! As we were playing that last game, I'm not gonna lie...I had to fight back the tears. I was so thankful that Holly and Aaron drove down to support and encourage Clark in his last game...and Holly took some pictures! Yay for sisters!

And so, for the first time in 4 years...I washed the jersey and hung it up to dry, knowing that it would be the last night it would ever hang on our laundry room door. The boys have a blue jersey, and a white one...and every fall for the past 4 seasons, we've had one or both of them hanging there on the door, washed and ready for the next game. They're the first things you see when you come into our house from the garage...and now they would never hang there again...ever.

I may be sick.

We made it through Thanksgiving...our last Thanksgiving in this town. In this house. We didn't even eat in our dining room. I have loved having a dining room. I love getting out the pretty dishes and eating in that special room...but knowing that it was our last Thanksgiving here...I don't know. It made it more sad.

So, we used the pretty dishes...and we ate around the kitchen table (a first for Thanksgiving in THIS house)...on FRIDAY, instead of Thursday (another first), b/c that's when Holly and Aaron could join us. When I was cleaning up after dinner, I realized I had left the "pad" on the table while we ate. Fancy much? I think NOT. It just never occurred to me to take it off...I never even thought about it. I love that we were all together and it was casual and fun...and not 'fussy' at all.

And now Christmas has passed. I wanted it to be the most special Christmas...our last in this place. I said I was going to get out every decoration we had, and make it look like Santa's workshop had exploded, but in the end...I got out the things that were the most special to us. The NOEL kids that the boys change around to spell LENO, and NOLE; the Caroling Family...someone is always getting shunned (usually the Blue Boy). The kids' special decorations went on the tree and I thought it was the prettiest tree ever. I think I say that every year. I just love seeing all the lights on it...and the decorations that are from our travels...or the ones that the kids have made. There's this one ornament...we don't know what it is, or who made it...but we put it on the tree every year.

And then for the first time...and the last time...I took all of my Christmas decorations down before the first of February. I LOVE leaving the decorations up. I feel like I have time to really enjoy them AFTER the busyness of the holidays...when things settle down. This year, I know there is much ahead of us, much to do...and so I packed it all up right after New Year. NOT ONLY THAT, but I have been known to leave up the Snow Village until Spring Break...but I put it all away, too. The first time I've ever put it away this early...and the last time to put it away in this house.

Next year, it will all be different. Hopefully, the family will be intact...healthy and excited to be together, but there will be a new house. Maybe some new ornaments. A new place to decorate. :) That part is exciting.

In this world, things are constantly changing...the economy is in the tank...the beliefs that our forefathers founded this nation on are being challenged and removed every day. Each day brings new trials and tribulation. And stress. We seem to be spinning quickly toward the end days. COME QUICKLY, LORD JESUS!

During this time in my life when things feel all out-of-sorts, I am thankful that GOD never changes.

Malachi 3:6 "For I, the LORD, do not change..."

The One When I Was 7...

A couple of years ago, I was asked to write about a special Christmas memory, and this is one of the stories that came to my mind.

I remember a Christmas in Virginia. I was 7 years old. My Dad was in the Air Force, and by the age of 7...I think I had already moved 5 times. When we got the news that my Dad would be going to Vietnam for a year, my parents had to make a decision to either stay where we were, or move somewhere closer to "family." Even though we hadn't been in our current location very long, my Mom said we had become involved in school and church activities. We were getting settled in, making friends.

My parents met in high school in Charlottesville, Virginia. My Dad had gone to the University of Virginia. They had a lot of friends there, as well as most of my Mom's family. Everyone begged my Mom, "move home, so we can take care of you and the kids while Skip is gone." At the time, my parents had 3 young children. My Dad thought it would be good for my Mom to have a strong support system while he was gone, so after much thought and prayer, they packed us all up and we moved back "home." To Virginia. My parents found a little house to rent that was right across the street from the elementary school I would attend.

And then my Dad left, and my Mom was home alone with 3 kids for a year.

Of the family and friends who begged my Mom to move home...not one person ever came by.

Ever.

NOT.ONE.TIME.

Oh, they called her or visited with her when they saw her at church or school activities, but that was it.

My memory of Christmas that year was of my Mom taking us to get our Christmas tree. She somehow got the tree...and all 3 of us...home in one piece in the stay-wag. The tree was magnificent. And huge. That whole "go big or go home" was my Mom's motto before it became well-known in the sports realm. In fact, the tree was so big that the trunk wouldn't fit into the tree stand no matter how my Mom tried. She was doing her best to whittle away at the trunk of the tree with a STEAK KNIFE FROM THE KITCHEN, while the 3 of us pulled decorations out of the boxes as fast as we could. I mean, you can just imagine the chaos.

It was only after she put us to bed that I heard her crying. The weight of the family, the loneliness, the frustration...all became too much that night, and the tears began to fall. I didn't know what to do...but I stayed in bed like I was told and eventually fell asleep. I don't know how long she stayed up, but by morning that tree stood tall and proud, stuffed into the tree stand by forces only a Mom with a mission (and a knife!) could understand. It was the most beautiful tree I had ever seen.

My Mom was always strong and determined when it came to getting things done. She was used to taking care of things because my Dad wasn't always able to be there, because of his job. I guess that's one reason why this memory has stayed with me all of these years. She just didn't let much get her down...and yet, as strong as she was, even she had those hard moments. I am thankful for my godly Mom. Even more, I am thankful for a God who sees us in our weakness, and is tender toward us in our times of need. I'm thankful for His help and provision when we are at the end of our ropes.

What this particular Christmas taught me is that mere words aren't enough. How many times do we say, "I'll be praying for you." Or, "let me know if you need anything!" Most of us have good intentions, but our lives just get busy.  

OUR lives.

We need to look around. There are many people, even in our churches, who just need some help. Prayer is good, but maybe what someone really needs is food. Or a gift card. Or new tires. Or help putting up a beautiful Christmas tree that won't fit in the tree stand.

"And let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we shall reap if we do not grow weary. So then, while we have opportunity, let us do good to all men, and especially to those who are of the household of the faith." Galatians 6:9-10